Hi, I am new to this site, but not new to everything that comes with the self destruction of gambling.
I have gambled on and off for the last 20 years . I got in deep years ago and after stealing from my employer to try and cover my tracks. I am not proud of that time in my life. I nearly lost everything. My kids, my husband, family, house and my freedom. After going through every imaginable emotion I went to my local GA meeting. I stopped gambling, gained back trust and respect of people, and felt strong.
Like most ( I assume, sorry if it is wrong assumption) I thought...... one little bet won't hurt, especially since I really don't want to go back to "That" place.
WRONG...... God was I wrong. Before I knew it I was back in "That" place. Out of control, taking payday loans, telling lies to cover myself (never stole from my employer this time, so maybe a little more restraint) .
I have support (in my husband and parents), so I know I am luckier than most, but I'm struggling worse than the first time. Struggling to control my self pity, my anger (which I have right to have) my emotions and my demons not to gamble.
So this time I have taken and am willing to do anything to get clean. I have had counselling, I have been reading other peoples strories, I am back and WILL continue to go to my GA meetings, I am going to try and sort GAMCARE counselling too.
I suppose I just wanted to introduce myself to you and ask if anyone else who has relapsed has found the 2nd attempt more difficult or is it just me.
Could anyone give me anymore guidance on gaining more strength to fight this
Thank you in advance to who ever reads this.
Hi there,
Thanks for posting. I can totally relate to what you're feeling.
I got in deep almost 5 years ago and ended up with a big remortgage on the house to pay off some big credit card loans. Then for some bizarre reason, after 6 months of no gambling and thinking I was cured, I did what you did. One little bet won't hurt as I ain't going back to that place again. But I sure did, but much much worse.
I've found the 2nd relapse a lot harder to deal with, but that's probably because I thought I could just quit gambling and that would be that first time round. Doesn't really work like that though does it. Apart from dealing with the massive debts and the fact I let so many people down, I found it really hard to understand why I would want to put myself though it again.
But you're doing the right thing going back to GA. And yes I would look into the counselling, I found it very helpful.
Good luck and well done on posting.
PA x
Hi I'm done with it
Thank you for posting your story- I have just relapsed at the weekend and felt terrible about it. However, today is a new day and day 1 and am feeling positive about getting back on track! You can do it and try to convince yourself that you know you can - because it's true! It's all up to you! Only you decide whether you go back to That place and the great thing is... if you don't want to you don't have to. Join the chatroom tonight and get all the support you can to get yourself motivated again! Best of luck!
Hi and welcome to the site.
I relate so much to everyone's thoughts. I feel like am on the 5th time around the addiction merry go round. I never thought i'd end up back at rock bottom but I have. Its a baffling addiction thats for sure.
All we can do is keep fighting it.. keep working at.. keep developing greater self awareness.. keep spotting the warning signs and live life not live addiction.
Thank you all for your support an encouragement. It means alot. Today is a good day. 🙂 x
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