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Hi Sandra, 61 days is fab!!! I am sure you feel proud of yourself, I know I do as it really takes a lot to resist urges. I find myself muting the TV or switching channels when bingo/casino ads come on. It is hard when gambling is shoved in your face. I am just watching the Wright Stuff and one of his guests is Alfie Moore - a former policeman and comedian who has had a gambling past - has just stated he thinks it will be the new social cancer. I totally agree - gambling addict figures will increase over the years and the advertising issues need to be addressed now.

Thanx Stu,Phil,Lisa and Pinksparkle, i hope you all have fab day,

Dear diary...

While day progressing, my emotions getting a bit low. No desire to gamble,( thank G..) but another day lack of sleep,( saying that, passed out on sun lounger for a little while, which is not too nice in this heat....at least day off( that's positive).

Went for a run, not happy - my leg feels in a mess its like pressing on nerve everytime i put my foot down. ...Please please G.. don't take running away from me....it's one of the biggest things helping me in this recovery...

Well, long day tomorrow, i'm not that entusiastic anymore if feel like that physically, nerves getting better of me too ..train, tubes ...

Just no pleasing ey? Nevermind, i will try to enjoy every minute, even if i hav to stay sat somethere. No chance to show my dance moves lol

Take care all, hav great weekends and enjoy lasting sun( i love it even if look like lobster after today lol )

Ciau guys

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

You have probably noticed a lot of us post all our feelings on here ..the good,bad and ugly as just writing a few words can make a real difference to our day ...

It's good that you also do that too and despite you having a busy life right now it shows you are self caring by checking in ...

Also looking a bit browner than 2 weeks ago ..lol

Costa del Cheshire

R and D xx

Thanx Rach,

Good morning diary..Day 62, up early and ready for today. Will not gamble today because don't want to and will b busy having good time anyway:-) ( fingers crossed lol)

What's up with weather? Cloudy here already....hopefully better in London:-)

Have a good day all, and enjoy your weekend

Sandra x ( buzzing already lol)

Hey Sandra

My tans only one sided too..i look like a zebra crossing ..lol

Yes..it's overcast here too and cooler (Manchester way) which I think will be a bit of a relief..the grass outside looks like hay at the moment is that scorched.

London I think will still be hot for you today but hopefully not muggy ..I hate muggy...

Have a super day Sandra , just being on this site I think makes us all feel better as we know we are not alone and get lots of support...thank you also for supporting me. I still have really bad days but seem to come back from the dead faster these days thanks to all the support ...

Keep drinking water

R and D xx

Up at 5! Rather you than me lol but have a great day I'm sure it'll be awesome. Great going on 2 months gamble free. That really is something and I can't wait to get back there myself. Your inspiring me to want to continue and every time I see you check in and others checking in it makes me that bit stronger in this fight. Have a great day.

Thanx Rach and Dave:-)

Well day 63....just bk, busy but exciting day. Don't like London that much, don't think i could live there...and tubes...i lost for words lol. Both feet with blisters yay, shows what i had a good time haha.

Anyway no desire to go online, it's behind me and hope it stays that way.

That's it.....sleepy time lol

Sandra x

Sandra

glad to read that abstinence serves you well.

I lived in London for four yrs myself and it always amazed me that whatever time i either went to or from work it seemed to go 100miles an hour.

A city that never sleeps.

Today I enjoy being on the outskirts of my city and I get to enjoy the silence.lol.

Keep making the right choice, your efforts will continue to be rewarded.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanx Duncs, i do enjoy my quiet place too:)

Dear diary,

Another day passing by, i'm in so much pain it's unreal. I think i went a bit over the top with alcohol yesterday, and even i knew i'm in pain with my leg, it didn't stop me from 8 hours dancing lol....consequences today...

Anyway, it was good day, a lot of nice memories, been nice to get out and forget all the problems around me...i have to admit - i enjoyed myself..Got lost few times lol, but since my own company is best for me i can't complain.I didn't think i will relax at the start, thinking and all that, eating myself alive for my actions, with gambling and money situation, but i think alcohol did it's own job lol.....At least ride back home was ok, no fear of train for a change lol, send me sleepy instead haha.

Festivals changed...why ppl feel need to take some kind of substances(drugs) to have a good time...was a bit shocked seeing them chewing their lips off, or messed up faces...

Well hey ho, everyone find their own way to enjoy themselves...

