Going to keep this thread now!

Morning Freda,

Sorry to hear you had such a stressful day at work. I really feel for you. You want to work and every time you brace yourself and give it a go, somebody or something gets in the way to make you doubt your ability to do it.

Each time you get through that awkward day will make you more capable the next time. I think you are doing great, keep on keeping on and you will get where you want to be.

You deserve it,

DT.

Hi Freda, just wanted to say a massive well done to not gambling for over 15 weeks!!

Its inspiring!! It's seems like at first you were unsure about how you'd do after earlier lapses, i bet your made up at how its going for you now! . . .And rightly so, well done and keep it up!!!

James

Have really enjoyed spending the day with R.

Felt a bit low this morning. Just this feeling I get in the pit of my stomach, as if I cant face the day. Helps when he is there to come and wake me up with a hug and a kiss. It doesn't make the depression magically go away, but it soothes it a bit like massaging tense muscles.

We went out to the post office to return a big item from the catalogue, and I felt so much better for that. Silly things like not feeling like lugging it to the post office, but knowing that it needs sending back promptly or you get charged for it - things that just get on top of me and fester in the back of my head.

We got the bus over to the beach and had fish and chips and a walk along. I feel in a better place now - I love seeing cute dogs and babies, and giving them some love. I love making babies smile. Feel knackered and just want to curl up in bed and read now! Thats another depression thing, the sluggish sleepy weary feeling. But its Saturday afternoon, so I can laze about if I like.

Hopefully my bouncy, playful nature will reappear in the next few days. Until then, nice to know im with someone who accepts me as he finds me.

Is nice talking about wedding plans and stuff too. We are choosing a song for our wedding ceremony, and thinking of picking an old soul track but not sure which one yet.

hi freda just been reading your last few posts and can relate to them . im at work all week so find it fairly easy to get by but today im just lounging about in my shorts and t shirt . At the moment the day seems so boring and i dont feel like doing anything ,but im sure after racing has finished and if still got money left on a sunday i will feel great. its good you have someone like r to help you feel better . keep going i will watch your recovery and hope it inspires me keep going jeff

Thank you for your kindness...Jas xx

Hi f and how are you today? Darn depression and anxiety. Something that i have had for decades. It`s great going through long periods when it goes but when it comes back it horrible. Going through mild depression at the mo and do feel anxious.

I was chatting to my wife yesterday and we were wondering just how many folk suffer. We were comparing today to our parents generation. Such a calmer way of life with the focus being on stuff that matters.

These days we expect so much. We also have so much expected from us. Life seems to run at break neck speed. No wonder so many get down and disheartened.

It terrifies me to think of some of the kids in my family and how they will cope.

Anyway a huge big high five at ya!

Well,

Have had an alright day so far. Bit bored by this course Im on...the pace is really slow and the assignments so easy that I could do them all myself at home in one day. But instead I have to turn up every week, listen to someone pointing out the painfully obvious for 4 hours, before they tell me what the work is that needs doing.

I know they have to cater for different ability levels, but I hate to feel like Im wasting my time. I might contact the training organisation and ask if they can just let me do the assignments on my own without turning up to the course every week.

I know you might think - isnt this about you not wanting to have to be around people, isnt this social avoidance? But no, its just about losing the will to live in a classroom for hours when the level of teaching is like 'this is a pen, and this is a pencil and this is how you use them'

Im honestly not knocking people who need this level of guidance - but when you are educated to degree level it gets a bit dull.

Anyway, found myself getting a bit anxious just because I was bored and frustrated. However, if you asked a Buddhist they might say that this is an excellent way to practise patience 🙂 I guess now I know what its like I can use the time to meditate instead 😉

Feeling ok, not feeling like gambling and managing my current commitments without too much difficulty. Still get anxious, but just need to be patient.

Hi Freda,

Ive just read what youve said on another diary about gambling to avoid social situations, social anxiety and a way to have "fun" in ones own company... a way to chill out and relax. Thats exactly how it was for me.. and I think its spot on that you decided to make those observations. To behonest I was thinking much the same but didn't address it directly.

I know what you mean about going on courses and just getting really frustrated. The other one I find is when other students try to be teacher or other students or the teacher just won't stop talking.. usually on and on about themselves or something thats just not relevent.

