Thanks so much guys for all your well wishes!
Im not reading diaries this week, must admit. Bit drained!
This morning was my first shift without supervisor and it went really well. Im growing in confidence and if I continue like this I should be fine. Really happy so far, but still taking ODAAT.
Health is number one priority, but nerves seem to be settling touch wood.
Been thinking about you. Glad it`s working out for you.
hi freda
good to catch up with you in chat today.
sorry to hear that the anxiety is getting in the way of you enjoying your job
from time to time, i teach stress management,and stress management techniques, so had a little look at any helpful handouts i might have
i found the following, and wondered if it would be of any help to you
Breathing Exercises
Why do breathing exercises?
A correct breathing technique beneficially influences bodily and mental health.
Where breathing is generally thought of as being under sub conscious control as a means of basic human survival, it can also be brought under conscious control as a means of mental and spiritual survival. Control of the breath is necessary where individuals wish to practice relaxation techniques and perhaps even learn to use simple meditation techniques.
How do individuals breathe?
It is the diaphragm and not the lungs that control breathing. The diaphragm is a large piece of elastic muscle that forms the floor of the chest cavity and separates the chest cavity from the abdomen.
When contracted downwards the space between the lungs and the diaphragm is increased. The lungs swell out to fill the space, this automatically draws air from outside the body.
As the diaphragm expands the space in the chest cavity is reduced and air in the lungs is expelled outside of the body.
Air is drawn down through the windpipe, through the bronchi and bronchiols and in to the thousands of alveoli (air sacs) which comprise the lungs.
The blood vessels to the lungs carry the body's waste gaseous products to the lungs and exchange them for a supply of oxygen, which is then transported, all round the body.
Most people do not breathe properly. Generally this is due to poor posture and poor breathing habits caused by prolonged and persistent stress.
The combination of correct breathing and relaxation is the proper antidote to the effects of stress. Correct breathing techniques are slow, deep and gentle breaths.
There are 4 stages
1. Breath in
2. Pause
3. Breathe out
4. Pause
Breathe out for longer than breathing in. Everyone has his or her own breathing rhythm.
Do not try to copy other people's breathing rhythm.
Breathe in and out through the nose unless you have a cold.
Think of the in breath as active as in refueling your body
Think of the out breath as passive and releasing
Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises may be used to ventilate and cleanse the lungs, stimulate the bodies cells and refresh the entire body.
Care should be taken when starting to use breathing exercises as some people initially may experience some discomfort. For example, light headedness or dizziness. This is because the brain is receiving a larger amount of oxygen than usual, as most people are very shallow breathers.
If this should happen to you, stop the exercise and return to your normal breathing pattern. Then, day by day gradually increase the practice of deeper breathing.
It is recommended that these exercises are performed in a well ventilated space and ideally away from traffic and pollution.
Basic hand positions that encourage deeper breathing
Before commencing any of these techniques find a comfortable position.
It could be lying down on the floor with a small pillow under your head and a small pillow under your legs, so that your knees are slightly flexed.
If you decide to sit on a chair find the position which keeps your back as upright and as straight as possible. Ensure that your feet are flat on the floor. If you are wearing high heels, it is probably better to slip the shoes off.
Before commencing any breathing exercise spend a moment or two thinking about your breathing. Try, if you can, to imagine the air coming in through your nose and going down the windpipe into you lungs, and the lungs expanding with the life giving, and refreshing air. Then try to imagine the air going out of your lungs, and your lungs slowly deflating. Try, if you can, to still the inner chatter and concentrate only on the steady slow rhythmic breaths. If you are unable to do this initially, don't worry and don't give up. Keep practicing.
Lower - lobe breathing
Form a circle by placing the thumb over the index fingernail. The other three fingers should be in the extended position. Place the back of the hand just above the knees. Firm pressure from the thumb should be exerted on the index fingernail. Relax your facial muscles and close your eyes. As you breathe in and out feel the air being passed to the lower lobes of your lungs. Begin to feel the calming effects of the air in you lungs.
