Got to give it a go

Hi zulu,

Welcome to this site and well done for starting the journey to better future. You will find a lot of advice and support here.

I would suggest to hand ur finances to someone you trust, at least at the start of the recovery. It will be huge help if any urges appear.

Keep close to your diary, you can record ur days or put down any feelings you have. No judgement here, we are all in the same boat and recovery is bespoke, so i'm sure you will find the best approach suitable for you.

Take care

Day at a time

Believe in yourself, you can do it and it will get easier.

Sandra

Thanks Sandra for your encouraging words.

Now on day 5 had a busy day so not had time to think about gambling or much else which is great.

Tomorrow looks much the same so looking forward to day 6 gamble free!

Well made it through day 6. Tough day, thoughts and mind racing all over the place.

Had a massive desire to gamble after an intense feeling of being overwhelmed by it all. Managed not to by putting myself in a situation where I couldn't, by not having control of my finances.

Maybe addiction is all I know, maybe gambling has replaced or masked a previous addiction!! So messed up why did I not see this?

You're not alone Zulu - if any one of us had seen this coming we'd have done everything to prevent it.

Celebrate being free of it for 6 days......1 week milestone tomorrow sir - how great will that be??

Take care mate and really well done - feel proud.

Mr Brightside

Thanks Mr bright side I am please to state I am on day 9 today of being gamble free. Tomorrow will be the most difficult as Christmas shopping so will be in and around towns . I have put precautions in place because as much as I am going to not gamble in my mind know the temptations are there so am taking someone with me who won't go into a betting shop and that way I can resist. Good luck everyone over the next few days . Have a good Christmas .

Since my last post I have been fighting the fight everyday to stop this evil addiction. I have had one or two relapses but mostly I have been gamble free.

Each week through recovery I learn more about this addiction and how it has put my life on hold. Since trying to quit this addiction I have realized just how much of life I have been avoiding. When the emotions of the last 5 years and beyond start to emerge so do the urges. Trying to restructure your life into some form of wholesomeness becomes a daily challenge. It is just so incredible how the loneliness creeps in and how the low self-esteem wants to constantly remind you of how rubbish you are.

My intention is not to depress anyone who may read this diary, I just needed somewhere to be real and honest. I keep reminding myself that this is all part of a process and that it will get easier at some point. This does help me to focus most days and keep going. I have just got to remain patient and continue to fight.

I have had the mother of all relapses this week.

I know that when I gamble I am escaping from life. I know that when I gamble I can't stop. I know that when I am angry I must not runaway. I know that when I gamble I get miserable and depressed. So why did I let someone get to me so badly that I gave in?

Six words, 'I preferred it when you gambled'. Six words I fought for days until I allowed myself to give in. I am responsible for giving in I know that too.

I also know I am confused because if someone claims to love another so much why would they encourage that person to gamble when they know how hard you have fought to stop.

I know I have messed up, but I also know I can't give up!!

stay strong and fight it

zulu

you are not alone, gambling made me desire everything to happen in a heartbeat, gambling offers an instant result, for us that result becomes progressively more devestating as the addiction progresses.

Life without gambling does take away the release we had when all things go south but the truth is all we do is add to our woes.

take the help out there,

Phone the netline, councelling is free and will be a great help, maybe try GA, I have taken great strength from the rooms and talking with like minded folk in the 3d worked for me.

Self exclude, see your gp, write here every day, dump the sh#it.

You are the one who can make change, there is a wealth of help available, you just have to take the lid off.

In the early stages of recovery my wife found herself second guessing my emotions, she panicked when I withdrew into my shell, that was where I always went to hide.

The shi#t will be there in your life whether you gamble or not, you will have a greater chance to deal with it without the distraction.

I hope you use the things on offer, they are free.

Recovery is the gift that never stops giving.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Zulu

Sorry to hear about your relapse but try not to dwell on it and get back on the wagon today.

I totally understand where you are coming from with regards to people saying stuff like "I preferred it when you gambled" I have to say I have had to endure a bit of that since I stopped too. My brothers and sisters are gamblers (all CG's but havent realised it yet!) anyway they try their very best to get me back into it. I would say it is really down to jealousy with them as I know deep down they would all like to stop but havent admitted to themselves properly yet.

