Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Sorry that you felt embarrassed with added feelings of not coping. Its ok to get worked up sometimes, its so natural when we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable about a situation.

You have been through a lot and it all takes its toll. Learning to recognise and deal with our ever changing emotions is hard & takes time.

Freda, it will get better for you, I'm sure of that. Maybe you could brake your day/morning/hour down into more manageable pieces. Don't look too far head and remember that you wont have to stay in your present job for ever.

Step back and 'look' at what you have achieved so far in your recovery. Give yourself credit, and credit for deciding to change your life. Thats a major decision and that takes great courage.

Over the last few weeks there have been a few changes in posters, which often happens from time to time here. This can be quite unsettling for those that have made some form of bonding. It can naturally unsettle & sometimes can make us question our 'positions' both here on the site & in our own personal recoveries. Often throwing up unusual emotions which previously when gambling were 'numbed' and shut out.

Now of course they appear... right in our faces... all needing acknowledgement, sometimes for the first time, they require dealing with. I believe these are all a natural & normal part of recovery.

Added to that was your episode on your Dads pc. Which luckily you decided was not for you and just dismissed it in one of your earlier posts.

I think you were right to get straight back on with your recovery, but even though it was a 'token' bet in monetary terms... it no doubt gave your 'gambling' receptors a 'rattle' and waking them causing some further uncomfortable feelings/emotions. Its no wonder Freda that you are out of sorts.

Time to turn things around now girl... Its Friday!!! No work for the weekend!!! Time for you to do something you enjoy!!! Whatever it may be 😉 Be kind to you & acknowledge your progress!

Sorry for all the waffle. You have friends who care here and are always here to listen or the netline for a bit of privacy! lol

Hope today has been a better one for you.

Jackie

Oh Jackie,

Thanks so much for the lovely post. Really touched someone took the time to give me a right good pep talk 🙂

Im fine really now. Back to normal - sometimes you gotta have a wobble and get it all out int ya!

Have had a workout on my stepper tonight, and eating healthy food. Just gotta take good care of myself and be patient.

Thanks again, you are a star and a half 🙂

f x

Hi Freda,

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Take care,

DT.

Hi Freda,

Am not great at coping either.. when the going gets tough thats when taking life hour by hour helps.

Your openness with your feelings is your true strength.

have a good weekend.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Well done on going to the interview, hopefully something may come of it. Just going and doing your best is all you can expect, it's easier to chicken out, so all credit to you at a time when things are difficult.

Time to pat yourself on the back and acknowledge your achievement.

Be good,

DT.

Hi Freda

Thanks for your post on my diary, just wanna echo DT's post, well done for going to your interview and be proud of yourself..All our recoveries are unique but they are all so f*****g hard!

oops swore, lol, sorry!

Keep going freda, dont forget that wedding invite for me and my boys, lol...

take care, your dopey friend, ands xx

Hey my girl ((((((((K))))))))

Sending you a huge hug. Thank you fro taking the time to read my posts. I haven't been around much over the past couple of months. But just because I chose not to write, didn't mean I didn't read.

I have been busy livng life. That's the only way I can describe it. as you know Iw ent ot the States. Last week I went to stay with my daughter for a week and I am off again on the 15th November. I am flying to Germany to see my folks.

I am signed off sick until Christmas, I am living off my redundancy(what's left of it) and an insurance payout.

And you know what...I am not worried about a job at all. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Concentrate on YOU my girl. If the job is S***e..go look for something else...you are stronger then you give yourself credit for.

Sending you love and hugs.

God bless

Charly xx

Thanks for the posts all,

Still a bit sapped of energy at the moment! Was up really early for me - 7.30am - this morning and have just felt knackered all day, lol.

I bought a scratchcard today for £1 - I didn't go back for another one, but shouldn't really do stuff like that. Yes, its only £1, but I've found in the past that this is how I gradually, slowly get back to my old ways. Drip, drip, drip....then suddenly I've got a puddle!

So hand slapped, and onward and upward. It didn't really do anything for me - I think this is the difference. In the past, I wouldn't have noticed how little I got out of the odd pound here and there - I would just sort of dumbly do it.

