Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Your experince at the job centre sounds very much like my experince at the doctors surgery that i described the other day. I think its this.. some staff at the coal face almost expect the customer to be unpleasant and demanding because that is what they have experinced so many times before. They assume that you/me are going to be the same so have already adopted an attitude. My thinking is that these people are either a. burnt out b. havent had the job training to do the job c. dont care or d. a combination of the above.

I am quick to take things personally and its something i have to work on constantly. The person you spoke to was proabably being rude to many people that day.. it wasnt specific to you.. sounds like she didn't have the support herself to do the job.

By the way I went on the stepper yesterday.. first time. I couldnt quite figure it out.. the stepper things kept going down to the bottom and i wasnt stepping.. i figured it our eventually.. lol Normally I just observe the lycra clad female form on the stepper ( sorry.. blokey pervy comment) but its a good exercise machine i think.. i managed 6 minutes only.. I reckon it used mucles I dont normally use. Anway hope you have a good day... S.A 🙂

P.s Am carrying on with my original diary now.. am real indecisive at the mo.

SA you are 100% right,

People just expect rudeness these days. Its probably quite baffling to them down the job centre when they dont get shouted at.

Went to see a different bloke today, who was lovely. It was quite amusing because I could see the arsey one peering over at me. I hope it did her good to witness me having a pleasant, positive interaction with her colleague - perhaps it will make her realise that she has become a little jaded.

Anyways, went to Buddhism class tonight. Was nice to be back at the class I used to attend, lately i have been going to a different one. Do you know what was gorgeous? I noticed a positive change in myself, and it was very exciting! There was this bloke there who was dominating the conversation, theres always one, who thinks its very important that everyone hears all of their thoughts. Unfortunately that means that no one else gets to be heard. Usually I would feel quite annoyed at a person like that, and think they were a bit of a prat - but tonight I just accepted it!

It was lovely! I still managed to see him as a good person, and put my own irritations aside. Its usually deeply insecure people who feel the need to monopolise conversations, and they tend to alienate people with their behaviour. So why feel angry toward him? I felt compassion, that it must be unpleasant to be in his position. He must experience rejection quite a lot, and thats not very nice.

I think im becoming a big buddhist-head you know! its very more-ish!

On a more serious note - I gambled today. I have become complacent, and that needs to change. Im now at a point where I can gamble occasionally without going absolutely nuts. I only got to this point though, through months of complete abstinence. So this does not mean that I can continue to gamble occasionally. Its a slippery slope, and the little lapses are becoming gradually closer together.

Time to apply more effort.

Thank you Freda. Welling up here. x

Had a really good day today at work.

I am there to support the learners usually, as there is a tutor who is paid to come in and do the actual teaching. He was off sick today though, and we didnt manage to get through to everyone to tell them the class wasn't on.

In the end, there were 4 learners. I taught the class myself making it up as I went along. Im usually really self-critical, but I cant deny that I did really well at it 🙂

They all said it was a good lesson, and they all managed the tasks I had set successfully. Feel really proud of myself. I told my boss and she was really pleased I had taken over the class today.

It was a good test-run for teaching practice, because Ive never led my own class of adults. They have applied for funding for me to teach a jewellery making class of my own, so it was good to have a go with a small group first.

Today I havent gambled.

PS - thanks for the post Graham, you big softy 🙂

Had a nice weekend. Have struggled with anxiety at times, but muddled through.

I forgot to put on my last post, that my boss said I was an asset! Ive never been called that before! maybe if you take off 'et' lol.

Feeling good today. Over my bug, so have been working out and my energy has quickly returned. Enjoying being in the flat and getting me smalls washed and all the other mundane stuff that needs to be done 🙂

Asset at work, asset to this site :).

I will second that comment Graham - you certainly are an asset to me Freda

x

Thats really sweet! It feels weird though, is hard to take a compliment. Is ridiculous that only 4 people in the whole world (actually probably just 2, their wives just have to be seen to support their husbands) think I am selfish, nasty, and manipulative - yet they've managed to brainwash me to the point where I feel guilty for getting complimented.

