Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Day 73

And A bit of a head spinner im afraid, backlash from yesterdays councilling session and the "announcement" this morning, doesnt affect me or my team directly but I think the next announcment may, but im not projecting, i will tackle that as and if it comes, I have no space in my head at the moment anyway as yesterday and my session just keep whirling around .

I am starting to make some sense of it but sometimes its scary or not nice the sense that you make of it.... I will try to articulate it once i understand it better i think....

I hope to get to my G.A meeting tomorrow which is something i always look forward to, and Im supposed to be off down south this weekend to one of my BF friends Birthday party, if im honest im not that keen on going but im sure i will enjoy it when i get there, i just drive so much with work sometimes I get a bit frustrated, but then its give and take my BF drives nearly 500 miles every weekend to be with me and does a stupid ocklock start on a monday morning every week to get back in time so I have to be considerate to him by making an effort.

No urges today which is good yesterday had a few i think the sneaky little s***s attack you when your defences are down well you didnt get through them and today is day 73 for me which im really pleased about.

So onwards and upwards getting lots done in work which is always something i take great pleasure in.

Thanks for your posts everyone, enjoy the rest of your gamble free day..

Blondie with the new hair cut.... wit wooooo 🙂

wow. 73 days ago a new doo! I reckon that would have been a pipe dream away. Today with the right choice i can tell you look and feel priceless! That is it for me there is no value on recovery it is simply priceless. You will if you go on the weekend the one who has a ball, i know the drive will be worth it, if nothing else you get to show off the doo! I am done working for today and right now the sun from this wonderfull forum has stopped the rain so lets keep it that way for the next few hrs' thanks for your posts you do so inspire keep making that choice. Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

No Nobel prize then, next time hay lol

I wanted to share one of the light bulbs moments I have had on this site, ( do not think you were about then..)

This moany old fairy was going on about obsessive thinking about this that or the other. And how my mind was like a washing machine on spin mode. I wished for a power cut to give me some release from the continual replaying events or what ever I was obsessing about. And a very inspirational person on here wrote to me, the washing machine need to end its cycle then it will stop. That made so much sense to me.

We need to process the thoughts, but it will be processed and then filed away and that is that. But we have to go through the cycle to do that. Does any of that make sense , it sort of did to me.

Thinking bout ya, would put money on ( opppppsssss no I wouldn't lol) at least 5 people said today, have you had your hair cut?

Durrrrrrr , no it shrunk in the wash.

Hugs and even more hugs......

Dusty xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Blondie,

Hmmmmmm let me see............Last week I wrote that I thought that you may be a model after that comment at the garage.............Now I'm changing it to SUPER MODEL!!!!

Boyfriend driving 500 miles to see you!

Hope iv'e given you a smile!

Thanks so much for supporting me Blondie!

Sue xxxxxxx

Allo Blondie

Thanks for you on going support!! You have been there from the start and I really appreciate it! I've been a quitter too many times before. I will keep going and keep trying and I will get there in the end.

I often feel like I can't be bothered to go places or do things, but once I get to where I'm going I always seem to have a ball. The start of a journey is often the hardest part. Congratulations on 73 days. You will hit the 100 mark in no time.

Your diary gives me strength. Get out there and dazzle the world with your hair Xx

Hi Blondie,

Congratulations on reaching 73 days. You are doing brilliantly! I hope that you are having a good day.

Take care

Dave 🙂

I have read your diary ive not read many yet. 73 days wow. I hope I can get there any support you can offer me would help me right now

Thanks 4 your post blondie sorry to hear you had a tough councelsing session yesterday but maybe its no pain no gain and it will do you gud in the long run.

17 days to your big milestone mate a day at a time you will deserve it so much!

Blondie,

Congrats on going 73 days gamble free as of yesterday. This is a fantastic accomplishment. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones who fully comit themselves to their diaries are the ones who remain bet free in the long run. Your comittment has been first class on this site and your support on other diaries is much appreciated.

Can't wait to congratulate you on day 100.

Tomso.

Hi Blondie,

I hope that you are okay and that you have a good day. Keep smiling and take care. 🙂

Dave

Good Morning fine lady,

I see the day count returned yesterday, kinda none of my business but I like that and I'd def keep it going until you hit 90 it's like that first major milestone and you can go back and see the day by day account of how you got there! You will prob be overwhelmed by how far you have come, some of the things you have said, and how you have become an immensely popular and awesome member of this forum! Just for your good buddy who looks out for your diary each day keep the count until 90 :)!