Anyways, I have a course tomorrow which should be interesting, and have my R here tonight which is nice.

Today I gambled, tomorrow I wont.

Hi,

Still trying to buy that 'fantasy life' Freda? lol

Let that particular fantasy die... its bad times... wrapped up as good.

The more you 'feed' it the longer it lives... the longer it lives the more it wants feeding!

Feed that lovely fella of yours instead, Freda and concentrate on your wedding... a real fantasy that really can become true.

You have your whole lives head of you to do what ever you want...

no money can buy that!

Hi Freda,

Just a 'quick one' shouldn't say that your almost a married lady...:-), hope your well haven't had a proper catch up on your diary to be honest, but i like what jac Say's your life and future wedding will be your dream come true, better put the £'s towards that than the scratch cards, anyhow we keep learning that's recovery and it's not a disaster, think the key is some people in recovery probably still can and do limit there spends, i just know for me i never could and it's how we cope alone that counts.

stay strong,catch up more soon,

green x

Thanks for all posts on my diary, they give my heart a little cuddle! 🙂

Ive been to meditation class again tonight. Was good. I like the monk, he's a nice lad.

I got a call this morning to offer me the lollipop lady job, so Im chuffed about that. Not sure how it will work out money-wise, got a lot of questions to ask about benefits and tosh like that. Nemmind, it will be nice to be earning again, and hopefully free of the evil genius that is the DWP. Will be nice to have an answer when people say 'so what do you do?'

Had a course today on how to do a brief intervention with smokers. Was alright like. Think the mental funk is lifting a bit, I get all con-fuddled this time of year...

Have a busy week, so looking forward to chilling at the weekend.

I did not gamble today.

Hey good on the lollipop gig. When I was little we had one that stopped the trams..... ooops buses, she was a very nice lady. Thanks for your nice post. Doing OK my end. Wife is working too hard for not great pay. Sadly I am not really earning enough to quit working right now. Shame really because she used to help me in the business and it was great working to gether. Never mind We have a lot more than many and need to be very grateful.

Love Graham

Morning Freda,

Made up for you and your job, nice to wake up to some good news on your diary instead of the normal moaning and groaning you come out with( 😉 ).

Seriously, really pleased for you, every time you get a knock you come back fighting, shows great determination in testing times.

Hope it all goes well for you and am chuffed to bits on your behalf - Brillo pads!

Take care,

DT.

Thanks for your posts, they made me smile!

DT you said you loved to hear me whinge! 😉

I was supposed to have a meeting this morning about my NVQ but I skived off. Im doing much more than I was a couple of months ago, and Im coping with it all well I think - but this morning I wasn't up to it. I think Im getting the balance right. Not cancelling things when I just cant be A rsed, but cancelling things that are not urgent etc. when I recognise I need a break.

Is weird recovering from severe anxiety because although recovering from CGing is easier when you are very busy, you cant recover from the anxiety unless you pace yourself and take it slow.

Believe it or not, 6 months ago i would feel overwhelmed if I had more than 2 things arranged in a whole week! Thats how far I have come. Ive got to stop telling myself Im a lazy no-good dosser, because Im not. Im recovering from a breakdown, and people who have those are very rarely lazy!

Even though Ive ducked out of my meeting this morning, I have done some housework and pottered about getting little jobs done. I am pleased about that.

Today I will not gamble.

Hi Freda

Thanks for the post on my diary always nice to read your thoughts are.... Congrats on the lollipop lady job, hope you got your winter warmers lol!

As you have asked about my eating i will tell you, i have problems keeping food down, i get weighed once a week at the doctors and i am just over 8 stone.... My gp thinks i have an eating disorder but i dont... I have gone for long periods of not eating due to reasons which i realy dont wanna talk about, but im ok and thankyou for asking...I have basically lived on tea and f**s for far too long, but i am on a soft healthy diet now..

Anyway i hope you are ok, your doing great in your recovery and i thankyou again for all your support over the past 126 days.

Take care Freda (K).... ands xx