I have returned to the site that gave me a place to unleash my thoughts, feelings, my fight against this gambling adiction of mine. since i left the site, i have slipped probably 10 times,, i cant remmember exactly, i was on this site back in 2010 and for a long period back in 2014 onwards, i only slipped a couple of times whilst on the site, i later felt that i had done my time but kept reflecting back at this site,, it became a reminder i did not want i suppose,,,, and i had my many posts and account deleted,,,,, in hind site i was wrong to do that,. I hit rock bottom and with this site became the opening i needed to pull myself up, that reflected on all aspects of my life, not just gambling [i have probably lost over £200,000 over the years] [i have gambled for about 40 years] .i have had good money in my bank and no debt a year ago, but i done that and am back in debt. I have to act again now and forever, i have gambled yesterday when there was absolutely no need, i have got a recent good job, good pay and good people, i am going forward again,, and then i self destruct,, done all the money we had and thus causing trouble at home and it will also reflect on my work with that fragile, worried feeling that i get, shell shocked, f#ck#d.. ok, ive realy put us in the sh~t, no cash, a cheque or 2 may bounce but i get paid at the end of the week and i am not prepared to let it go, it will be a struggle though, as i have done the base of the money, but that is done now and you cant go back, so i am getting a strong grip and i wont let go. i will be posting every day and i wont stop, there is a future and its not going to be a future of sh#t for me and my family. Guard up.Rainman.
I am a compulsive gambler, an addiction,,, i must never forget and think im over it,, because i nerver ever will be.. Rainman
Sorry to see you back under the circumstances Rainman, i recall corresponding with you in previous years, best wishes
captain46 wrote:
Sorry to see you back under the circumstances Rainman, i recall corresponding with you in previous years, best wishes
Thankyou Captain, i appreciate your contact, i think im here for a long long time to come,,, i have a very strong pull to gamble and self destruct. Ive had a few blipps, but nothing like this , after all this time and things are looking good in my life, gone right back to the way i was, [ i used to gamble every day, part of my life for so long,] then with self help and help from a friend and this site , i kicked it for a long time,, now ive worked so hard to get where i am and im on the verge of destruction,,ive left my bank cards with my wife and carry under sixty quid on me,,, i wouldnt even bother gambling if i didnt hold more than a couple of hundred on me but if i dont win big, then i will gamble until i have nothing left,, what a fool.... i build and destroy,, im here for the long haul. .. Rainman
Taking a good look at myself, i don't have to look deep, don't have to create reasons why i gamble.... I'm going to take the want to gamble out of my world. Im going to stop the gamble. To do that I shall think of what I do not why i do it. My stubborness, and ignorance, my selfishness and foolishness. My escape into a world of s**t is no more than a fools weakness. that can be changed. I will change. Rainman.
Rainman wrote: Taking a good look at myself, i don't have to look deep, don't have to create reasons why i gamble.... I'm going to take the want to gamble out of my world. Im going to stop the gamble. To do that I shall think of what I do not why i do it. My stubborness, and ignorance, my selfishness and foolishness. My escape into a world of s**t is no more than a fools weakness. that can be changed. I will change. Rainman.
Very wise words Rainman, good to see you back and wanting to beat this addiction as we need to deal with this on a daily basis for the rest of our lives don't we ! Good luck on your journey as you already know what it takes to beat this !
All the Best
Darren
Hi Rainman.
I too am back here after going just over two and a half years of being abstinent. Like you, I had done so well and my life was "back to normal". Thankfully, I recognised that after gambling a fair bit of money again recently and noticing that the pattern of not paying some of my important bills was returning, I did something about it. You can too.
Take care and do what you did last time and you will soon get back on track again.
Our Lady
Thanks Our Lady and thanks Darren.
The money gone and the hole it has put me in and trouble caused,, comes secondary to my actions present and future, if i don't recognise and act on my gambling addiction then there is no future. The money lost is secondary to my state of mind,, i sort myself out and i can catch up later,, if I don't put myself first, the future will be zero, nothing but dirt. Nothing..
Been food shopping at midday on borrowed money, yet as i drive i feel the pull, i know where the bet shops are and i see myself in there, the pull will continue but will not be so strong as long as i stay away, my objective is to always be in control of my addiction and not for my addiction to control me,,,, it's not just for a period of time, it's for the rest of my life. I will be able to do that, i build it into my life. I will not let it become a trauma to survive every day, that to would be the addiction controlling my life. Before i cross the road i look left and right, i don't want to get run over do i,,
Well when I'm out and about i won't go to a betting shop, it's like looking left and right, seeing the car coming and walking in front of it. Rainman
Feel like c**P this morning, fragile and tired, once i get going this will pass. I want the clock to move on six weeks and be in a better position than i am right now. That is another one of my problems, impatience,,, no good wishing my life away, we are not here for long and i am buggered if I'm going to let gambling take away my time and cause misery anymore. Rainman.
Hi B,
Good to see you posting again. You're right, taking control of our actions is all what is required in this journey. It can be as difficult or as easy as we make it to be.
Good to have you back on here. Hope J is ok and keeping safe. I have crossing thoughts of getting back in contact with my apology but haven't got the email address of phone number saved. Just pass my hello and best wishes over if you can & also - keep looking after yourself. Things will get better if you let them. You're more than capable - just for today, stay safe.
Best wishes
S x
...... wrote: Hi B, Good to see you posting again. You're right, taking control of our actions is all what is required in this journey. It can be as difficult or as easy as we make it to be. Good to have you back on here. Hope J is ok and keeping safe. I have crossing thoughts of getting back in contact with my apology but haven't got the email address of phone number saved. Just pass my hello and best wishes over if you can & also - keep looking after yourself. Things will get better if you let them. You're more than capable - just for today, stay safe. Best wishes S x
Hi S, thankyou very much for posting to me, its been a while and a lot of water under the bridge, its good to hear from you,.
I am in regular contact with J and she says to you , quote ,, S, i thankyou deeply for your best wishes, There is no need for any apology. i understand and the offer of a chat and a crappy coffee at mine will always be open. Take care of yourself , i wish you all the best too...
Im glad to have passed these messages between you both... take care mate, i will, and j has been looking after herself, no bother. Rainman
Keeping focused on the bread and butter [job], . When i gamble, the after shock has huge consiquences , win or lose, keeping focused at work is a high priority as not doing the work properly results in more trouble for myself, I will not let the gamble take away my work ethos by infiltraiting my brain at work,,,,, i will not gamble so i can work with ease at a job i am good at,,, i will not wreck that,,, the spin offs from gambling destruct everything we have or are likely to have,,, happy memouries wiped out, or dirtied by what ive done,,,, i know, ive been there,,, just remember,, dont get down about it, dont wine or wallow,, get up, get on, go forward,, the only thing that can stop me is myself ! And that aint gonna happen... Rainman
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