I just picked up on a couple of things that other people had written on your diary yesterday! The first one made me laugh because I was thinking yep that's prob not far from the truth! Someone mentioned your good man travelling quite some way to see you each weekend and they mentioned you being a model? Are you Gamcare's Claudia Schiffer Blondie?

I then thought about what Tomso wrote, it's so true that the majority of people really racking up those days in recovery are those who commit to their diary and post daily or at least as often as possible! It wouldn't surprise me if said people have also at least tried GA and mayb even some councilling! I said the other day to my dad that I gave councilling a go because I wanted to put absolutely everything into my recovery and make sure I don't go back to the man I was! I think my point is I see you doing the same things, putting everything into your recovery it is to be commended! Well done!

Yep GA for me tonight really is one of the highlights of the week I'm not ashamed to say that! Hope you manage to make your own meeting!

Have a nice day,

Flagg

P.s I really like horror films so Flagg is a reference to

One in particular!

Day 74 ( just for you flagg) but i think its nice to see a blow by blow account untill my next target of 90 days..

So day 74.... I think the washing machine head is coming to its stop cycle (Thanks dusty oh actually thanks errrmmmm ive been trying to second guess what you going to call yourself now.... I think its shooting star, or the skys the limit. )

I feel calm today, is that before the storm no i dont think it is, i seem to be able to weather the storms much better nowdays, i have all my protective clothing and my new found ME to help me through that and i know like everything it passes.. (Apart from this rain, 2 months rain in 2 days from tomorrow and I live facing a river.. hmm that could be interesting ) .

Life is good and getting better, I am good and getting better, I woke up this morning with the devil in me and was having such a laugh with the girls as i dropped them off, i used to do that a lot and i find im doing it more and more, it reminded me of my dad he was such a character everyone loved him, as a kid we would have water fights in the house all of us it would start really innocently at the dinner table and turn into all out water war.

I remember going shopping with him one day i was only about 13 and he was putting stuff in other peoples shopping trollys and laughing , he used to shout thank you to the cashline machine everytime he went. I could tell lots of stories about him they are engrained on my heart.

I let gambling take away what was most precious to me what my dad gave me, my life and my ability to laugh at it... Amongst other things im getting that back, I find that my smile isnt put on anymore im not hyding behind it, its there and im happy.

Im taking things in my stride and the stride is getting more confident everyday, not in a pumped up ego kind of way but in a way that I know i can handle things better, I can freely (to much people might say now) talk about how im feeling, Ive started to drop some mega hints to my boyfriend and I think some time soon im ready to let him in to my recovery, maybe because im getting to the point where i accept what ive done, I know im not perfect but im not going to hide from myself anymore... I suppose in a this is me kind of way take it or leave it.

Im excited about the future, I feel a bit giddy today maybe its to much coffee, but today I have another chance to turn it around and for that i am very very thankfull.

Thank you everyone for your posts and support and light bulb moments I couldnt put into words how much it really is appreciated.

Blondie day 74 x

My God Blondie your Dad sounds a little like me. I thought I was the only one who put shopping in other peoples trollies. I am a constant source of embarrassment to Maisie, much to her annoyance but one day I hope that she'll look back fondly and realise that I just wasn't taking life too seriously because I thought it was too important for that. When we go shopping I often act outrageously camp, especially around her friends, squealing with delight at special offers or walking like an orang utan pushing a trolley. She paricularly hates that one. Yet we are really close and can talk about anything and play all the time, bigger the mess, bigger the fun.

Really glad you're feeling better within yourself and stronger too. Take care, keep smiling, Steg (full Moon tonight) Awwooooo!

Hey Blondie,

When I was younger my dad used to do things like that and oh my word I could have hit him sometimes, now in the supermarket I find myself doing exactly the same things and it's bloody fun lol! Great post today, I seem to have written that a lot today!

Thanks for bringing back the count you can't start and not finish that's never good in any area of life! Oh and I feel a bit exposed I'm now just Martin lol but I'm sure you good ladies will be gentle with me!

Have a great rest of the day and keep on being the new ME it suits you!!

Martin

Oh online GA sounds quite good my meeting doesn't finish until 9.45n is Thursday the only online night?

Hiya Claudia aka..the beautiful blondie!

Awesome post from you about Dad and all the laughter he gave you.....So very happy to hear you have been smiling again.....You go girl!

Would love to hear the story bout how you met your fella......Me loves a good romance!

You are a very special lady and thank you for letting us all be a part of it!

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxx