Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda

Just wanted to pop in and say hello, sorry to read your last few posts but well done on the non gambling front.

Freda i would just like to say that i think you are a very caring, sweet lady and i appreciate very much all your support, kindness and input on my diary.

Said it before your a sweety and i know i dont say alot, i apoligise for this.... just to say you are in my thoughts and i wish you well!

Take care freda, ands xx

Good to see you in chat..I always check out your diary Freda...checking you out with my beady eye..secretively. I saw how upset you were...there was nothing I could say...I wasn't ignoring you sweetpea, I was just allowing you time.

Love from Jas x

Hi Freda

Your a sensitive soul hey. you would be suprised at the amount of people who actually read your diary, i keep up with your diary and so many others, it helps me and hope by you reading other peoples it helps you.some people just dont know what to say and move on and read the next diary down. I only tend to post on people who have supported me and i feel they need support. i would love to post on every diary but it just isnt possible, so i wouldnt read to much into that. if writing in your diary helps, do it, daily..hourly if need be. or sometimes just sit back and read others. we are all here for each other in beating this dreadful addiction. take care.

neil

Thanks Neil,

I was being daft because I am a bit fragile at the minute. Yeah, sensitive - too right! too sensitive!

Its daft because Ive been doing exactly the same, posting less but still reading others diaries. Logic goes out the window when you feel sorry for yourself though eh!

Im confident this week will be better yet, when I think about how I feel emotionally, no wonder Im struggling! I can still move forward even so. Just slowly, but thats ok.

Ive been getting some free reflexology treatments on a monday for the past few weeks from a charity that helps addicts. That is helping. Its just chipping away at the bad stuff and taking as good care of yourself as possible I guess.

I have loving supportive parents, and a great partner. My in-laws are also really nice. I am very lucky, Ive just not been able to feel lucky with so much fear and anger inside. How exciting will it be though, when I have cleared the decks emotionally! I am looking forward to the time when I can bask in these things and truly enjoy my life.

Ive been reading diaries and got me to thinking of what happened the other day. I was out in town when someone handed me some vouchers for £2 of free plays at an arcade in town. There were vouchers for each consecutive day, so you could have £2 free several days in a row.

I threw the vouchers straight in the bin. Would I have done this a year ago? Probably not. Nice to notice progress in action.

They are clever the owners of these arcades, more likely you will get hooked if you come in a few times in a row! All under the guise of free vouchers!

Well, Im afraid its non stop excitement awaiting me....ironing and cleaning the loo! can hardly wait!

Hi Freda

Thanks for your support in chat. I'll try not to be too hard on myself!

Enjoy the loo cleaning.

M

Hi Freda

you are not daft , far from it. this bloody gambling malarky sends our emotions all over the place.

I write down my thoughts as it does help, but also like to share my experiences with others, if it helps just one person to not gamble that day because of something they might have read on my diary, then job done.

As for the arcades....grrrrrr. i used to visit a big one in the city centre where i lived...it was always really warm, they had a canteen, even a little shop, drinks machines, "free bingo" every hour....women walking around ready to give you change and being over friendly. ooo they know how to get youyou in and keep you there..."free sandwiches and soft drinks"..although in the long run it cost me £££ most sessions. Im wise to all that now, and avoid like hell, but back then i was naive and unaware of the serious pitfalls.

on the other side....i remember this very same arcade that welcomed me for so many years wasnt so friendly when i first ever went in. I was 16 years old...underage. a security guy told me put my last pound in and get out....only i was winning...and i continued, before i knew it i was dragged of the machine by the security man, taken to some staff restroom, where another 3 came in and they started hitting me. i was a kid of 16 year old, and they kicked me in! so that is the other side to these grotty places...only wish i had learnt my lesson at 16!!!

neil

Ive had a good couple of days. Im getting into a better place, mentally.

My home is tidier, and its definitely affected my state of mind. I found myself getting really excited about my wedding shoes today! I love them!!!

Anyway, no urges to gamble. Im going to the monks meditation class tonight.

Isn't it strange how us girlies are motivated by a tidy home...must be a nesting thing.

I'm glad to see you feel happier today f.

Jas x

Thanks Jas,

Ive never been houseproud or a domestic goddess by any stretch of the imagination. It is nice to have your house less chaotic though.

I have had a lovely evening, I missed my favourite monk. Met some really nice people too, and am starting to feel like one of the gang there. They know my name now, and are always happy to see me. I make it sound like cheers...

Im off to curl up in bed with a cheeky glass of wine. No urges to gamble, no feelings of depression today!

Hi Freda Think its great you gave those vouchers the respect they deserve and throwing them in the bin! Its a disgrace somtimes that they are allowed to market their misery in this way. Same with all the casino spam I get offering this or that bonus. All binned as soon as I get em. Keep going - day at a time. Thanks also for the replys and reading through my ups n downs. I have actually used this site for quite a few years but the diary is a fairly recent addition for me 🙂 Keep it up one day at a time = all the best Blocked.

Hi Freda

Have finally managed to catch up with your dairy. I didn't feel I could write or comment without reading it and I had a few of my own issues to deal with over the past few weeks so couldn't read up on all of my gamcare buddies.

Wanted to say how well I think you are doing...

Past stuff..yeah it comes up every now and then and always will, it's part of our make-up and they are called memories...I used to call them past demons...but, once I had dealt with them and let them go, they became memories...difference?! - I can think of them and not get myself into a hissyfit over them. I can tell myself, yeah..that happened...and I have grown enough to know it cannot hurt me anymore..if that makes sense...

Sending love and hugs

YSIR

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Thanks Blocked and charly,

Will be doing a proper catch-up with all you guys tomorrow.

It has been nice to have been busy the past few days. Getting some positive stuff done.

I can totally relate to what you are saying re: demons/memories charly. The thing that makes them fall into the latter category is acceptance. If you can accept that things happened, regardless whether you like these events or not, it tends to stop hurting as much. Is funny you brought that up today, as it came up just last night in Buddhism-school!

Anyway, just a flying visit for now.

Hi Freda,

Thanks for asking about my sis...no news yet. No news is good news so they say.

Good to see you are happier 🙂

Jas x

Hi Freda, i too am glad you are feeling happier!

Thanks for posting on my diary and your kind words, um thats it, lol!

Take care freda, ands xx