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hey Sandra,

thanks for your post on my diary, have been busy of late, and decided not to post as frequently although trying to get on chats when i can but not so much of a ritual. Well done on staying strong, you'll soon have the 100 days up!!

Phil

x

Hi Sandra

Nothinj worse than tough days at work esp staffing issues and even worse when someone throws there unwelcome two penneth in hopefully though through not gambling the confidence and self respect will guide u through it something that when gambling it takes from us replacing it with self hatred and having no respect or value for ourselves

93 days of hard work and self discipline as given u the right to av the chances of a better life and u fully deserve it

Castle2

Yo,

Well done Hun on your continued recovery .

Try not to look back , we are what we are . But kudos to you for stepping up to the plate and saying enough already lol

It's not an easy fight , it take strength and determination you my friend have that in abundance 🙂

As for work, well there are good guys and bad guys . We would like to be able to control people's thoughts and actions but sadly it's a super power we can not muster up . It's difficult but at the end of the day , it's their problem by not reacting to the poor actions of others I believe it looses power .

Do not let them grind you Hun,

Shiny xxxxxxx

Thank you all so much, much appreciated.

Dear diary,

Day 94.Just about pushing through. Not too impressed with myself, need to control my wording in every aspect in my life.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Take care all

Sandra x

Hi Diary,

Probably gonna make it my last post here....

Thank you all for fantastic support, understanding, encouragement, and believe in me.... It was an eye opener, i learned to understand myself and others better.

I might repeat myself here, but everything comes down to choices (almost everything). It was my choice to bury my head in a sand and stick to the computer monitor day in day out. it helped me to cope, simple as... I was weak, i still am weak, but i'm making a choice daily.

Probably some of you reading this not gonna like it and wont understand it, but i am who i am, honest person ...just with split personality. I shared my opinions and had few fights here. I learned to fight for my words, but not sure if it brought any more strength in me.......anyway, live and learn...

Thank you all and i wish you all from deep heart to reach your goals, find peace with yourselves, believe in yourselves and keep strong.

((((all))))

Sandra1

xxx

sorry to see you go.....take care, and everything is indeed possible!!

Phil

x

All the best Sandra... you can change your mind at any moment. Whatever works keep using it, that's my motto. Thanks for your support and take care... S.A 🙂

As much as i expect destruction coming my way, i can't let it happen...you all are too important to me to drop everything.......

I will be back..shortly:)

Upwards we go....

Speak soon.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm hoping that means your not going cos I was gutted to read that. I love the support and encouragement you give me. I say it alot and all to easily but I do really appreciate it and it does mean a lot and it does help. So a massive thank you for that. And I have to say I think your bloody strong anyone that can fight an addiction and be winning that fight is strong and someone that can win that fight for coming up to 100 days is super strong. Your doing great. You should be proud. Take care Sandra.

Hi diary,

I was thinking all day, crying loads( just emotion) and now i realized what the trigger was....my sis coming back from home town...i was left here not being able to afford my holiday, but paying sis expenses to go to see parents....as long as i know they ok...i'm good...i will go back one day....

Do i blame myself for this circumstances, ...of course i do...but i better send her there to make sure it's all good with parents as much as i want to be there myself...

What a day, my diary...what a day....lots of things, and a chat to GamCare brought me bk to my senses...this diary is big part of my life now and i can't let it go.....it's more to it than just recovery....i was accepted here, i found friends,....honest ppl who understands and care...i couldn't be more grateful...

i will not give up, for all of you...on my recovery...or other recovery to find new life.I have to keep posting...it is my medicine....

Thank you all..jeez....gifted my life back..can you believe it?

I can.....

Love

Sandra x

Hi Sandra

I'm happy to read that you changed your mind and will continue posting. Selfishly, I'd miss you if you left the forum! Seriously, use your diary however and whenever you need to.

I believe that the emotional turmoil that so many of us experience is part of the process of change. I found the "down days" horrible, but learned to appreciate the good days even more!

Everything is indeed possible- you can do whatever you chose 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you Irene xx

Dear diary,

Just woke up and feeling ok...not sure what i'm gonna do, but obviously sleep is out of question because of my body clock:-)

Really bad day yesterday, i surprised myself....i keep beating myself up for everything...it's hard to let go...

Sometimes just loose hope and believe, which is human, but i need to learn to control my feels better.

Anyway, at least i feel better, new day started for me, i will not even think about gambling, i have thought about it enough yesterday....no thank you.

Day 95....i'm bk in a game:-)

Take care all

I really appreciate you all and sorry for sounding off last night...

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

I'm also really pleased you have stayed on the forum...many people on here including me and including many of the guys have emotional things going own at a deeper level.

Some choose not to talk about them on here but will say they are seeing a counsellor..there are a lot of people seeing counsellors ..

I have always been very honest on my diary as you are and I am like this is real life..the good news is that people are instantly drawn to you and will open up and chat about themselves and people do not have to play guessing games as you are what you say on the tin...straight forward.

I think it's refreshing.

Being a passionate person as you clearly are aswell shows you have a "spark " and are fully involved in the business of living and not merely a watcher of life.

Somedays that can mean the dust can fly but as much as it sparks up it settles down...if we lived in Latin America this would be pretty standard..or Italy.

Repression is very much a British disease and one that i think is responsible for many diseases...x

I've had a few spats on here over the 18mnths I've been on this forum it happens about every 4 months or so with someone or other..(not with me,just generally).

Recovery brings turbulence aswell as the good stuff as all the stuff that's being suppressed comes to the surface...and as you rightly say one of the emotions is anger...in fact it's the main one.

I think you are doing great Sandra ..I confess to being very jealous about all the different fitness things you do as I drive to the post box in my pyjamas which is 200 yards from my front door and reverse back..lol

Dotty has a chance to steer the wheel though...he he he ..

Keep posting Sandra and keep being YOU ..

R and D xx

Great to hear you'll be sticking around. We are all in this together as you say. That's why I think the threads work so well. That sense of being part of something and supporting each other. Take care.

Thank you Dave, and Rachel we sure will stick together. All the best guys

Dear diary,

Well, pretty good day today. Good run, went to see sis and cooked all evening haha...Prob about 4 different dishes ready, enough till next week:)

No gambling thoughts...thank God......sis dumped some worries on my shoulders which i'm gonna have to deal with somehow.

all the same and steady at my front, day at a time.

take care all

my thoughts with you

Sandra x