I hoped for a little bonding time with sister...but not this time, she needed time off from routine too, and i'm sure we will get more time together in future.

That's it for now, still clean from gambling, it is slipping further away every day, and i'm very pleased with that.

Take care all, stay strong and enjoy yourselves.

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

Yes I also feel the same ...aside of the odd smoke I have never taken drugs ...and to be fair with my personality plus drugs ???..can you imagine ?? I'd be sectioned ! .lol

I also don't know why folks already having a good time need to take drugs to get even more ,..it's a mystery to me.

I'm no angel...and I like to have a drink and get a bit crazy dancing and singing and all that but that's about it..besides my work for 25 yrs has been in the hippy dippy land of of organics, herbal medicine and nutrition and clean healthy living lol..although a lot of people now in my field of work are cleaned up druggies ,musicians and artists from the 80s ...lol

keep dancing to your own tune ...it's a good one xx

R and D xxx

Hi Sandra,

Glad to hear you had such a good time, I have never been to a festival! I guess for a lot of people drugs are the new alcohol and I worry about my niece and nephews growing up in today's world. Obviously gambling is another issue that I think is going to explode. I just hope they do not make the same mistakes I have. Take care x

Hi Sandra

Sounds like you had a fab time 🙂

I think it's sometimes really refreshing to do something that we wouldn't usually (emmmm, maybe not so refreshing today if you're suffering from too much alcohol lol). In the longer term you've got the memories of a great day out!

Again, this weekend's testament to you facing and overcoming some fears, with a great time the result of taking that chance 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you Rachel, pinksparkle and Irene, your comments most appreciated.

Dear diary....i have to be honest...i am in a panic mode at the minute...i know why, drink yesterday finally fully weared off and i'm back in reality with a little low mood...tried to read, but it didn't take the feeling away. I know i will not be able to sleep yet...one of the biggest urges i had since i stopped this horrible habit.

So here goes.....deep breath, and put my thoughts down. Reasons i should carry on and keep on this road:

1- been gambling free for over two months.

2- seeing councellor to help to sort the reasons why i've got myself into this cr**.

3- told my sister ( which was veryyyyy tough)

4- spend more time outdoors and took sport on ( which i enjoy)

5- need to save money to try and go to see parents at least for Christmas

6- finding true me

7- getting all this support from this site and lovely people

8- accepting that life can be cr**, but finding other ways to deal with problems

9- gambling sucks and it's waste of time and money

10- i am a better and stronger person each day, i do it for myself, but aswell for others on this site, i am more confident in myself, i smile more, i feel good being fit, i enjoy my sister's and friends company, i don't lie to myself or others anymore, i want to look to the new future and make more healthier decitions in life.

That's a little load off...i will be ok i know that. I went too far to turn back. It's not worth it...why would i ruin it of one day feeling low...not even day, just a little freaky moment couse i had hangover today....

Ok, try another read, maybe a cup of nice and calming green tea....yea, that will help....

Lol i feel like talking to myself here, handy diary, hopefully wont send me too loopy lol

Day 64 (i think) i will get stronger and go miles and miles from this addiction.... i can do it!

Goodnight diary.

S x

Hey Sandra

I can't sleep so thought I would post with a few bits and bobs I have picked up along the way..

I think it's great that you have 10 reasons there to not gamble and just writing them down must help so much when you feel the urges strongly.

One thing I know about myself is that when I have a bit too much to drink when it wears off my defences are lower ,my blood sugar crashes and I get that panicky feeling with low mood that you just want to get rid of...usually for me sleep helps or slow release carbs to top my blood sugars back up..

I know you will be absolutely fine and I am with you on the green tea there as I drink it by the bucket load..

Keep posting Sandra

R and D xx

Hi Sandra

Well done for writing everything down it will help I hope u wake feeling a little better , the inspiration sometimes is not there and that something to accept it will come and go the key is just to keep posting , u will read one post and the inspiration will come back

I just read on Rachaels diary a few lines with the words accept courage and wisdom which inspired me greatly , like urself we all av to accept what we are dealing with we av to find the courage to make that change and the wisdom comes with abstaining and learning from ourselves and others

U accepted and admitted the problem found the courage to make changes eg telling ur sister fighting urges and the wisdom will come from having that better life that we all want , u av an understanding now of what u r dealing with and are doin as much as u possibly can

Be proud of that its something not so long ago u never thought u could or would do

Castle2