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Hello diary,

Long time no speak again. Maybe course I haven't got much to report on the subject. I am ok on that front. The rest are the challenges life throws at us, we deal with them as best as we can. My lil one is struggling,  currently that's the biggest heartache im carrying with me. Trying my best to offer comfort and love but mother nature presents her own plans unexpectedly.  My lil soulmate is deaf now which presents completely different challenges and approach I have to deal with. Yet still deep down she is my little baby. Same most awarding and loving heart. Outside changes us we like it or not however we carry same spirit inside. How could I give something so special and precious away? ..we will move forward till the last step we can take. Its my promise to both of us.

The rest is ok'ish. Days moves on, time ticks away with work and days off. Neglecting gym a little recently as head is with little one who clearly needs my presence more also. 

Had no urges for a while now. Maybe finally accepted that the only outcome would be complete devastation.  I dont want to step in that emotional and mental turmoil again. Been there, done that. Had to take many lessons to finally learn the reality of it all. Financially im in a lot better place now. Don't have e to worry about counting pennies till pay day. A lot more relaxed having some saved up in case of emergency.  It sucks that money has such a big impact on us. I know ut always been the case but in this day and age it seems like it has tensed up even more and you have to plan and budget wisely. Something what is still work I progress for me but im on a right track...as long as I stay clear from the devil machines and online establishments.  Think deep down I feel safer as I have blocks everywhere. I happened to try to sign up for postcode lottery the other day until my bank told me to do one 🤣...as it is still classed as gambling transaction. I accepted it within a heartbeat as honestly didnt see it as a way ro get hooked on something like that. I guess its still a way to wake up the dragon so yeah, thankful for outside forces protection which acts as a reminder about how addictive personality i have.

This is me I guess,  stay safe all, look after yourselves because with the best will in the world - nobody else will.

Day at a time..

S&B xx

Hi SB28 this is amazing thanx for reporting back gambling problem is just one element of life dealing with life is another im 3 years clean and still have my moments the main thing has u said the money problems are not my issue maybe i am fortunate in that sense last saturday i treated myself i bought stuff i didnt need i no longer thing about the cost of things when i gambled i have estimated it cost me 70-80% of my wages which always made me skint until next payday boredom is still an issue however i understand the concequences of my actions and i dont want to go back to that life i am naturally also spending alot more money as i realised i was spending very little and most of the money was going on gambling the people in my situation didnt help as i gambled in Arcades Casino Bookies and i made alot of friends which had a bad influence on me as even when i had no money i would be fed which didnt help my situation these people gave me tips and not all were addicts i would do the odd job for them not realising had i not gambled i would never be in that situation to begin with my life not perfect however it a million times better then when i gambled👍