Going to keep this thread now!

Gambling-wise I am back to one day at a time.

I was always taking things this way, but some days I wouldn't think about gambling at all. I have caused myself to think about gambling more, through my own lack of effort and my complacency. Occasional slips became regular ones. Ah, thats the past now though.

had first online session with Gamcare today. was very good, feeling positive about it. Got quite upset and stressed as I always do when relaying what i call the 'back story'. Its necessary with a new counsellor though, so they know where you are coming from. Anyway, had a right old cry and gave myself a nosebleed. Ee! what a carry on.

Anyway, I have had a good week. Went to my meditation class on tuesday, had missed it for a few weeks due to tiredness - I dont get home from it until 10.30pm - I love listening to the monk. he is very special 🙂

Do you know what is sweet about being a lollipop lady? little kids get excited when they see you, and they wave and smile. Its so cute!

I am feeling good - high five!!!!

Nice to hear.

Hi Freda

Its great things are going so well for you lateley.

Those young kids must bring a smile to your face every morning.Its good to know there is someone out there like you getting our kids safley on their way .Keep up the good work Jeff.

Successfully fought some urges yesterday. I have become lazy in my recovery lately, and given in to a lot of urges without even trying to fight them. However, there has been a lot going on for me, and its only natural that I more tired and have less energy for fighting.

I do still need to fight them though, or I find myself back where I am now, where the urges are coming everyday.

In the long run I am making more work for myself, because I had gotten to the point where most days there would be no urges at all. Now they are niggling away in my brain again. I have learned something from this experience - you cant stop working on your recovery because life gets busy or scary. The work will just pile up and still need doing in the end.

Hey my girl.

Glad to make you laugh. Laughing is good.

As for your urges. I used to get them. It was like when I gave up smoking too.

Whilst telling myself I cannot do this ever again, the urges became almost unbearable and with the smoking I always gave in to it in the end.

This time round I am telling myself..girl, you're not gonna do this today, if you really really really want one then you have one tomorrow.

And when tomorrow comes around it is today all over again. 🙂

I have not gambled since the 5th June 2007 and I haven't smoked since the 6th March 2009.

Also, now you are off work for the Easter break, make plans of things to do, make a list..and when you feel low and full of urges, get the list out and just do to a few things on that list, don't think about it, just do them.

Before you know it, the urges will have passed. I used to just get on a bus and drove around town and back or go for a walk or read diaries or a book.

HAve a good restful break.

Sending love and hugs

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Hi Freda... thanks for your summary of where I am at. Your pretty much spot on I think. It feels nice to have it summed up in a nut shell.. thank you.

I totally relate to your recent thoughts. Its the easiest thing in the world to wake up one morning any morning and think "I am tired of this recovery lark" and just settle for a gambling lifestyle. But fight it I must and seems like your fighting again as well.. day at a time... happy easter.. S.A

Found myself feeling quite blue and lonely yesterday. So I went on a mission! Into town, tin of paint and a roller thing, back and started cleaning down the bathroom walls to paint!

Turned out, I had opened a can of worms, as the paint all started flaking off and it took me ages to get the walls ready. However, its now ready to be painted. The colour looks absolutely nothing like it does on the tin - its hideous! but I dont care. It will need 2 coats anyway, so I can always put a lighter shade over the top. It just feels good to be doing something to help myself.

Its very important to me, that I can sit and moan about whats getting me down yes, but I must always find a way of doing something about it if possible too. Its empowering, energising, and actually helps you let things go if you figure out there is nothing you can do.

I really wanted to gamble yesterday, but didn't. Today I wont gamble.

Ahh Bless ya Freda. Thanks for message.

Oh my.. I can picture you trying to rub the walls down in preparation for painting and everything flakes off. If that was me, the paint would have all come off by my colourful language alone, lol.

The main thing is you are doing what it says in the book. Keep busy, fill the time...do something you don't like doing... what you are doing ticks all the boxes.

You're doing well my girl. Give yourself some. credit an d a big hug. ((((((((Freda))))))))) Well Done.

Sending live and hugs

Charly/Sabine xx

Really wanted to gamble today. Was meant to be going to the pictures, but my friend cancelled on me so I had time on my hands...

I got myself home without incident, but was hard.

My head has been all over the place today, I have been neglecting my meditation. Gonna have a workout, then meditate.

Thank you for looking our for me Freda...you lovely girl you.

I'm glad you didn't gamble today...we are worth more than that sweetie.

Love from Jas xx

P.S You are a very intuitive young woman by the way....empty nest.....never mentioned it before but you have read between the lines....clever you 🙂

Hey my girl

Well done for getting home safe.

If that had been me, I would have still gone to the pictures.

Hmmm... on second thoughts, maybe not. In the past that would have been a good excuse to go and gamble.

Yep, can understand how you felt. Even more reason to be proud of yourself.

Do you think that you and I are crxp at taking rejection? There most probably was a very good reason why your friend couldn't make it. But our brains are such wonderful machines. They conjour up such colourful scenarios don't they. " hmm.... must be me...he/she didn't come because they didn't want to spend time with me...wonder what I did???.... hmm... must punish myself for being bad...now... let's go and gamble..."

HELLO MY FRIEND.

We are worth so much more. And you recognised that by going home.

Sending lots and lots of love and hugs ((((Freda))) yourway.

You're doing good girl, you'e doing good!

God bless

Charly/Sabine

Hiya Freda

Thanks for the lovely words, legend lol! anyway nice one for not giving into temptation and gamble. Funny how our brains automatically think about gambling when things go array! Glad you didn,t!

take care freda, ands xx

Thanks Jas, charly and ands 🙂

I know what you are saying about rejection Charly, oh yes! but on this occasion it wasn't that way for me, as my friend has depression and got herself in a state. I can directly relate to that, so it never feels like rejection with her.

The gambling urges are starting to simmer down now thankfully. They always seem to have one last try at convincing me its what I should be doing! around a week or so after my last bet! then my brain gets the message in the most part.

Hopefully it will just be the random urges now, that spring up from time to time, or the emotional reaction ones which I know to keep on the lookout for.

Going to see that film today with my R instead, so every cloud has a silver lining as I get someone holding my hand while we watch it.

Did a workout again today, but I never did get to that meditation. So easy to be lazy with it, but it really saves my bacon when times get hard.

Had a nice time at the movies with R last night. Found it hard though, as I had been doing too much and had got myself a bit het up and flustered. Sitting still for 2 hours was hard, and it was an emotional movie.

Got a letter the other day saying id been approved for some government top up for returning back to work, so that is really nice. It will mean I am no longer worse off financially for returning to work. It was h*r d on a cold day thinking 'im doing this for £20 a week less than i was getting on benefits!'.

Gambling thoughts continue to settle down for which I am grateful.

Hello Freda,

You are certainly coming across in a much more positive, stronger way of late. Really great stuff within your posts to others.

Glad to hear that you are also entitled to a top up Freda, makes it all more worthwhile.

Although I think this job is giving you far more than money... reading between the lines.

Here's to your continued growth 😉

Jackie