Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Hi Blondie,

Sorry to hear about your op being cancelled. It's the emotional effect that is hardest, you were all psyched up. You seem to have taken it in your stride, but it would be no crime to feel really pished off! I think I would be!

Thank you for your kindness. It is like ointment on a weeping wound! I'm always touched by the compassion and support people give me on here. It raises this ole bags spirits no end : )

f x

Fantastic to see steg back and posting and only 65 days away from his year gamble free.

I love this forum ive always said that its full of some wonderfull and inspiring people and when im having a bad day i take strength from other people and how the still stand tall after facing there daily battles.

I have been suffering the past few weeks with some really bad panic attacks something ive never really had before I went to the doctors today and he prescirbed some beta blockers so Im gona take them and see how i go.

Maybe its coming from my step work that ive been doing on the G.A programme, step 4 and 5 are complete killers, but its something i have to keep working through and although extremly painiful I WILL keep plugging away.

Onwards and upwards and i know i will come out of this stronger and wiser.

9+ months and counting gamble free.

Blondie xxx

Hey hun.

Didnt realise you were suffering with panic attacks...a few on here inc myself also had them..so dont feel alone ..

If you feel you cant catch your breath then just carry a paper bag in your handbag and if you cant get your breath breathe a short breath in and make the out breath longer..

Adreniine is a funny thing..i once had an attack after laughing so much at something...arousal tipped me over into feaar...

Im sure the onion peeling is also leaving you feeling a bit fragile and raw...dont know if you have read Fredas thread but she also talks a lot about those feelings.

The pain will pass...and you will see in the bigger picture hun that by feeling it and working through it it means you wont have to escape from it as the fear will shrink right down to a manageable size.

I guarantee ..you won't feel like this for ever.

9+ months e..reborn!!

hugs

R and D xx

ps . Propanol/Inderal?...found them good to knock the edge off...

Keep strong Blondie

9+ months gamble free is a huge achievement.

LA

Hey Girl,

With all you are going thru --you still make time to send me a post and give me a lift. You are one special gal. I too get panic attacks. Last time I had them was 30 some years ago when my dad passed. I have been having a few lately. For me loss and grief tends to bring them on. As for those f-ers who cancelled your surgery... you are right you cant do a d**n thing about it but, I'm with Freda. It's ok to be pi ss ed off about it. I would be. Hang in hun and like I said, you are a real peach for supporting others when you have more than enough on your own plate. You are an inspiration I tell you.... S***e I just might break out in song.. lol... -joanxxxx

Still feel like a newby here and such admiration for you and what you have achieved, Such a difficult life changing process for us all and affects in so many different ways at different times.

My sister has dreadful panic attacks and stayed with me in the summer as unable to be alone but they have almost completely gone now and she is back doing all the things she enjoys as I am sure you will soon be too.

Stay strong, everyone is here to support you.

xxx

..... stop press....Hey Hun....news off the street......Wedding Fair Saturday 9th of Feb at Manchester Town Hall ...xx

Hey Blondie...

Page 3 ......wit wooo!!

joking aside.....I can tell your not yourself hun...not sure what to say other than keep reading even if you don''t fancy posting...just keep connected.

(((((B)))))

R and D xx

Blondie,

You were the first to show support to me in what I saw as a wall of silence. This shows you to be brave and compassionate, you have nothing to be afraid of, you can overcome anything, you are strong and true my friend.

Kitjx

Hi Blondie,

Would you adam and eve it but been listening to magic radio most of the day and Blondie been on 3 times...... Am a mind of useless information!

Am so sorry your op was posponed, must be really stressfull for you especially as hubs to be came up.

I'm finding it quite hard to post at the moment...seems like you are too.

So proud of you for your 9 plus months!

Love Sue xxxxxx

Hi Blondie

Hope things are OK.

I saw this today and thought of you..."a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver". You have unfailingly supported me offering words of advice which lift me.

Thanks

Irene

x

Hi there

with you on the op front it is such a nightmare when you psych yourself up and its a no go.

You send such encouragement to others I can only ditto irene's last post and hope you are ok.

xxx

I seem to be struggling to update my diary at the moment maybe im going with the motto if i dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all, but then i need to practice what i preach its my diary and if i want to spew some anger or resentment on to it then I will.