Mid - chest breathing
Form a circle by placing the thumb over the index fingernail. The other three fingers should folded in towards the palm. Place the fists firmly down (high up) on the thighs
Upper - lobe breathing
Tuck thumbs into fists firmly (like babies do). Firmly press fists on to upper thighs. This exercise is very good for helping to relieve asthma, bronchial catarrh, and mucous congestion in the upper chest.
Full chest breathing
The fists are in the same position as in the last exercise. This time placed at mid chest level
Hands facing up, side of hands curled and little finger pressing against the rib cage. Always exhale completely before starting a new breath. Start with 3 - 4 breaths and increase the number as suits you.
The following exercise is recommended for use after contact with crowds.
Inhale a complete breath. Retain the air for a few seconds. Pucker the lips as if to whistle. (Don’t swell out the cheeks) and exhale a little air through the opening with considerable force. Stop for a moment, holding the breath, then exhale a little more air. Repeat until the air is completely exhaled.
Practice until it can be performed naturally and easily.
Not more than 2 breaths per attempt.
Rhythmic Breathing (Breathing a square!)
This exercise can be performed when you feel the need for some time and space to re-focus.
Sit erect, chest neck and head in a straight line., shoulders slightly back, hands resting easily on the lap. In this position the weight of the body is largely supported by the ribs, and the position is easily maintained.
Inhale slowly a complete breath counting 6 pulse units. Retain the breath for a count of 6 pulse units. Exhale slowly through the nostrils for a count of 6 pulse units, and pause for a count of 6 pulse units.
Repeat a number of times, but avoid fatiguing your self. Practice this exercise, as you will find that it leaves you feeling relaxed and refreshed.
Brain Stimulation (Clearing the brain and nervous system)
Sit properly and breathe rhythmically. Press the left nostril closed with your thumb, and inhale through your right nostril. Remove your thumb and close the right nostril with your forefinger. Exhale through the left nostril. Without changing fingers, inhale through the left nostril. Change fingers and exhale through the right. Continue in this fashion for as long as you feel the need.
also, there is a very good helpline that you could contact maybe before you go to work
its called first steps to freedom, and they offer a telephone service. thinking that if the anxiety is building up, maybe a wee word with a helpline advisor could help settle you a little before you go out
love
rusty
xx
Thanks Rusty, I will give those a go!
Well, getting settled into my new routine now. It turns out to be quite a boring job, standing around. However, my priority is to feel relaxed and happy and able to pay the bills. This job is a stepping stone, something to keep an income coming in whilst I recover from the depression and anxiety. I imagine in 12 months time I will be bored silly, but hopefully I will be ready to move on before then.
Ive been on an unblocked pc for 3 or 4 weeks now. I gambled online for the first time yesterday. I returned to gambling more today, and so have installed gamblock.
Ironically, I was trying to be frugal. Why fork out for the gamblock software? I might be alright now! Well.....nope.
I dont want to talk numbers or details, but it was a fairly typical amount for a 'session' nothing crazy, two figures. Im glad I pulled back and put the necessary blocks in place.
Anyway, busy day tomorrow. Work and having a wedding dress fitting in between. Am looking forward to completing a whole week in my new job, and knowing that next week should be infinitely less stressful.
