Gambling- the sure way of getting nothing from something! 11th May 2014

Robby

Fella well done for putting yourself back in a good mind space, it is your effort that finds you there.

My friend the opportunity to punt will always present itself, there will always be an excuse we can let our addictive side of the brain come up with, it is how we deal with those moments.

For me I told everyone, from my family to friends, workmates even the bank manager,because for me the shame of them knowing is far less than the shame of me placing that next punt.

It is without doubt in my mind that there is for me no such thing as just a ten spot, it will restart the cycle, we both know the results of that cycle, win or lose the outcome is further destruction in my life.

Fella I hope your own resolve continues to grow, that you continue to tailor your own journey to eliminate destruction.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for the posts Lazaraus and dunc,had a gd wkd,just about recovered.

Avoided the sat arvo pub session,it really is all about thinking and avoiding danderous situations.

Day 17 today,back to the grind,work very busy,no chance of gambling,working to get those debts down!

Thainks rainman,guard was up all wkd.

Day 19,gamble free,had an odd urge y`day,couldnt act on it even if i wanted to.

I flicked over to atr,pure habit,and about the only time i get control of the tv at tea time.

I fantasy bet 500 on this 1/5 shot,the horse refused to race,it felt like a triumph. Wot a complete con,it just confirmed my thoughts of the crooked world of gambling.

I know i shouldnt tempt myself,30 odd years of gambling engrained in my brain,its hard to change your thought process.

Urge wasnt acted upon.another rung up the ladder,looking forward to a family wkd.

Day 26,life is moving on,been keeping myself occupied with work and other projects.

Had a great easter,days out to the zoo,cinema and visiting family.

Still find things a struggle,thankfully have no outlet to gamble,im hoping things will get easier when financial pressures subside a bit next month.

Thankfull to get through the past month,much needed and can see a way forward now especially with no control of household bills.

My mind has been set free to concentrate on other things,life may not be a bed of roses,there will always be something to worry and moan about,but at least i have peace of mind back.

Robby

Fella it seems life treats you well again, the results of not gambling plain to see.

Yes life may not be a 'bed of roses' me looking at that I see it through my half full glass

Without roses there are no thorns,gambling is one of those thorns in our side,you have eliminated the potential for yours to dig deeper.

For that take great heart.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks for the post duncs,yep things starting to go right.

Had a drunken blip fri nite,tried to regain the loss sat,another lesson learnt,I'm not down beat about it,its happenend,put a block in place to make sure it doesn't happen again.

A S****y two bob bookie I had an account with but self excluded still had my debit card details,the temptation was too much.

Its funny when your losing every thing else go wrong,the kids play up,I get an awkward customer at work,the wrong goods get deliverd,every thing went wrong friday,comforted in gambling,made things worse.

Cancelled my card,gona destroy the new one,it was defo working not having a debit card,I can do this now,another lesson learnt.

Not gona pressure myself into paying back debts,get paid when they get paid,spare cash scares me anyway.

Day 1,but a good day 1,I'm gona succeed,the evil gambling me has had another knife stuck in it.

Day 365 - really day 1 but I'm P****d off with writing that! I'm gona do a countdown to a year,it would bring me out of debt and hopefully back in a happier place.

Gambling had me licked again for a few days,I manage 2 or 3 weeks continiously then fall into the 'just a small bet trap,I lost 95 pound last,chased because I couldn't stand losing that 95 that took so long to earn,end up losing much more chasing.

Story of my life.

Ive been looking back over my life,its full of memories of gambling.losing,chasing my own a**e just to pay the bills,constantly thinking of ways to gamble,not to gamble,acquiring money,systems.

Back to the don't know what to do stage,I will stop now,with all my willpower,strength,blocks I will do a month,then the cycle will start again,a small bet,chase,lose what I've just earnt and I will be back here again.

Oh well here goes day 1 or day 365 sounds better

Robby I dunno what update you have made today as your last entry is dated 27th April but it says your diary was updated tonight.

Anyway best wishes and hope all is ok and you haven't had any more slips.

Thanks captain,I updated today,fell of the wagon thurs.lost 95,couldn't let it go,chased,you know what happened.

A new bookies opened in town,I live in a small town,tempation was too much.

Why do I have to bet in such high stakes?

Maybe a happy medium is to try the low stake route,treat it as fun like it should be,not life or death.

On apositive note. I've done away with all internet gambling and access to household bill money is out of my reach.

The journey is never ending,

Robby

'maybe a happy medium is to try and stake low,treat is as fun like it should be,not life or death'

my friend that statement had as big a profound effect on my thinking as your statement that 'gambling is a complete waste of time'

So what are low stakes?? how much would you punt to not chase it when you lose??

because for me the compulsion to gamble meant,always meant that I could not stake a quid,because without doubt

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

the result cannot be rationalized,that is surely why we are in the position we are by and large in.

The emotional effect is whilst gambling it becomes a scratch you simply cannot stop itching.

For me reading the profound effect is this,yes I live in a big city,an island,one road on to it,when new bookies open,which they do all to often, I walk through the doors too,the reason.

To self exclude.

The empowerment this gifts is amazing.

