...

Sorry to read you are in so much pain.

I know when I try to carry on and function, in these circumstances, it feels brutally hard. 

I wonder what you could do to be the most compassionate to yourself, in the coming few days. What does your inner child need permission to do? 

take care,

f x

https://youtu.be/mzvOn3bMXV0

?

@sb28 It isn't the end, I know it feels like it. Please keep yourself safe. You're precious. I'm here x

Hi San, .

There's no hurry & whatever it takes. Lick your wounds, rest & return. The emphasis being on RETURN. You're missed, your support is vital but most importantly it's unconditional. We're ready to give back a piece of what you've given over the years.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hey, thank you guys.

I'm OK...as OK as I can be circs given. Walking I a mist recently not really keeping focus so it's strange feeling to have. Motivation gone, struggling with gym as just ..nothing left in me to keep me going. But I am going and living and functioning. 

Driven God knows how many miles in heavy rain to other part of the country to buy myself a ride! What a crazy and unaffordable decision ?..now tied up with loan for few years, but ya know, got myself a gangsta car so all is good ?. Mid life crisis or not being able to manage my emotions anymore? Maybe both.

Stay safe all

Hello San, 

Well you've signed on the dotted line now so a little too late for regrets. Compare the monthly payments to what you spent at the heights of your addiction. If it's less then you have the answer. Gangsta car lol, when you drop the blacked out windows & point your Uzi please don't let me be the target. Like you've always said, be kind to yourself. Wishing you emotional stability, continuous recovery and years of trouble free motoring.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hello Kind Soul,

How are you doing ?. Recovery's like being a sheep farmer, if one of your lambs are missing there's something not right. If it's only 1 sentence. if you feel like s--t, it doesn't matter just let us know you're ok.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL 

Hey Al,

I'm so sorry I got you worried! I'm OK, as OK as I can be since the heartbreak.

Life goes on. I didn't lose my path regarding this nasty addiction.  I am working a lot, I am training  alot when I have energy and ..yeah...life goes on.

I miss my boo, sometimes  I just catch myself reading over past messages how beautifully everything  developed...I do get that brief peace and smile on my face..just from memories. Its hard when you don't have that person here and now to share your life with. This shall pass, I was suggested it was a lust. I don't know what it was but what I do know -I haven't had this feeling before in my life. I doubt I know what love is...so cannot tell what these last few months brought to my heart.

Need to see GP for the lump I suddenly feel under my breast. Painful.

Makes you think of the importance living here and now and enjoying the moment.

That's me. Hope you're well and safe. Be kind to you. Every day counts...enjoy it ❤

Xx

Hey Al,

I'm so sorry I got you worried! I'm OK, as OK as I can be since the heartbreak.

Life goes on. I didn't lose my path regarding this nasty addiction.  I am working a lot, I am training  alot when I have energy and ..yeah...life goes on.

I miss my boo, sometimes  I just catch myself reading over past messages how beautifully everything  developed...I do get that brief peace and smile on my face..just from memories. Its hard when you don't have that person here and now to share your life with. This shall pass, I was suggested it was a lust. I don't know what it was but what I do know -I haven't had this feeling before in my life. I doubt I know what love is...so cannot tell what these last few months brought to my heart.

Need to see GP for the lump I suddenly feel under my breast. Painful.

Makes you think of the importance living here and now and enjoying the moment.

That's me. Hope you're well and safe. Be kind to you. Every day counts...enjoy it ❤

Xx

Hey Al,

I'm so sorry I got you worried! I'm OK, as OK as I can be since the heartbreak.

Life goes on. I didn't lose my path regarding this nasty addiction.  I am working a lot, I am training  alot when I have energy and ..yeah...life goes on.

I miss my boo, sometimes  I just catch myself reading over past messages how beautifully everything  developed...I do get that brief peace and smile on my face..just from memories. Its hard when you don't have that person here and now to share your life with. This shall pass, I was suggested it was a lust. I don't know what it was but what I do know -I haven't had this feeling before in my life. I doubt I know what love is...so cannot tell what these last few months brought to my heart.

