Going to keep this thread now!

Morning Freda,

Sorry to hear about your day at work. Sounds like every job I've ever had, nobody got a clue what they are doing, but more than happy to blame anyone else for their obvious shortcomings.

Personally, I think you can do this. Even though you are not contracted for many hours, show them how capable you are. Organise them if you have to. In a very short time you will shine and who knows where that may lead. It might even give you that injection of confidence that we all need in this journey back.

I really genuinely feel for you at the moment. However much you try, there always seem to be obsticles in the way. I know you can do whatever you want to do, hopefully in time, so will you.

Good luck,

DT.

Hi Freda.. yup that sounds like the world of work to me.. other people not doing what they say they are going to do.. is an absolute pain in the bottom. Hope your enjoying your weekend.. S.A 🙂

Thanks for your posts guys,

Maybe this is how all jobs are. Maybe I just need to learn to ignore it all...

I can deal with the being palmed off and having to chase people up, but its the blaming other people and lying. Not everywhere Ive worked has been like this, it goes on to a small extent everywhere, but this is taking it to a different level I think.

In an establishment that is getting paid thousands of pounds a year to provide education to the community - not a single person knows which courses we offer or how to enrol someone. That is appalling!

Anyways, Im trying to let things GO that arent my responsibility. Im paid to help people with their work if they get stuck. If there is no one to help, their problem not mine. If I get asked to do anything that needs resources, I will look for the resources myself. If they cant be found I will buy them myself and bring in the receipt. If thats not ok with them and they refuse to reimburse me, they can stick their job because life is FAR too short, lol.

Do you know, even though I have the capacity to do a good job intellectually speaking, I am starting to think that for the next couple of years sitting on a checkout or something may be the best choice for me. I need to work through my low self esteem before I can cope with these daft office politics, so I dont let them upset me. Workplaces can bring such a load of unnecessary bull into your life.

Still not gambling though! 🙂

Hi Freda

Glad that you are to be out and about doing some work, I hope you are able to take the positives out of that and ignore the other stuff. It seem to me the bigger the organisation the worse the planning/organisation is LOL. I get where you are coming from but you can't change it go with the flow unless it effecyts your health at least.Personall I think its great that you are better than them and it should make you smile 🙂

BTW Graham said about sweet people being CG's.........its so true and this forum illustartes that evry day. I found out recently that Motown legend Gladys Knight is also a complusive gambler ( in recovery)............what happened to us could happen to anyone.

Enjoy the weekend

love

Wxx

Hi Freda,

Your thoughts on work really get me a thinking. I work with a collegue who only seems able to see the world in terms of himself, his needs and his views. He seems unable to appreciate "other people" and how his behaviours affect other people in the office, namely me. And when hes having a bad day i find I am almost unable to do my job.. because he imposes his needs whether others like it or not.. and when one works in the helping professions these sorts of behaviours are a problem.

If only I found it easy to let his behaviours just bounce off.. if only it was that easy. In reality i find it hard.. waves of anger come and go.. and then i also get angry with myself when i think back for not stopping the behaviour in its tracks in the first place. Some people will take advantage of my good nature.. and inside i hate them for it.

Anyway sorry for going on a bit in your diary. Perhaps as with you I may need to find myself a job that is as stress free as possible.. ive always done high stress jobs.. usually for little money as well. A job can be great when I gets on with my collegues when I don't it can feel like a nightmare. thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

HI Freda

was just reading about how pi**ed off you are with your job. Im the same with mine.

Ill stick with it as i think when this reccession is over it may change. I know your job is quite new but what i found myself and heard from other people is that the higher ranked workers attitude have changed they can speak down to you and if you dont like it you can leave. theres plenty of other people looking to take your job.

Nobody is important to them anymore. there is no loyalty. You know that youre better.Keep looking for another job while you are still there.then leave when you have it. Remember while you are at work and they are doing your head in it is stopping you thinking about gambling lol.

stay strong freda Jeff.

Thanks for your post jeff,

Yes, a lot of people seem to be getting the 'like it or lump it' treatment at work these days.

At my work, they aren't actually horrible people or anything - they just pass the buck, and bad mouth others rather than taking responsibility. Everyone does that now and again, but in some places its worse than others.

Its irritating to not trust your colleagues, and know that in all likelihood they are taking the P**s out of you behind your back, but hey its not the end of the world.

I lapsed last night. I spent £5 on online bingo at my Dad's house. I found the experience rubbish, not enjoyable at all - but the heart rate speeded up nonetheless. It must have been this physical buzz that I was so addicted to - rather than the actual activity itself.

Anyway, I was lured by an e-mail offering to treble anything I deposited and I thought 'I'll have a fiver'. I think I was curious to see what would happen. I know it was stupid, but I think at this stage of 4 months in to recovery curiousity creeps back in for me.