Roll on Friday 4.30pm!
hi freda, its good to hear that you feel more settled into your routine now.
another thing that might help would be a simple kind of visualisation. spend a couple of minutes before you get up in the morning to go to work, just imagining a really good shift, one in where you feel relaxed and happy through out the shift. Imagine the happy smiles of the children, the grateful parents for you looking after their kids, and concentrate on the good feelings you get from that, and let those good feelings go with you to work. Its a very simple exercise, but if you stick with it, very powerful.
reading your comment about 4 weeks on an unblocked computer, reminded me of my experience. I didnt use gamblock, i was much too stubbourn for that! However, what i did do was to write and exclude myself from my usual sites, and got my puter geek to put in the simple blocks that my puter had on its system. but a year or so after i stopped playing poker, i needed to buy a new lappy. When i got my new lappy, i commited to myself that i would not look at a gambling site. I didnt want the cookies on my puter, and i didnt want any reminders of my poker playing days on it. that is working for me. Even if i went to a poker site, or gambling site, it would feel like a step back for me, and a step too close to playing poker, so i just dont do it I guess its a type of self moderation.
hope your day goes well
take care
love
rusty
xx
Best day yet! no valium at all, and dashing across the city this afternoon to get my wedding dress fitting done. Felt fine, although am tired now.
It was very exciting wearing the dress again. I look alright in it! and I always think I look cr** in everything!
Well done on coping with the job and adjusting to new situations, give yourself a big pat on the back for that.
Still not so good on the gambling front but I know that you know that anyway, thnking of you.
Have a goodweekend.
love W xx
Hi Freda
Thanks for posting on my diary, guess its not time for me to leave completely yet, a little embarrasing realy. Nice last post of yours and i hope you are very proud of yourself.
As far as the eating goes i have bit of an eating disorder i guess.... I got used to not eating just tea and f**s, i look at food and sometimes it just makes me feel sick, so then i dont eat...Then when i do eat i sometimes have to make myself sick, i know it sounds weird and kinda disgusting but thats just a part of my life! My sons however eat like pigs, lol. Anyway just having a realy bad day, feeling sorry for myself and have being doing my normal and thats crying. Over emotional thats me, mothers day always makes me feel depressed for various reasons.
Sorry im realy waffling, hope you have good weekend Freda, take care ands xx
Hi Freda,
I have this vision of you dashing across London in a wedding dress. Have you seen Four Weddings and a Funeral.. ie Hugh Grants on screen sister legging it to get to the church on time.. anyway thats what i am imagining you look like :-).. glad that your happy with it.. Hope you have a good weekend and thanks for your thoughts in my diary.. S.A 🙂
P.s Well done for installing gamblock! 🙂
Had my mam over for Sunday lunch, and this year was able to spoil her due to the massive reduction in gambling.
Had reiki yesterday, and am just feeling so much better in myself these days. Six months ago, there would have been no chance I could cope with cooking sunday lunch and entertaining for a few hours after a week of work.
Felt quite pleased with my cooking, and there were clean plates all round so must have been half decent grub!
What a difference a week makes. This time last week I was fighting to stay calm and not freak out about my first day at work.
Have more challenges ahead this week, as have been moved to a busier site to cover sick leave. Quite daunting after only just completing my first week, but I dunno, Im fretting less. Its a pain to be moved, but is only for a fortnight, and will at least postpone the boredom from setting in. Variety is the spice of life after all!
Well Im off to have a bit exercise and then tackle the bombsite that is my kitchen!
You are doing so well Freda. Really proud of you, you have coped really well girl.
Love from Jas xx
Knackered but coping!
That about sums up the last few days 🙂
Hi Freda
I posted the bit below in my diary but thought I better copy it onto yours too.
Love and Hugs
Thank you my girl for your kind words.
"..accept whichever way the job goes for me..." Good girl. Good attitude to have. Once I learned(and still learn) to accept things as they come at me, I learned(and am still learning) that I can deal with them much better, without getting into a mental marathon with myself.
God Bless
Charly/Sabine
Still knackered!
I have been in a good mood for much of the day though. This was nice, as when Im really tired I usually don't notice.
Last day tomorrow, then ahhhhh a lie in! After being on benefits for 2 years its a shock to the system to leave for work at 7.30am!
A very pleasant kind of thing to moan about though. Im very grateful I have an early start to moan about if you see my point. I feel like I have more of an identity now.
Cheers!
You are buzzing and it's infectious.
Jas xx
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