My brothers really do deserve one another, Ive said it once, and will say it again - what a pair of P****s! 😀

Hi Freda you should be proud of yourself and love yourself you have helped on this site and all support at this time is welcome. Receive complements with grace and whatever your brothers are doesn't really matter it is how you are received and from reading G's note you are worth every complements so take it on board hun i will speak to you soon (i hope)

Hi Freda

Just wanted to pop in and say hi, hope you are ok, things change and so do people, well i have anyway lol!

I can remember our early days which are now over 5 months ago, how things are changing and for the better!

That first night in chat with you and DT was so helpful for me and you and DT have followed my diary since.... I hope life pans out well for you Freda, you deserve it!

Anyway im off now, cook dins for the little bundles of joy, take care....ands xx

Havent really got involved in the issues regarding Charly's upset at people posting about their betting on here. It did, however occur to me that I have posted honestly about slips that I have had too.

For me, it feels like a very normal part of the recovery process. I am almost 'checking' to see if I can bet in moderation. Am i still a compulsive gambler? Of course I still am, but I have to discover that for myself, and come to terms with it. It is a similar process for any loss in life.

Anyway, if anyone has been upset by any of my posts I would be interested in hearing about it. I would like to understand why, so that I could try to respect that without it interfering with my recovery.

I remember ages ago I read someone's account of a big win, and it really got my old gambling juices flowing. However, we cant expect everyone in society to never mention gambling. There are lots of things that give me urges, adverts on tv, walking past certain establishments, going to the counter in pretty much any newsagents. My personal belief is that we have to take responsibility for that ourselves. We cant say 'your words made me want to gamble'. The truth is, I made me want to gamble.

I can understand someone feeling frustrated with people who regularly have lapses - but in my case, I would take responsibility for my own frustration and avoid contact with that person. Otherwise arent we just living in some sort of regime where we are told what we can and cant say?

I agree though, that GA followers should not be mocked simply for subscribing to that belief system.

Hi Freda,

I totally agree that nobody makes me gamble. I can choose to use other peoples thoughts as an excuse to gamble.. but like you say nobody makes me do anything.

Taking that a step further I use to blame my gambling on my parents (in my thoughts atleast) from events that happened years ago. Looking back I think wow how bizarre that was. My parents never dragged me to a slot machine and said "empty your bank account now". I did it myself through my own free will.

Like you say, at the end of the day.. its about personal responsibility.. and if things feel upseting, taking a step back to protect oneself. Its something I still have to work on.. I still react sometimes in the moment and do or say stuff that I later regret.. progress not perfection though.

As for the recent upset on the forum. Looking back it was a bit a storm in a teacup in my opinion. For me its just about avoiding writing about the "detail" of the type of the bet. The reason is that otherwise one might be inadvertantly educating someone about a style of betting they know nothing about. Anyway, sorry to go on a bit in your diary.. have a good day now.. S.A 🙂

Thanks Ands (we must have been posting at the same time!), and SA

Im fine, just plodding on really. Have been invited to the annual farce this year, not looking forward to it, but I treat it like a job interview. Something you have to go through to get what you want, in my case hugs from my gorgeous nephews and niece, and to keep everyone from kicking off.

What a wonderful, if challenging opportunity to practise patience.

These people just happen to have some of the same genes as me, but I have nothing in common with them whatsoever. I would not choose their company, but will tolerate it for a few hours. They can say what they like, and make all the sarcastic digs they can think of, thing is it doesn't matter. For those few hours I will be in some sort of parallel universe where apparently I am a bad person. Fine, whatever lol.

Sorry for not following the diaries much at the minute, it feels healthy to spend less time here though.

Hi Freda

Had to read your post twice about the annua farce before I got it, has been making me laugh!!

Just about sums it up for many people lol.

I am lucky that me and my husband always make a point of having Christmas to ourselves so just chill out and enjoy each others company.

His Mum goes to one of his siblings or other that have kids and they are scattered far and wide...suits us fine and I lost both my parents a long time ago sadly.

You made me smile there.

Take care

W xx

Hi Freda,

Just popping in to say hello and hope you are doing ok.

Enjoyed your post about the Annual farce, been to too many of those in my time and no doing it this year. Realised I actually would really enjoy christmas as long as I don't spend it with my negative family.

Hope it goes ok and if not, hit the sherry early!

Take care,

DT.