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Hey Sandra

Happy day 77 🙂

I really identify with the quest to understand "why"- caused me lots of angst also. I'm trying really hard to focus on the here and now instead of the past- its easier for me just now!

I love the update on your 1st post- great idea to have a continual reminder of your progress whenever you log on here 🙂

I hope you find the peace you seek you deserve it- I'm sure you will.

Take care

Irene

x

Yo,

Thank you for your message of support , xxxxx

re your last post , I suppose the change happened and I become more at peace when I accepted that I was an addict for life , no miracle cure , no amount of time in recovery would change that . ( I was clean for five years before I mucked that one up lol)

Through that I realised that addicts get urges , fact.

In themselves they are annoying but only count if acted on. When we don't act we build up our resolve , stronger to fight the next one . Well those are my beliefs at any rate .

77 days bloody brilliant , also must take my hat off to you for the level of support you show to others on this site . Think you get out of this site what you put into it , and you my friend are putting in plenty .

I will at some point read your diary , but must once again thank you for message when my life was a bit tough .

Shiny xxx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your post. It was not any of your posts that I took offence to. To be honest I have not read your diary as yet.

Take care

Ade

Thank you guys.....

Good morning diary,

Well, last night trully boiled my blood, for one minute i thought one of my posts did effect someones recovery...

My head with so many thoughts it's going to explode soon.

Did manage to get over yesterday, felt very tired for some reason. Even tried to have a kip in a day, which didn't happen in ages..

Anyways, not much sleep tonight...monday again...my meeting + work later on tonight..feel good day coming lol

It's always a good day, as long as i don't waste a penny on gambling!

Day 78, i am getting there slowly....:-)

Take care all

Sandra x

Sandra.

You are making great progress and are building a great barrier between you and that destructive bet.

To bring out the urge and publicly beat it is a great show of strength and it will help hugely in your recovery.

Addiction loves us to have secrets, it feeds on them and isolates us leaving us thinking we have only one option

a bet.

Well my friend I used to see my addiction had a stick it beat me with and through recovery i took that stick and each day i beat it back.

You took yours with both hands.

My advice enjoy beating it.

You earnt the right.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Sandra

I guess for all of us we can affect each others recovery but as in life we have to be able to deal with other people's stuff which I am particularly bad at.

In a weird way by dealing with the odd flare up on here we have more choice than in real life with a person who we have to by no choice be in the company of ..

I know that If I get revved up on here it just means that it's more s**t I have to deal with myself and I think for most people on here we all pretty much know how we all react under stress and perhaps don't take it as personally as we would have in the beginning...

You have never written anything that has upset me and to be honest I would have no grounds for complaint even if you did given i write some crappy posts some days..

Only a small few in the time i have been on here have hit raw nerve..and we avoid each others posts which is fine..

You are doing fine Sandra and a real asset to the forum with your honesty and your recovery ..

Go girl!!!!

R and D xxx

Hey Sandra,

thanks for your post on my chat, it is always good to chat to you in some form. I know that you do struggle at times with emotions, but well done for using them in a far more constructive manner as opposed to letting the escape of gambling become a possibility. You are doing so well and will be at 100 days before you know it!!

have a great week and speak soon.

Phil

Hey all, biggest thank you for all of your support, it's most appreciated...big hug to all of you 🙂

As my day progresses, out of the sudden i'm over the moon. Just that fantastic feeling goes over me. Did little marathon with posting on diaries, every time i post, it's step forward in my own recovery. Even if one word puts smile on somebodys face, that's enough for me. I wish i had a magic wand and send all of you good people to the better and happier place.

I believe we all will get there. Step at a time, patience and determination.

All the best for all of you. Thank every single one of you, as well as GC for this amazing opportunity to join the forum and be part of it in this challenging journey.

Take care all

Sandra x ( enjoying my day gamble free)

Hey Sandra

Loving the positive post, enjoy your gbke free day you deserve it. You are doing so well and someone I can look up to.

Take care

Nicki xx

Hey Sandra

Great post 🙂

I hope the rest of your day's been as fulfilling.

Take care

Irene

x

Hay Sandra so glad u are feeling positive. As I have mentioned before urs is one if the first diaries I read and certainly one if the first people I had contact with. A true inspiration. Thank you moving on x

Hey Sandra, thanks for the posts on my diary 🙂

Just been catching up on your diary - lots of ups and downs but glad to hear you are so positive today. Cannot believe we are in August already, hopefully the rest of the week will run smoothly for us x Stay strong xxx

Thank you guys....most appreciated.

Hi diary,

Woke up with little fluff ball next to me staring in my eyes lol

Still get scared of cats sometimes, since had a nasty scratch when i was little....

Anyway, another day gamble free..79 i believe.

Knackered but surely i will manage today.

Take care all

S x

Dear diary,

Just woke up again, after getting ready to go for a run 3 times, and all 3 times ending up back in bed.. 3 rd time lucky fall asleep. Felt so flat and tired this morning( i say morning.... 12 o'clock...but it is by my body clock lol) i get into routine so easily, something sets in my head, it's like i have to go for a run every day, no matter how i feel..

I realise i push myself to the max in all parts of my life. I need to learn to control and find the healthy balance in everything..

I keep telling myself to slow down, but find it hard for some reason...

It's like if i drink - i overdrink, gamble - lose it all, run - never stop, and on a bad days don't stop beating myself up...

Control...another lesson learned today....i will get there

Right...coffe and work

( i love it when i set 3 alarms on , but none of them works cos me forgetting to put sound back on lol )

Rush rush now, a lot clearer head, definately not going to gamble today!

Day at a time all

Take care

Sandra x

Hey diary,

Once again i'm turning to you, to have a peaceful time away from madness at work.

Don't feel too good for the last two days...after counselling actually...

Plus just feel so tired all the time....could sleep forever...if not bad dreams, i would b better off other side of the unconciousness (spelled wrong..)

Anyway, back to reality:-)

Feel a bit cr**, have no choice but to stay up today...hairdressers later....so yea, can't wait to show my zombie face lol lol

80...nice number, that's how long i'm on this road. It's not long at all, it's only first steps ....i'm determined to finish...i will run skipping walking lol 🙂

Losing marbles, time to go.

day at a time

Take care all lovely people

Sandra x