Yes I know folk will say that self exclusion does not work,you can get around it,the staff change,don't give a f**k, so on and so forth but the bottom line is for me it is a mindset,the two sides of my mind

The gambler v the rational man

Have been at war for two and a half years,the rational side gets the edge through an ever growing strengthening resolve to not waste the life it has been gifted.

self exclusion takes away the temptation for addiction to whisper it's sweet nothings in my ear about the shiny new shop.

I have heard many times over the past two and a half years in the GA room

'I could'nt help myself,I had to go in'

'I don't need to self exclude'

'I can't face the shame of folk knowing I need to self exclude'

The answer to all those questions the same

Do you want to stop gambling??

Do you really want to stop??

bottom line is fella that is a choice you and only you can make,it does'nt need justifying,it really wont effect my life whether you do or don't gamble.

What I do is respect your honesty,you write like a fella who does not want to stop gambling,the results are yours to deal with.

I thank you for writing because what you wrote yesterday had a positive effect on my life.

The gift of the forum

Duncs stepping forward never back

Robby

I've said it before but I need to re-iterate - I see so many parallels between you and I and I dont see that with many on here.

My diagnosis is that you want to stop and need to stop but you are not ready to stop and you cant live without it - you cant resist the temptation all the time. - I was in this position about 2 years ago so I know what I am talking about. I think you need to be more patient and just see that you are making progress overall and heading in the right direction and not see every slip as a disaster.

Some people can go 'cold turkey' and others cant - I couldnt (talking on random gambling for me) although I needed to for years. I think you are the same - gonna take longer than you want to get where you want to be but you will get there.

Thanks again duncs and captain for your support/advice. Both have been taken on board.

Dunc I want to give up gambling more than anything else in the world,its become like the holy grail,the prize possession that feels unattainable.

When I abstain for a while,everything feels right but I'm waiting for the bubble to burst,I don't believe I can do it,I conquer those early strong urges I feel myself climbing the ladder,but its so easy to slip,one second of vunerability be it after a drink or having a bad day a small bet is all it takes and that little voice says chase that money you just lost and everything will be back to square 1.

Even when I'm having a bet I'm thinking of giving up.

Captain I could never have just small bets,I have thought about it,I would try anything,but just losing that 95 last wk lead me to uncontrollable gambling. If I lost a tenner it would play on my miind.

I've got so much to lose,I have a family that rely on me,my mindset is of a man that had already lost everything,but I haven't,the damage hasn't yet been done.

Its time to roll up my sleeves,I'm gona be more pro active on this forum,support people,ead more posts,it is time to give up gambling. Day 1 complete

Lazarus wrote: Hi Robby and thank you for your post. It gladdened me to hear you took something from my diary. Usually I just write nonesense but there's the odd pearl of wisdom to be found. Giving up gambling for me was never easy. I had to learn the hard, hard way over many years. There will be many triggers to relapse, financial pressures, boredom, stress, complacency, believing you can control gambling and yes taking part in 'fantasy' betting. I used to also pretend to gamble on horses or footy results. All I was doing there was keeping the embers burning until they burst back into an uncontrollable blaze. Even listening to my friends tales of gambling and winning, excited me unknowingly and led to countless triggered relapses.

I had to change everything this time, whenever my mates start to talk about gambling I leap on their backs and strangle them until they shut up, this is essential. It may look stupid because we're all old now and it may test our friendship but this approach has kept me clean and relatively sane.

I've had to accept that I'm a gambling J****E but the next 'score' will only lead to ruin for it controls me, I cannot control it.

Yet it's not all doom and gloom. As soon as you decide that you are going to give up gambling life begins to get better. There will be moments of joy, boredom, frustration, hope, hopelessness, all the feelings of the spectrum in the first few weeks/months but you MUST accept them and ride them out, determined to accept and watch them pass. You will have good days and bad days but this is normal, never seek gambling as the way out. This is not the solution and it just means you have to go through 'this journey' again. Eventually, before you know it you've weaned yourself off the 'dopamine' buzz of gambling and the brain's natural inhibitors repair themselves and for some reason, a natural reason, you start to feel good and positive more times than not. You begin to see the world, your family, everything, for what it really is, beautiful, valuable, achievable. Your no longer seeing it through the eyes of a gambler, blinkered, selfish, fearful.

You'll know when you get there. All you can do is take it day by day, above all else be patient, calm and just let it happen. Make sure that your physical barriers are in place and watertight because the gambling J****E in you will try every trick in the book to get that first ruinous bet placed. Reinforce the barriers in your mind, think of all the 'suits' in the city who own and run these betting shops sipping champagne, driving round in Porches to drop off their Kids at public school, laughing as the know its all being paid for by the likes of us.

Finally, when you're trying to get through a desert to safety you don't think about the end destination. You break it down into smaller achievable distances. You think, I'm going to walk to that dune, then that rock etc. this keeps the motivation high and the mind focused. Eventually by this method you get through the desert and to safety. Likewise, set goals, broken down, like days, a week, two weeks, 20 days, month etc, it doesn't matter, just as long as it motivates you and buys you time to wean yourself off that 'dopamine' artificial high we all craved and gives a chance for the brain to stabilise and repair itself.

I believe you can do it Rob simply because you want to, if you have the desire and the willingness to try, the character to pick yourself up and dust yourself down if things go pear shaped, yet learn by them, then eventually you will succeed.

I wish you all the very best. Be patient, be calm, one day at a time.

Lazarus

Just reminding myself of an inspirational post from lazaraus on my old diary in the name of robby box.