Well curiousity satisfied, Im not doing that again. Its that morbid fascination that I get with things I know I really shouldn't do. Its that urge to press on a bruise even though you know it will hurt...

I stuck to my original plan, and shut down the pc after Id spent the £5 - but I was left thinking about the physical rush Id gotten. For that reason it just wasn't worth it.

It was good to prove to myself that its virtually impossible to win. I staked the £10 bonus all on one game just to get rid of it (although I know many would say 'why didnt you just leave it unspent?') anyway after staking £10 in tickets, with around 20 people playing the jackpot was only £10!!!!! I quite liked this as it showed me how pointless it would have been, if that had been actual money.

Anyway, sorry if this post has triggered any urges for people. But I want to be honest in my diary - and last night I lapsed.

I dont feel guilty, I just feel like its reconfirmed what a waste of time online bingo is.

Today I will not gamble.

Hi Freda,

It's all part of the recovery journey I guess. As long as you are aware of how it made you feel and don't feel like blowing all your cash today, it could really help you in the long term.

If you feel as though it has triggered a binge, do some posting or try netline. I know you know all this stuff anyway, but would hate to see it grab hold of you again.

Something I wanted to ask is are you going to tell R? Honesty with yourself is crucial to all of us, but even more so for those around us. Hope you can tell him. It's not life threatening, and hopefully a lesson learned.

I'm supporting you every step of your journey, as jeff would say, keep going kid.

Take care,

DT.

Thanks for your posts SA and DT,

Missed your post somehow this morning SA! me being dopey 🙂

Yes DT I am going to tell R tonight. Havent seen him for a few days. It never even crossed my mind to not tell him, which is a change on how I used to deal with my gambling.

Without trying to overly make light of my lapse, I dont think its any reason to panic. It was curiosity rather than a 'need' to gamble. Although curiosity did kill the cat! Turns out it wasnt worth it, so Im happy to put it behind me.

Looking forward to seeing my man tonight as we've spent the last 3 nights apart. Probably wont catch chat tonight, as R's father is away but not sure how to delete the history on his browser. I dont want to cause alarm if he returns home to find someone has accessed the Gamcare website while he was gone!

Is a shame as Sundays are a fun chat usually. Will be back tomorrow though.

Right, off for a wash before I meet up with my intended 🙂

Hi Freda,

Glad the slip has not had a massive effect on you, it's a slip £5 and we live and learn, i don't think there is a right or wrong way in recovery, if i was here 5 years ago, my diary would have a slip every day, we do our best, and from where I'm standing your doing just fine, a good cleaner to get rid of any history is CC CLEANER, it's free, google it and if you download it use the cc cleaner website it works a treat....:-)

have a good week, stay strong, and enjoy your evening.

green x

Thanks for the tip green 🙂

Have had a 'good' day.

Just one of those days where you feel like everything is ok and 'do-able'. I had to pop into work for an hour and it was fine. Then again, I was working on my own!

R was supportive about the £5 slip, and agreed that it sounded like curiosity. How will it feel if I have a small bet? that kind of thing.

Im still of the opinion that it wasn't worth it though. Even though it was a one-off and I havent plunged back into hours of compulsive gambling, I have noticed that gambling has been in my thoughts more over the past few days. It just sort of 're-awakens' my gambling brain slightly.

It hasn't felt like going straight back to square one though, so that is very positive.

Had my boring course today, which is very basic and dumbed down. What the hey though, I found myself more patient about it than last week.

Today I have not gambled.

Hi Freda!

I can understand were your coming from because i'd feel the same but surely you've proved to yourself that if you do make a one-off bet, that you stop at that point and don't start gambling over and over again! Whereas before you might think, oh well, i've done one bet, may as well do another then another, now your thinking, right thats it, i need to stop now!

I wouldn't worry about it too much, the main thing is you've recognised it and done something about it.

Your still doing well Freda, Keep it up!!!

James

Hi Freda

Just forget about that £5, gone, dusted, finished. It was a complete waste of time even doing that, but you had a moment, and importantly you reconized it was a complete waste of time, as opposed to wooo ooo it was great.

Congratulations on the upcoming marriage, something to look forward to, without gamling come in and ruining things for you, because gambling doesnt like us doing happy things. Take care.

neil

Hi Freda,

Somebody from Ga describes gambling as the sleeping monster in the corner and having a little bet is like prodding it to wake up. From what I can see you gave the monster a little prod but it simply snorted in its sleep and turned over. From what i can see you have chosen not to prod it anymore.. warm regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Just dropping by to say hello and hope you are keeping ok,

Be good,

DT.