Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda

Your post was very welcome and yes you got it, my realtioship with money is definitely a bit off kilter, have posted more in my diary.

Just wanted to say a big thanks for all the support, am determined to live up to it now

love W xx

Thanks Jac and W,

I am getting lots of things out of working again, yes. It is nice for that area of life to not be a problem for the next while.

Im very whiny today, but all silly things like my skin being spotty and sore. Happy under the grumbles.

HI Freda,

I think your doing just great. The transition back into work after having been away from it for a period of time is often not easy. But you done it.. nice one. Glad your happy under the grumbles.. thanks for your recent support.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Hope you are having a nice weekend.

I liked your last post....worrying about your skin being spotty and sore....hope that's on your face f???

You are doing really well....Jas xx

Lol Jas, yes it is on my face...mainly ;-D

I am a bride in 3 flippin weeks, and I am covered in spots, flab and more flab. Most of the time im not bothered, but I go through fazes of panic, ha ha.

I think its because its the whole 'bride thing'. You are supposed to look beautiful, thats the rule. Im thinking ' oh my god, i hate everyone looking at me'.

It will be fine. Im just having a bit of an episode, lol. Then I will accept things as they are, and get on with it.

Tried my wedding dress on yesterday and it looks nice. Had a few drinks afterward with my mother-in-law then home for cuddles.

Im really enjoying this week. Last week I was a bit het up for some reason. I think I was trying to do too much. Kept thinking 'I must get X, Y and Z done before I go back to work'. I have settled into my 2nd week off rather nicely though! Was having a mooch round the shops this afternoon, thinking 'this is the life!'.

Have been tempted to go into the arcades twice today. Luckily I didn't though.

Met my sort-of friend for a coffee this afternoon. I say sort-of because I find her quite bossy and controlling and she is always undermining me. I dont take it to heart, but its just irritating. She told me I couldn't wear brown eyeshadow on my wedding day, today. I will have to wear pastels instead because I have blue eyes. Its comical really, because she obviously has no idea what a k**b she is being. If I want to wear a clown suit, and paint my face pink I will. Its got f**k all to do with her!

Does anyone have friends that they regularly find themselves asking 'What on earth am I friends with you for?' Its funny.

With people like her, I just wont go out of my way for them, and then I wont end up resenting them.

Anyway, I think that's when the arcade urges were triggered. But they are just urges, they pass.

Hi Freda thanks for the post. Good on you wear what ever you like on your big day. If it makes you happy go for it and give bossy boots ody swerve.

Hi Freda tnx for the post I looked for you earlier and never found you so its a bit l8t...ty anyway....

Hi Freda,

Yes, ive had supposed friends b4 who talked obssesively about themsleves and whenever I tried to talk about me and what my thoughts were i'd get interrupted so they could talk more about themsleves. I find that a true friend is someone who is interested in what i have to say and is pre-pared to give me time and space to be myself.

The strange thing with me though is that because ive always been a bit of a people pleaser ive often go back for more. It was no surprise of course that in spending time in the company of people i didn't want to spend time with them then the allure of chilling about with slot machines was no surprise.

Glad you overcame those pesky urges and that you seem to be in a good place at the mo.. what with wedding coming up.. all excited no doubt.. happy days.. S.A

Im having a bad day!

I gambled.

I have been feeling really stressed and pi**ed off, and you know why? People seem to want me to feel how they think i should feel. That always freaks me out.

I am getting married in 2 weeks yes. It is a nice thing. That is all.

I find this with Christmas too. People try to impress this idea of how its 'supposed' to be, and how you are 'supposed' to feel on to you.

I dont feel like I am walking on f*****g air, I dont feel like its going to be magical, I dont need my hair and make up to be breathtaking. This is not the wedding day that I am expecting. I will feel much as any other day. My love for my husband wont magically balloon by 500% on 'the day'. I will still think his f***s stink, I will look the same only dressed up, I will still be living in REALITY.

I will be happy to be marrying my husband, but other than this, I will still feel the same. I wont be expecting anything more of myself because it is not realistic.

Why do people do this to themselves and each other?

hey ferda,

my sentiments exactly. my anniversary tomorrow it is going to be 7 yrs since we got married. wanna know how many people was at my wedding 6! including myself and it was ok had 3 wedding cake ate two all by my lonesome, was not stressed , i knew what what i wanted and went for it. it is you and your husband's day everybody else are just spectators there to cheer you on, so do what you like, how you like, so you can be happy to enjoy your day

P.S. don't worry about gambling just consider it as falling off the horse, brush yourself off and get riding again ( by resisting the temptation to gamble)

Hi Freda.. sorry if I hit a nerve with my comments about the wedding thing.

As for the gambling, its like Dee says "consider it as falling off the horse, brush yourself off and get riding again".

Take care.. S.A

Hope you have a better day tomorrow 🙂

Thanks SA and Dee,

You didnt upset me SA it is the people around me trying to push me around!

I feel really down today. We went for dinner with my father-in-law last night and he was asking what had happened between me and my brother. I couldn't even explain, and just felt so silly.

Im having one of those days where Im scared its all just me, and Im just a difficult person.

I have been playing chess on the computer all day. Literally for about 6 hours. Havent even got dressed.

Im going to get dressed and go out, I will drive myself mad otherwise.

Well I got out and about for a bit. Avoided gambling. Its not part of my lifestyle anymore, and I have made significant improvements in my gambling, but I am still struggling to make it a permanent thing.

One little slip and then I have to deal with the temptations and thoughts for the next couple of weeks.

Im just making myself go around in pointless circles.

Time to start taking this seriously again.

Hi Freda,

I am much the same. After a gambling episode I remain vulnerable to more gambling for a couple of weeks or so. Its that thing of wanting the money back and sub-conciously its also about self-loathing and punishing oneself.. the self-destruct thing and escaping reality of course. Forget about the stopping "permanently".. its about stopping for today only and then saying the same the next day. Like you say its pointless going around in circles.. but like most people on the site its hard to stop doing just that. Hope you have a good weekend.. weathers lovely here. take care.. S.A