...

Thanx Duncs:-)

Good early morning diary,

Finally my 'weekend' nearly there. One day off, and on Tuesday journey to Birmingham..Take sis to airport and maybe detour to Manchester to see my mate...Maybe even Trafford centre for a little shopping.( prob window shopping lol)

Not sure with motorway driving, not that keen since my near miss, but as they say : ' don't rush and you will be first!' I will be fine, only got little golf now haha...way off sport car:-)

Anyway, great stuff, obstaining and maintaining and enjoying everything positive on my way:-)

Counting down till home time.....feel like deserve my kip.

Day 85 - i'm getting there 🙂

Take care all

Sandra x

Just one last question: ( maybe few)

Do i deserve to be all happy and enjoy my new found life after hurting and upsetting others for the past year?

Am i selfish..what about others? They don't know how this addiction ruins your soul....and i wouldn't wish them to feel it. But if they suffered for so long, maybe it's my time to suffer double?

..........just the post i read hit the cord.........

Thinking time

Hi diary,

It is too late to change the past, but we still have another shot in life.keep making right decision and slowly make up for lost time with dear ones.

I believe a piece of our lives was missing all along to turn to gambling. It's never too late to start it all again, just normal everyday life facing good and bad. This ilness can be cured only by obstaining and maitaining.

Only actions can show the change in a distance.

Day at a time

Sandra

HI Sandra,

I think its to late to change the past but like you say its never to late to make a better future, we cant ever undo the things we have done and the hurt we have caused people but we can each day build those bridges and relationships and show people that we can be better people, by remaiing honest to them and ourselves.

Enjoy your trip to manchester and one of my favourite shopping places the trafford centre, wave on your way past.

take care

Blondie xx

Thank you very much Blondie, your post is most appreciated, i wish you all the best

Dear diary,

Here i am again, still reasoning with myself and looking for the answers. Every time i see my counsellor, picture gets clearer...running away from myself, hiding emotions, carrying past, feeling low.....quite few things i have to work on. just have to go head on, challenge myself, face my fears and make a change. Change is the start.

Past is past, i can't keep beating myself up anymore, now just take a day at a time, progress and be 100% honest with myself and others.

Never and i say NEVER go back the old ways..It will take time but i will prove that i am strong person, not trying to run away or hide from my problems.

After all i have got into it by myself, it was my hideaway, little secret i kept to myself.....I'm glad it came out, i started it, i will end it.

It can be done - it will be done

Take care all

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

If your coming up this way bring the sun with you as it seems to have disappeared ..lol ..people up here dressing for winter now!

May be a good idea to get back in the saddle and driving again..a near miss can affect your confidence but you will be fine ..I know that ..

Honesty is always the best policy and often when we share our vulnerabilities other people who are in the same boat don't feel as alone ....

Have a good time at the Trafford Centre

R and D xxx

Thanx Rach, i know i can do it, turn driving to relaxing event:-)

Well....5th time today on my diary....must be some disturbance on my mind....

I will do it, i believe in myself...it's not about gambling anymore...thats long gone...it's me...sorting my life out.

Step at a time...i will do it

Goodnight diary

Hi Sandra,

I have noticed ur supportive posts around the forum, u r helping lots of ppl and 4 that u should be so proud of urself 🙂

U r doing gr8, u can do this I believe in u xx

Thanx Charlotte, i'm so happy you are back strong and determined, go a long way girl, you deserve all the best!

Hello diary,

86 days,12 weeks today...i can't believe how far i have gone. Let it continue. Biggest rollercoaster ride i've been, changing emotions brings me up and down. I will not give up, it's definetly worth the ride:-)

Everything is possible if you put your honesty and heart into it.

Well, leaving for my journey tonight, then it's long day tomorrow, plus back to work tomorrow night, so a bit challenging 29 hours ahead...at least got weekend off so make up for my sleep lol

All good, go for a run, and try to get some sleep later on.

Hope you all great people having a good day, take care and keep going.

Sandra x

Dear diary,

Come across one post recently, and it deeply affected me. I know it's down to me to react to it or not. But i'm too sensitive in my mind not to.

Here goes....i found my way to this forum at the start of this year.It was life saver for me, and yes, my posts might be rambling at the times, and maybe not always about my gambling recovery, but it's all connected in my eyes: the work, spare time, family, going out.......

There was gaps in my life which led me to gambling in the first place, and i could just post daily saying " another day gamble free, take care all".....but it goes deeper than that, and i might get it all completely wrong, maybe it's my lack of knowledge and i deeply apologize, if my posts are really boring and not helpful in any of your journeys. I just record all my daily feels, plans and so on. it helps me, maybe it can be off the record sometimes, but it's my way in this recovery..

Yes, i admit, it can get more than supporting each other, it gets into cyber friendships, which is fantastic, it's biggest push in this recovery....Some people are terribly lonely in this world, and if that bit of acknowledgement, friendly advice and understanding from others helps them to find better place with themselves it's best achievement ever.

I must be rambling again..... i wish every single one of you, all the best in your recoveries.

I will try to stick counting my days only, but at the minute i feel i got it all wrong and put too much of my life down, so maybe best practice is to stop posting all together.

Day at a time

Take care all

Sandra x .................

Hi Sandra

Apologies, didnt mean for my post to deeply affect you or anyone else.

Was just expressing an opinion based on observation and reading of posts in recent months, my comments were not directed at any particular individual, I just get frustrated sometimes when I want to read diaries as assistance and therapy and too often get stories of peoples lifes in general rather than about gambling recovery.

I can see the progress you have made from reading your diary and I congratulate you.

Sandra

Your diary is yours to write on as is everyone else's.

Keep doing what you are.

For me to write about enjoying life is a huge part of recovery.

Keep doing it

me i will keep enjoying reading.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Sandra,

You are fine and don't worry. This is a RECOVERY diary and you are doing just that. Journaling about YOUR personal recovery and I am honored to share that with you. Last thing.. I do appreciate your comments on my diary. It helps knowing that there are others out there just like me trying to get through the hours some days. Just keep doing what you are doing my friend because it is working for you!

-joanxxxxxxx

Hi Sandra

Thanks for post on Duncans diary. As I have said previously you are one of the nicest people on this Forum and glad you are sticking around and you keep rambling as much as you want if it helps you!

Best wishes

Sandra

there is no argument on my behalf.

The addiction makes you lose your self esteem and robs you of belief in yourself.

Since you came to the forum you have embraced recovery and all it brings, the difficult days have been faced head on and the good days which far outweigh the bad you have offered some amazing support to others.

To which is of great credit to you and without folk like you this forum would be at a loss for it.

So i simply wanted to reassure you that you are doing the right things.

Keep doing them.

Because in my minds eye you are worth it.

We all are.

Yes folk will disagree from time to time to which again we will face head on

no more running the wrong way.

Duncs stepping forward never back.