I also took a bit from my OH who repeatedly said "why dont you go to bingo, it will cheer you up" it wasnt till I explained the full extent of my problem did he finally realise my addiction.

I would say that there will always be people who might say something to tempt you whether its our loved ones or the gambling industry but once you are confident in yourself and your ability to stop- it will be like water off a ducks back.

Just remember this addiction will wait patiently until you are at a low point and then will try and tempt you back into its lair whilst rubbing its hands with glee. Dont give in and dont give up.

Linda

Thanks for all your kind encouraging replies.

I am going to try and look at today as a new day. Perhaps I need to take each day as it comes. I remember many years ago in my first job at a seminar I attended. One of the most important lines was. 'Dwell not so heavily on what happens to you in life but rather how you handle the consequences'.

These words came into my head last night while trying to puzzle a few pieces together. I remember how they inspired me at the time.

So yes I need to use the tools available to me to assist this recovery process. I know I can't do this on my own, and I need to work harder at turning things around.

I am going to face things head on today, my temptress will need to make a choice today, back off and be supportive, or tempt someone else!!!

Gambling addiction.

Gambling addiction is not selective; people can be affluent, impoverished, and average; male, female, young or old. Some people manage to go through life gambling the odd night out a year or bet occasionally during the Grand National. For the addict like me gambling consumed my thoughts, became an obsession or compulsion. The need to gamble became more important than anything: work, family, health and financial responsibilities. It was no longer fun, no longer about winning money; it was about self- destruction. Life became one big lie to cover up the damage inflicted. Excuses started out original but eventually all ended up the same.

Admitting addiction.

I had to admit to myself the bit of fun once enjoyed had become a horrible addiction. Unfortunately by the time this realisation hit me I had reached a bottomless pit. Admitting things are out of control is not as easy as it sounds, so I tried to stop on my own. Some people can do this, however for me this is just prolonged the agony and the addiction continued. Admitting addiction to a third party was a daunting prospect, I did not want to confess to failure. People have different understanding and beliefs about addiction so initial responses were varied.

Motivation.

There are a variety reasons for wanting to stop this addiction. Perhaps relationships have broken down. Debt has become excessive and unmanageable. Material possessions, jobs and homes may have been lost. My existence was at risk due to the assumption that there was no way out. Every time I think about gambling now I remember that feeling of utter despair and it motivates me not to go there.

Commitment.

Once I had the desire to stop I knew I had to be committed I knew that I was weak so put my systems in place to restrict my access to money. I had to commit to weekly counselling sessions, and I had to commit to a diary and homework.

Awareness.

Working through the real reasons behind my addiction was challenging. Being aware of when how and why I engaged in this behaviour was a revelation. The key factor in this process was honesty; I had to be honest with myself first. Patterns quickly revealed themselves and through awareness clarity evolved. Clarity cleared the path to recovery.

Recovery.

Recovery for me is about acceptance and coping mechanisms. Accepting change and working towards goals has been an enlightening experience. Accepting the bits that can’t change is a more difficult part of the process. I am however learning to be realistic for the first time and coming to accept the fact that it is not what actually happens that is of great significance in my life but rather how I cope with it that will have significant consequences.

Encouragement.

I have to keep encouraging myself for each of the days gamble free because each day that I have managed to control the urges is an achievement. Achievement is not always about enormous greatness!! I would also like to develop the ability to encourage others who are at different stages of their recovery. The parasitic nature of this addiction thrives on loneliness.

Another week gamble free another week building my life. Swam a total of 4 kilometres this week in total feeling healthier and fitter. Goal for next week 4.5 loving it!!!

Well had my last counselling session today and feel great!! I know it is up to me now to keep going forward and I do not want to go back to where I was. Just got back from the gym and swim and although knackered feel happy.

Just being able to smile and mean it is a transformation of intense magnitude. I am just so grateful for the help I have been given and want to share my joy.

Good night

Amanda