Today is day 2 without gambling. My wife is on the verge of leaving me, which will no doubt leave me in a position of possible bankruptcy as we have so much combined debt because of my gambling there's no chance I could do it alone.
Right now I feel so ashamed. I've always had an excuse. I'm not a gambler I just like a bet. Lie of the century! Yesterday was Day 1 and the day I accepted to everybody close to me I am a compulsive gambler.
I know the journey ahead is a long one. My wife is angry and has gone to her parents with my step daughter. I'm lost without them but any discussion didn't now makes me feel worse as she is ripping me apart completely. "Disgusting vile thief who has lied our whole relationship and stole money from our mouths in secret". Doesn't look great. Ultimately I accept it's me who got us to this place.
I referred to Beacon through the NHS gambling website and already got an intro call today. 53 minutes of being open and honest. It felt good. They will refer me for 121 support and contact my GP regarding possible meds for seriously declining mood and anxiety.
A lot of unknowns for now. A lot of worries. I'm going to my first ever G.A meeting local to me on Tuesday next week. I feel anxious about this but I'm going and IL continue to go as I feel I need the constant reminder of who I am and what damage I can provoke financially thorough this.
I joined Taekwondo to try to have something to focus on and tonight is a session so i will leave it here for now and get myself ready to pursue a brand new hobby!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
