Going to keep this thread now!

Been a tough few days, spending a lot of time around friend who doesn't seem very respectful of me. It's not about me, she needed help moving house. However, there's just always this negativity. Invalidating comments. Questioning my choices, as though they are not valid. That would be totally fine regarding gambling sprees, unhealthy behaviours and choices etc. but she asked me how much my private therapy cost. It made me feel very uncomfortable. It's a healthy, rational choice. She had made negative comments already, about the therapist wanting to make money out of me. I had pointed out, that this was an evidence-based therapy, that was available on the nhs and that he was registered with all of the relevant agencies that indicate high professional standards. Personally, I think this would have been enough, for a healthy person. You've explained that you have sourced a professional, for a therapy which has passed NHS clinical standards. Really, that's enough to reassure most people you are not being taken advantage of, or ripped off.

I wish I had thought to ask her if she was thinking of trying it herself. When she said no, it gives the opportunity to ask why she was asking, then?

I mean, I've kept my mouth shut, regarding her worrying choices. It's not a matter of opinion, she's going headlong into an intense relationship, with someone with a history of unstable relationships, immediately after breaking up with her partner of 10 years. She has already expressed feelings of fear, about feeling responsible for his feelings, if it doesn't work out and that a new relationship is not her priority right now. They have seen each other every single day, since she split up with her partner. So, she appears to have been dragged into intensity by this extremely needy man, despite her healthy and rational reservations. I can mind my own business, if she doesn't want to talk about it but to poke her nose in, on my healthy, self-responsible behaviour, is a bit rich!!!

I need to distance, I think, as it's becoming very toxic. Gratitude list will follow, just purging out the bad, first.

I'm extremely grateful for:

1) The local IAPT services finally agreeing to let me go on the waiting list for trauma related therapy. 

2) My own excellent skill of knowing what I need, despite people telling me otherwise. The last person I had spoken to, via IAPT, said I didn't qualify for this therapy and was just not using my own, existing tools and discharged me. I went ahead and trusted myself, instead and started paying for it privately and now, another clinician has validated that it IS an appropriate therapy to ask for. I always knew.

3) The fun I had at singing, on Wednesday. I managed to go, despite having a high anxiety level.

4) My foster cat is doing well in his new home. It's lovely to see. 

5) All of the exercise I got over the past few days. Helping my friend pack and move into her new house. 

6) An understanding friend, who didn't mind that I wasn't up to our plans, last night.

7) Opportunities. A new job starting soon. Hopefully, a low likelihood of emotional triggers.

8) I'm not sure if I've already listed this but my thyroid results are healthy and have been since March, so I've been discharged and I'm off medication for it, for now.

9) Navigating 4 years successfully, having my own mortgage, despite a lot of trauma and adversity.

10) My savings. They have dwindled a lot, this year. Not much left but I have something. A pot to piddle in, as it were.

Time for more gratitude:

1) I have learned I'm being eased in to the early mornings, in my new job, by a week of training starting at 9.30am. 

2) I feel less nervous about trying this new job. I've never worked as a cleaner before but my employer seems to have a good plan to train us in exactly what to do. 

3) I pushed myself to go back out, last night, when a friend texted to say they were going to a quiz. I'm glad I did. It was good for me.

4) I've been watching constructive interviews the past few days, on youtube. Rather than rubbish, I've been watching interviews with successful, inspirational people.

5) I've enjoyed playing chess online, this week.

6) I can feel my muscles starting to come back. It is good to be physically strong.

7) I've started hitting my 10k steps a day, again - most days.

8) I'm getting more housework done. Gradually, I'm getting on top of things again.

9) I'm looking forward to my first portrait sitting on Monday. Cash in hand 😉 mind your business 😉

10) I felt a little anxious and fearful yesterday but I went out anyway and got some groceries. I sat with the discomfort and allowed it. I was brave.

Hi Freda,

Good on you for showing gratitude and good on you for continuing persevering.

Life is / can be very hard and in truth quite a beech a lot of the times, but on the flip side it can be quite wonderful. And if I may humbly say, I think your heading for the latter purely because you keep persevering.