I dont know if im going through the menopause or what has happeend to me the last few weeks but i just feel really down, Im tired all the time, Im breaking out in cold sores left right and centre I have constantly got a sore throat and seem to have lost enthusiasiam for lots of things.

Im not gambling and i havent got urges to do that s**t anymore so nothing to worry about there but im not quite feeling myself, My positivitiy seems to have up and left me and I dont know why.!!

Im sort of just going through the motiions and thats not me.

I keep doing gratitude lists in my head and even thats not working, If i was an alocoholic then id say it was "Pour me , pour me another drink syndrome" but i hardly drink.

I think a common trait of addicts is isolation and i reading a book called "The women who went to bed for a year"... Thats currently how i feel and it seems like a good option.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.. I thought it would pass but it seems to be lingering around for a long time and with the panic attacks gone due to the beta blockers im not sure what to do next .

Sorry for the totally depressing post but i need to just get it out there.

Thank you all you lovely people for your posts.

Take care

Blondie xxx

Hi Blondie.

Well, I am going to do something to you which I am certain no one on here has ever done before - I am going to tell you off!! The reason for this is that I had every intention of climbing into bed this evening by midnight!! As I am new to here and totally consumed with the findings (in a positive way), I came across your thread. In doing so, this is the reason I am now writing this at 4.20am!!!

May I just say that I could not tear myself away from my laptop to climb those stairs having started reading your posts and guess what, it hasn't cost me a penny of my hard earned money in doing so!! For months and months now, I have sat in isolation on my laptop until 4,5 6, 7am trying to chase substantial losses and as you can only well imagine/empathise, the terrible negative feelings/physical symptoms that accompanied those losses!!

You say your little princess of a daughter described you as "hard as nails". Well in my mind, that just translates as being a very, very strong woman!! I too was (still am in many areas), a very strong minded, strong willed, independent and sensible person.

Apart from losing thousands upon thousands of pounds in almost 3 years of gambling, I have also lost all of the above abilities I was once proud of. It is these two aspects that has helped/made me decide to "Let go" and say "Enough is really enough".

For me, I am trying to just keep it all very simple and uncomplicated and I have decided to keep a very small but powerful word to hand. This small and powerful word is "NO". I am going to "just say no" to any more gambling, urges, thoughts or temptation in a bid to once again bring back the confident, disciplined and self controlled woman I used to always be.

I have found great comfort from this forum and it has helped to bring about a great sense of calm over my wellbeing. When reading some of your posts, I loved the story about the golf balls and the jar.

Your journey has been fascinating, fun, real, romantic (your proposal was nothing short of a chapter from a Mills & Boon)!! well done husband to be!!

On a more serious note, 20 years is a long time to gamble and that in itself warrants even more congratulations to you in comming so amazingly far.

I know it is late and I have been up all night following your threads but at least in doing so, I have discovered that my math is still good - going through all your posts, I got to the point where I'd calculated that you had been free from gambling for 9 months, then you posted 8 months, then I said to myself "it's time to go to be, you are now losing the plot" then it was flagged up that indeed it was 9 months!! So at least I still have some brain cells left and these brain cells are going to be consumed with ideas/thoughts of how I am going to make things so very different and return to "normal".

I am now on day 18 of using my simple but powerful word (NO)! I will continue to follow your posts and hopefully you will mine.

Take care and stay strong and healthy (they are far more important than £££££££).

Bye for now.

If your'e Blondie then I am the Black Haired Beauty (so I was once described in a mystery valentines card) a few years ago!!! Turning 50 recently has now put paid to that - the greys are now starting to appear - ugh!!!

Blondie.

I am so glad you put your feelings in a post. My mum suffers from depression and what i have learnt this year is for her to suffer in silence is truly horrendous.

It like the compulsion to gamble is a silent illness with equally devastating affects.

The medication is a help but is strong and does have other affects.

Please keep posting, talk to your gp it will help.

We said we are in this for what it is warts and all.

Through abstinence we learnt we are not alone, a fact is our problem shared gives us a huge resolve.

I wish you well my dear friend, please take care of yourself and the support will come unconditionally.

I can be assured that your relentless pursuit of life and the pleasure it brings will serve you well.

Just for today be kind to yourself.

Duncs stepping forward never back