Gambling- the sure way of getting nothing from something! 11th May 2014

Day 9,- 9 days that have gone quick.

A day off today,my little girls b'day,stress free day,hopefully!

Looking to the future,and have some life changing plans in my thoughts,I all could be possible if I don't gamble.

One day,one thing at a time,todays gona be a good gamble free day.

Day 10, double figures at last!

Had a good day y'day,,our little babes b'day,things that mattered were on my mind instead of the football or the 220 at fontwell.

Life is getting back on track,I want a lot of changes in my life over the next year,any thing can be achieved without gambling.

Well done Robby!

Onwards and upwards. If you are feeling good now picture how you will feel in January.

Onwards and upwards mate.

Hanz

Day 11- all good apart from a stinking cold,had the odd urge to start doing a small saturday footy bet- but that's how it all starts,urge has passed.

All my energies are going on ways to make a better life for my family.

Just for today I shall not gamble

Just following up your question on Heaven's diary re 'Theres more to life than sports and gambling surely'

I sincerely hope the answer to that question is Yes but I after 20 years of those two things being my total life outside work I have spent the last 5 years in recovery removing different elements of gambling and gradually reducing the amount of time spent watching sport. I have got where I want to be and eliminated the gambling which causes me problems and I hardly watch any sport now in comparison to it filling my life for years. Just dont have any passion and interest for watching if I havent got a bet on it.

But what have I replaced the time spent gambling and watching sport with? Nothing exciting, pastimes such as reading books, walking, watching other stuff on TV, looking up things on the internet.

So for me, is there more to life than sports and gambling - well if you want to feel alive, No I havent found anything. But as a compulsive gambler I have found it necessary to change my life to one which is pretty boring and mundane but means I dont lose all my money. And it has proved that I watched loads of sport only for betting purposes, not with a genuine interest.

Best wishes

Thanks for your post captain,- I too only watched sports purely for the financial interest,-i just hope in time my enjoyment will get back to how it was when I was in my youth.

Day 12, I'm feeling like S***e,poxy cold,I had a few dark thoughts earlier,- urges are bound to come in these early stages.

I don't know if its a good thing or not but I have no interest in placing any normal bets,but the spread betting thing is still gnawing at me.

The temptation is strong,its a high risk way of gambling,the scariest I've encountered cos your not in control of what you can lose.

I placed a fantasy bet on the cricket this morning which would of lost me 1350!

Dunno why I waste my thoghts,I'm putting it down to part of my recovery,I'm self excluded from every spread company anyway.

Looking forward to the wkd,hopefully be back to full health soon.

Day 14,- 2 weeks! A good foundation,I know I'm on the right path.

I don't want to gamble,had the odd urge,but unlike before even if I place a fantasy bet on in my head and it wins,I know to well, it would lead to more losing eventually.

Perhaps the penny has dropped.

I've always felt that my life is on hold,I think it has been waiting for me to stop throwing my wages down the swanny,I can start to make plans again.

James P makes a good point when he says 'every penny has question mark over it whilst your gambling' so true.

Day 15,bk to work today,I always feel a bit vunerable to gamble when I'm off,work is a good distraction.

Every day gettin a bit stronger,just for today I shall not gamble.

Day 17,- my first mini goal of 20 days in sight,were goin away for the wkd,thank god I've woke up to gambling when I did.

I contemplated what would of been that sunday 17 days ago if i would of carried on chasing,2,3,4 grand debt? Who knows,

I did stop,was brave enough to self exclude and say enough is enough and move on to where I'm at 2day.

Overdraft down to 900,bills were paid,I got holiday funds,and can clear the overdaft before xmas.

Still got a stinking cold,hopefully be gone by the wkd.

Had the odd thought of a bet on the ashes,( love cricket,it was my main betting choice), but it soon subsided,I drifted of in thought-what if I pick out the top batsmen for eng/aus say 12/1 double,I will have to put 400 on to re coup the money I've lost over the year- more than likely the bet would look a losing 1 after the 1st test,the 400 would be chased,- and if it did win,what would winning 5 grand lead too????? Higher stakes,and eventually more loses. It has really sunk in what a waste of time gambling has been,shame its taken me to 40 years to realise.

Saying that going through a gambling addiction and beiing to conquer it,will make me a much better person,if that makes sense.

Just for today I shall not gamble.

You did well those 17 days ago to stop the rot.

When we are chasing money in the thousands, we are most vunerable. We do not think rationally.

I've been having those 'dirty daydreams' just like you, that is the gambler in US all. We all wish to have that chance to regain what we have lost through this terrible addiction.

On the three other occasions I have sworn I would never gamble anymore, I have relapsed and subconsciously thought that I could get back what I had previously lost. This resulted in more loss that in the end just accumulated into bigger losses. I cannot do that anymore as I have finally realised it is detrimental to my health.

If I were to win 200 in one day, the next day I could place a 10 pound bet, if it were to lose, I would not see the situation as being 190 up from the previous day but I would chase that 10 pound til I was at least back to 200. That's how I know it's not really about the money because anyone sane would be happy they were still in profit from the previous day.

Glad you see the pointless of our gambling situation. We can't win unless we risk everything, I once heard that addicted gamblers subconsciously like the feeling of losing as there is emotion but not me

Thanks heavan,yep strangely enough I've wanted to lose on occasions,probably because I needed an endgame.an exscuse to quit? Or maybe it was because I would get more of a buzz getting back level after lose more money - I don't know,this addiction dooes strange things to your mind.

I most defiinetly wanted to just win,there was no buzz in winning a horse race by 20 lengths,short head was much more satisfying,I use to will the horse in 2nd to my horse to get closer,but not too close. - bloddy odd!

Then again I'm sure I've read that the next best thing for a gambler to losing by a short head is winning.

Day 18,- busy day ahead,no thoughts or temptation to gamble. Watched highlights of the cricket last nite,didn't know the result,enjoyed it,tho I did will the aussies to win cos I would of probably backed india,saying that I would of probably have lost on 1 of 1000 obscure in play betting markets that are now avaliable!

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Day 19. a good feeling,checked our bank just now,wages in,all bills for the month paid.

Gives me the rest of the month to concentrate on my overdraft,xmas shopping at the end of the month,I can get through this,I didn't think it was possible on october 13th.

Don't get me wrong,I still have a loan to pay off from my major melt down 10 years ago,but its down to 5 grand and I have a agreement set up for that.

Off for a wkd break,no chance to gamble,and I don't want to gamble.

Day 22, bk after a wkd away with the family,a nice wkd had.

A few gambling thoughts,re living my nitemare experience of 22 days ago with a mate over a pint didn't have the positive effect I was hoping for,he knows me from old.and when I say I've quit for good this time,he doesn't believe me,I can't blame him,nor would I.

Anyway bk to the grind today gamble free

I think only a compulsive gambler truly understands another compulsive gambler.

We all know that we can never guarantee to not gamble again but I think unless somebody has experienced what we have, it's harder for them to believe that we are really trying to stop or understand why we do what we have done.

At least your friend is not judgemental because if I were to reveal my mistakes to certain people, I would be judged straightaway because of the amounts. These people are friends but they would not understand but only see weakness in losing so much.

This, in fact, is the opposite as since using this site has made me realise that compulsive gamblers who are abstaining are some of the strongest people around (but only another compulsive gambler would only understand that)

Keep going strong