Going to keep this thread now!

Cor. Im really tense, I am!

Im like a coiled spring. Fraught is the word I think. Im gonna have a go on my stepper machine. Otherwise im ticking over fairly good today.

No gambles today!

Hi Freda,

Thught I'd just pop in and say 'hello' - haven't been on here for a few weeks but haven't been naughty either - just really busy - 7 redundancies at work in the last week but I'm still hanging in there for now - no use worrying about what might be!

Been reading through your highs and lows of last few weeks and I'm with you on your feelings about rudeness - our section at work seems to be the'whipping boy' for everyone else in the office and it's ok to send insulting e-mails about us and to us and, if you retaliate in any way, people just up the ante on the rudeness and you're the whinger for complaining

Having seen all kinds of bullying through my life, I think people who get their kicks hurting others are pretty insecure and f****d up themseves and they really are the ones with the problems. It's just hard to ignore it.

Well enough of that rant - you have made me laugh and cry as usual - yes. the image of the tampon and drinking cofee through a straw was epic!

Hope the step machine worked today

Chin up

Kay x

Thanks for your post Kay,

Will be thinking of you in your 'jungle' of a workplace. Bad times. workplaces can be like glorified playgrounds I think.

I just had a lovely meditate there. Ahhh, thats better. I feel peaceful, how nice!

Early morning tomorrow, so gonna wash up and read for a bit in bed.

Hi Freda,

Thanks for the post, it was so good for me to cry yesterday, can't explain it, i seemed to be drawn to sad songs, and think i knew i was going to cry, but thought what the hell, i need to, maybe if my boss wasn't so understanding i would of held it in a while.

glad you feel steady today, sorry i ain't going to make you cry or say anything to trigger you off.....:-) I think like most sometimes we want to cry, and for me that uncontrollable moment yesterday was my time, When your ready my advice is go for it, let it all out, feel the tears and what they mean to you, i truly believe we all need that level of emotion it shows who we are, just people who need a release at times.

all the best Freda, hope the situation with the house and the benefits sorts itself out.

be strong.

green x

Well,

Am absolutely shattered, and a bit shaken up! Just did my coffee morning for Macmillan Cancer Support at the community centre where I volunteer.

There weren't many people turned up, but being in charge of it in itself was pretty daunting! I managed to raise nearly £49, most of which was from raffling off a bottle of champagne I got as a birthday gift.

Had a panic attack from the stress of it, and definitely couldn't do it every week. It is done now though and I can rest for the weekend. Im pleased with how I coped, but it made me realise I still have a long way to go before I could cope with a job. Im completely stressed to bits, lol.

I know I will get there, but also realise that its going to take months, and get frustrated with being so 'useless'. Wish I could be earning.

Nevermind. Today I have not gambled.

"Useless"

Coffee morning for Macmillan Cancer Support.

Being in charge and organising a raffle.

Making £49:00

Coped with stress and panic attack.

I can't wait till your "useful"

The posts will go on and on and good for you

Take care

Steve E

Hi Freda,

Well done on taking the responsibilty and raising money for charity. Top show! 🙂

I must admit that that area of coping with work is topical with me today to. I was on my own day and coped very well. I concentrated and thought deeply and helped and acheived stuff. I did not have the pressure or my perceived pressure of "eyes upon me". I did not have the distractions of other peoples noise and behaviours. I was just me in a calm environment getting on with it.

Myabe that is the way forward for you if you get frazzled rather easilly or easilly affected by other peoples moods. A job in a calm office.. administrator or something. Maybe that is the furture for me. am quite methodical like that, attention to detail etc. Anyway just thinking aloud. You have a great way with words to.. thats a real asset. Regards.. S.A 🙂

Just wanted to share that Im feeling much better now Ive had a rest!

Also that Ive got a really warm feeling from both the posts i received today and from a lovely session of chat tonight - thanks to you all, its a beautiful thing to be nurtured and supported here 🙂

Hi Freda

BIG HIGH FIVE..........i also enjoyed the chat tonight, its helpfull to be around like minded people, and its good we can bring a bit of humour into it, in what for everyone is difficult times. The new me is trying to be upbeat, a few weeks ago i had a terrible couple of weeks, feeling down and depressed like never before. take care and hopefully see you in chat again.

neil

Hi Freda,

Pleased you are feeling better, hope things level out for you soon and the rubbish days become a thing in the past.

Have a good weekend,

DT.

Hi all,

Feeling strong after the rollercoaster of emotions yesterday. Just did a cardio workout - is great for my self esteem to be fit and strong, and good to be able to tell myself Im fit and healthy when anxiety strikes so I dont get scared of my heart packing up during a panic attack!

My fitness levels are one of the things I CAN control at the moment. Im determined to just focus on strengthening myself in general, and work on the things I can control. Gonna stop focusing on a paid job as a goal, just for a couple of months. Ive realised I have a ridiculous amount of fear on this issue, and need to set a few smaller goals first to build up my confidence.

Watch this space, Im on a mission! Grrr!

Hi Freda

A good cardio workout is great for the mind, body and soul. Keep at it!.. Today I did 18.43 kms in 1 hour 42 minutes... yeee haaa! 🙂

R moved out this morning 🙁

Is very weird. I went to do a mystery shopping assignment tonight, and felt pretty rotten due to having come down with a cold during the course of today. Once I got off the bus, I was feeling really dizzy and confused and felt really worried I might pass out. I rang R who stayed on the phone to me till I got home, then my Dad came to take me to his house to stay tonight. I had a really bad panic attack on the way home - I was terrified that I was going to faint or throw up, and not make it back to my flat.

Fell asleep once I got to my Dads, and felt really daft when I woke up - the confused feeling had gone. I think I just freaked out because I was anxious. I still have a cold and feel sick, but feel embarrassed that I made such a fuss and worried R. Having anxiety really messes with your head, you dont know what is real and what is just panic.

I hope I cope better tomorrow night. I really feel that my Dad thinks Im daft for the way I went on tonight.

I was tempted by a quiz machine in the pub I went to as a mystery shopper, but pleased I didn't succum.

Today I did not gamble.

Well Im back at my flat, and feeling pretty lonely. Its not unusual for me to be alone at this time of day, but the difference was, in the past I knew R would be coming home later.

Its just going to take some adjusting to, but feeling pretty scared and vulnerable in the meantime. Looking forward to fast forwarding a couple of weeks to when its no big deal anymore cos im used to it.

Today I have not gambled.

Hi Freda

Thank you for your post on my diary, sorry to read your last couple of posts, i genuinely hope you are going to be ok. You have certainly been through alot of s**t lately. Dont realy know what else to say, i know you must be approaching 100 days now gamble free so realy well done on that front.

take care freda, i will be thinking of you! ands xx