I think sometimes we forget that we are allowed bad days and get things wrong, but important not to dwell on anything we see as a failing, but treat it as a lesson.

I did a cleaning job once, many many moons ago. It was bad of me but I use pinch the sweets of people's office tables and as I was working by myself in cleaning the office in the evening, I truthfully didn't do a very good job. After a week or so, I was to be met by my pay master, he didn't like the look in how I pushed the hoover with my left hand and also my lack of enthusiasm and i was promptly sacked. As I have no right hand, I never accepted his view in how I pushed the hoover, however I did accept I was doing a cra-ppy job and happily accepted the sack. That was the end of that correar.

Hai ho - All the best 

Thanks, faking it! I think there are always things to be grateful for, no matter what we are facing.

More gratitude:

1) I'm grateful for the company I had, last night. We went for a curry and then to the bargain shops, as we both find this exciting.

2) I am so grateful that I sleep well. I've not had great success at getting to sleep early, or getting up early, so far - but at least this is for a wonderful reason. I sleep well.

3) I'm grateful for a Facebook group I'm a member of. It's there to talk about meaningful things, in a society where those opportunities can be scarce.

4) I'm grateful for the timing of my new job. I only have 3 weeks to do, initially, then I'm off for two weeks. I'm so grateful for the chance to be gradually adjusted and eased in. Change is easier when it is gentle.

5) I'm grateful for the opportunity to dance with like-minded people, tomorrow. It is nourishing to my soul.

6) I'm grateful for the increased acceptance I feel towards my body. I'm the heaviest I have ever been but I accept that I am doing my best and don't feel too much shame about it.

7) I'm grateful for the minimal dwindling of my savings, while I was not working. I don't have much but it's enough for most emergencies. Thank you for this! How lucky I feel.

8) I'm grateful for this place to come and put down my thoughts. To get them out of my head. Things often seem more straightforward, once they are on paper.

9) I am grateful for my GA meeting, this week. I had a chance to get stuff off my chest, in a non-judgemental space.

10) I'm so grateful that almost 4 years later, the free washing machine, that I inherited when I bought my house, is still going. I'm also happy for the planet, as it's one less thing in landfill.

Absolutely loving your positivity  Freda, its good to see.

It helps stave off depression and i firmly believe that a positive outlook creates opportunities we would not  otherwise see.

You are such an inspiring person, and i so hope you see that of yourself.

Thank You 

Absolutely loving your positivity  Freda, its good to see.

It helps stave off depression and i firmly believe that a positive outlook creates opportunities we would not  otherwise see.

You are such an inspiring person, and i so hope you see that of yourself.

Thank You 

I've been feeling loads better, in general, then I spend an hour with my snarky friend and her boy who has moved himself in to her house. 

I just cannot stand these snarky people anymore. If someone wants to have a respectful, mature conversation with me about why they don't like something I have said or done, I'm fine with it but this ultra woke superior snarkiness is poisonous and I don't want to be around it any more. I simply don't enjoy their company anymore and I leave them feeling disrespected and angry.

It just isn't worth it.

You can totally question people's behaviour with respect but this is just rude and antisocial.

I'm so very grateful for:

1) The lovely little dog I met on the train yesterday. He was very scared and being so brave. He seemed slightly soothed by my talking softly to him. I felt happy to see him relax a little. He was called Romeo. Fancy that!

2) Two more opportunities to be kind, in the same journey. A woman looked nervous about sitting next to a dog, so I offered to take that seat, so she could have mine. I got the chance to stand up and give that second seat to an elder with a walking stick. She was very grateful and it felt nice to be kind.

3) I got up quite early, two days in a row. It feels good to be preparing for my new job, ahead of time. It's kind to myself and I'm getting a lot done!

4) I'm so grateful that I've accomplished a lot, the past few days and haven't needed to use alcohol or tranquilisers to help me cope. I have increasing resilience.

5) I tried a new kind of work, yesterday. It went well and I am £31 richer for it!

6) I remembered to use my reusable coffee cup today. It was good for the environment and got me an extra loyalty stamp.

7) I bought some stuff from my friend's shop today and she delivered the oat milk for me. It was so kind of her!