Anyway, well done on managing your commttments as you are.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda

Lol sorry you make me laugh, just been reading some posts and nearly wetting myself!

Anyway thanks for your post and kind words, and THANKYOU for making me laugh...dont think im ment to be laughing tho.... Shut up andrew, nite freda, take care xx

I hope no one is offended by any observations I share on this forum.

Feel a bit weird that 2 people already have said to me 'i wanted to say that, but I held back' - about a post I wrote on someone elses diary..

Makes me wonder if Im being self-indulgent, presuming that people want to hear my opinion. Other people have thought 'I'll just leave it' where Ive just steamed in and said how I feel without it even occuring to me that maybe I shouldn't.

I have had poor judgement in the past. Ive been honest with people and its got their back up. Is it sometimes kinder to keep your thoughts to yourself?

I dunno, maybe im weird! or super-insensitive. I guess I'll know if people start telling me to eff off from sticking my oar in!

Been to a tai chi class tonight. Am really proud of myself for getting out of the house and socialising. I make excuses to stay on my own in the house, but Im trying to confront that. Its avoiding social situations out of habit, shyness and laziness - but thats what led me to gamble.

Am determined to become a more social animal!

Hi Freda. Thanks for your last post and I don`t think you were being in anyway argumentative. I just have this thing about people putting down others for no reason than giving themselves some perverted boost.

'im sure you can set a gambling budget and stick to it' . Well girl, ya reading me like a book here but then who knows? I know when I felt that i really did need to do something regarding gambling I had reached my own rock bottom. Yes I did feel like deleting the post but am taking ands advice and just leaving the whole thing alone. Indeed, it`s none of my business and i don`t want to come across as some one who knows it all or indeed a hard liner but yea, it was a dishonest post, far too touchy feely and certainly does not reflect what i really think but there ya go.

To be honest and I have not shared this before, I do wonder if I should back off from this site. Dunno. Sometimes I wonder.

Originally my message was if I can quit after years and years then anyone can but I am not sure how relevant that is. Also I was a drip feed gambler. OK I read that people have blown 10s of thousands, no different from me, it just took me many years to do that, not blowing it in a couple of years as seems to be the way now.

Anyway love, this post has been an honest one. Again, thanks for posting.

Hi Freda

Thanks for your post, hope i did not offend you with mine last night.... As for the chat room i do not think you hog the conversations at all, i actually like it when you are in there as you talk alot of sense and at times you are funny. You know too well that YOU, DT and Green helped me soo much in my early bleak days and i am genuinely very grateful indeed!

Like you i hope DT does not return to gambling, but if he does i have every faith in him that he can control it. Apart from his wife he has lost everything and i believe he has learnt a very hard lesson indeed.... He said in his post he feels he is not a cg, im not sure if thats true tho! I will question him on that tho!

Anyway Freda, your a sweety,hope you have good day and take care...ands xx

Hi Freda,

A big thank you for your continued support. Hey, chat can be a funny old medium.....anything and everything can be taken out of context but the majority of the time it's fine.

Have you ever thought about doing a creative writing course? You are rather good you know!!

Love to you....Jas xx

Hi Freda,

Glad to read you are getting out and about, the class sounds good, my hubby gets some Tai Chi done at home most weekend, may have to join him soon the way things are going.

I really know what you mean about chat so hard sometimes to keep up with all the conversations.

Maybe be whoever got offended was in a bad place at the time and was too focused on their own problems? on the other hand maybe they were a bit of a plank lol

I think its fine to post whatever you feel,its an open forum afterall so we all can pick and choose what advice we listen to and I can't believe you put anything bad otherwise the moderators would remove it anyway.

Okay rambling on your thread, no change there then lol.

Keep going girl and I hope Dt doesn't go back to it as well, in my opinion we can never control gamble. Like u I play the lottery, never stopped and thats because it wasnt the lottery that was my problem but cant belive on line gambling by me could ever be contolled, I fell into that trap before.

Take care

love

Wxx

Hi Freda,

Just passing through.. ive been talking to you (in a non-mad way) in my diary.. but just to say i think you have good judgement about many things. Warm regards.. S.A 🙂