Need to see GP for the lump I suddenly feel under my breast. Painful.

Makes you think of the importance living here and now and enjoying the moment.

That's me. Hope you're well and safe. Be kind to you. Every day counts...enjoy it ❤

Xx

Hey Al,

I'm so sorry I got you worried! I'm OK, as OK as I can be since the heartbreak.

Life goes on. I didn't lose my path regarding this nasty addiction.  I am working a lot, I am training  alot when I have energy and ..yeah...life goes on.

I miss my boo, sometimes  I just catch myself reading over past messages how beautifully everything  developed...I do get that brief peace and smile on my face..just from memories. Its hard when you don't have that person here and now to share your life with. This shall pass, I was suggested it was a lust. I don't know what it was but what I do know -I haven't had this feeling before in my life. I doubt I know what love is...so cannot tell what these last few months brought to my heart.

Need to see GP for the lump I suddenly feel under my breast. Painful.

Makes you think of the importance living here and now and enjoying the moment.

That's me. Hope you're well and safe. Be kind to you. Every day counts...enjoy it ❤

Xx

Hello San,

So, time for some ME time. A doctors appointment 1st priority. Long shifts, caring for others under circumstances beyond control then coming home torturing yourself & asking yourself could you have done more. With your recent revelations about relationships, here's the truth, I'd have never survived & got through this addiction without knowing someone stronger than me was standing behind me, pushing ,shoving, telling me I can be better without this addiction. You've achieved this all this on your own.

Because you felt this happiness is a new experience doesn't mean it's the final one. There's always a Mr/Mrs right for everyone.  Right for you, right for them, someone who'll love & appreciate YOU for what you are. Total respect for not giving in to addiction it just makes me admire you even more. Believe in yourself, stay strong & don't ever underestimate your self worth.

Keep Posting Dear Friend

AL 

Thank Al, you're brilliant  soul..so happy you're finding yourself  again. Nor easy hey, but you're doing  it ?..very inspiring ? ? ✨️ 

Diary,

Docs are concerned with my findings and refereed me to specialists. Looks like there are more lurkers than I thought it was.

For now, just sitting  here patiently tapping my fingers...no I'm not. I'm living what I can live and waht my energy allows. Not much of it but I am doing  my best.

What a life and what a story I created for myself  huh..I must be honest and admit that biggest parts inspires me myself ??..it does. ..and most beautiful  thing is, ppl do come into our lives for a reason and I could point out every single one of you and provide a positive turn my life taken just by meeting/talking  to you. That's  how powerful  all this universe  is. We don't meet by accident...and I wouldn't  be where I am now if not all of you.

So I take my blessings. I'm at the place/peak of my life with career, own house, "gangster ride", fitness,  baby boo, no gambling....yet all above can be so quickly wiped off with the lack of "health"..Read last sentence  again...materialism is not important  when you don't have health...so, look after yourselves.

Stay safe all, Merry Xmas xx ❤

Hello San

Don't insult my intelligence, tell me not to worry or tell me you're fine. As any CG knows honesty is the only way. 5th December your last post, so 14 days silence isn't a good sign. By all means take your time, lick your wounds. One sentence will do just to give me assurance ( despite the hurt ) you're still around & fighting.

Best Wishes

AL

Hi Al,

Ever so sorry for the delay in updating...thanks for checking in tho.?

I'm doing OK, I got all clear on big C!!! And I'm  over the moon really, almost a kick on a backside to celebrate life daily and oh man don't  I do it ?

Mid life crisis continues and I'm making some more "adult" decisions...this time inking my body ??..that strange but "addictive" pain huh.

No other issues to report. No change in love life but atm happy in my own and lil girl's  company.

No urges or such to report.

Busy week at work ahead so I may wish everyone on GC and especially  you dear Al a very Mery Xmas and an amazing/peaceful  time with the loved ones ❤️ 

Take care all, stay safe xx