8) I got some bargains at the shops today. It gave me a bit of a kick, haha!

9) I've washed up twice today and have done laundry and hoovered. I am on top of more things!

10) I had a lovely meal tonight. I bought a frozen curry and cooked it with some fresh veg. It was nutritious and nice. It was nice to feel like making the effort.

# 2 - My grandma passed that lesson to me - ' It's nice to be nice ' I never met her in my lifetime. None the less a good lesson she passed onto me.

Keep going 

Today, I'm so very grateful for:

1) Bargains! Got some more bargains. My freezer is stocked.

2) Singing. Had a nice time at my singing group, this morning and we had a laugh, as always.

3) My GA meeting. It was good to connect. Just 4 of us tonight, so we got to be selfish and each have a nice, long rant.

4) Friendship. I'm meeting up with a couple of friends on Saturday. I am blessed to know good people. 

5) Increased motivation. I ran/walked 5k on the treadmill tonight. I am regaining my fitness.

6) My air fryer! Wowee I had vegan chicken nuggets in 10 minutes, after the gym tonight!

7) Naps. I had a nice lie down in my cosy bed. It recharged my batteries so I could go to my meeting and then the gym.

8) A lift. It's very cold tonight. I got a lift up the road, to the gym, tonight. It was very much appreciated.

9) My cat. She loves me, always happy when I get home and she's currently sat on my feet, keeping them lovely and warm.

10) Appreciation. I bought some cheap potato wedges today, from Greggs. They were nowt flash but I was hungry and really enjoyed them.

I'm so very grateful for:

1) a cosy bed to nap in. I didn't sleep great but I had a lovely nap and it recharged my batteries

2) a helpful technical guy at work - I went to get an app fixed. It was stopping me accessing my work stuff with ease. Now I can access it with ease. It is wonderful to have ease.

3) random freebies - I got a free tiny can of cider, yesterday, while on my break at work. It was a nice surprise and cute to look at and drink.

4) bonus time - we finished today's induction activities early. I got a nap and went to get groceries, with this bonus time.

5) good training. we have been shown exactly how to clean a washroom today. it is great to be supported.

6) a smile from a child - is there anything more precious or pure? I helped a child when her mum's arms were full, today. she was happy.

7) my warm coat - gosh it was cold today. how sad I would have been, without my warm coat

8) my improved mood. I'm finding it easier to wash my dishes.

9) my warm and safe home. it's winter and my boiler is in good condition. how lucky I am!

10) low anxiety. I am taking my new job and situation calmly, one day at a time.

Just checking in on my diary

I'm quite sleepy, so will keep it short.

No gambling since I last posted. I chaired a GA meeting for the first time, on Wednesday. I love my recovery buddies. There's no bull, there. 

Work is going OK. It's surprisingly low stress. 

I'm starting a relationship with someone. Things have moved quite quickly, which is a bad habit for me but we are just seeing each other a couple of times a week. We've had a really lovely day, today.

@freda life is worth enjoying gambling can never give u peace making memories is one thing we need to understand addiction or no addiction life will always try u it was never suppose to perfect seek happiness from inside and deal with problems accordingly life with test you in everyway it how you come out on top that counts?

Cheers, Tazman!

I'm still good. 

Had my one month check in with supervisor, for new job. All is well, very happy with me, no concerns. Happy days.

Relationship is still going OK. Not getting too absorbed with it. Older, wiser.

Have not heard from the "frenemy" in weeks. Don't miss her. Was probably time to say ship up or ship out, I'm not having this. Thing is, it's fine to have periods where we don't bring anything to the table. She's had a lot going on....but don't come to the table empty-handed, then slap me in the face, like. Just rude and mean. I'll share my bait with anyone but don't poke me in the eye while you're at it.

Damaged people, silly billies. No time for those that can't be respectful. Just bright blessings, see you down the road.

Sobriety intact. Told new guy about recovery. Was vague with him last week, when I'd been chairing a GA meeting. Then I just thought, ah, I'll tell him. He'll pick up on the secrecy. He seemed cool with it. Time will tell, as always.