I am 29 years old and have gambled off and on since I was a teenager. I have had long periods of abstinence over the years followed by periods of gambling (predominantly on horse racing), which have started off as a bit of fun but have ended up as an expensive nightmare. My worst gambling binge has taken place this year between February and this evening. In that time I have had massive losses followed by large wins followed by even bigger losses. I have racked up credit card debts and have even taken out a personal loan. I used to bet at the bookmakers in my work lunch break - generally one or two bets at most - but since I can now access betting websites on my mobile, I have been able to bet at work throughout the day, which has been disruptive to my job as well as my finances. Furthermore, betting online has allowed me to bet well outside my means: for example, I have bet up to one thousand pounds on an individual horse race yet I would never contemplate betting that amount of money at the bookmakers. I have completely lost touch with the value of money and, while I can lose thousands of pounds betting on horse racing, I have become stingy with everyday expenses and I do not take my wife out as often as I should. I have not told her about my gambling and I do not want to tell her unless I have to; I have got myself into this mess and I will get myself out of it. Furthermore, my wife is pregnant and we are both apprehensive about having our first child so I do not want to make her worry anymore by telling her I have lost thousands of pounds just at the time when we need a little extra to support our future family. I also do not think that she, or any other non-gambler, could understand how a well-educated human being could throw away so much money on the outcome of a horse race. It takes one to know one and, at the moment, I want to deal with it myself, however hard that may feel. I will take one day at a time and do my best to rid myself of this dreadful addiction. Betting has taken over my life and I want my life back.
I am starting Day 1 and am hoping I can get through the day without even thinking about gambling. I am going to be out for most of the morning and will perhaps arrange to meet a friend this afternoon to keep my mind occupied. The more I think about it, the more I realise that my gambling habit has stemmed from a combination of boredom and loneliness. My wife is often working in the evenings and often has to go abroad to work, which leaves me alone at home. I have a small group of friends, most of whom don't live near me, so I often find myself alone and gambling has filled the void. I want to take up old interests again and do the things I enjoy instead of thinking about gambling all the time. Any advice regarding getting through the first few days and weeks of recovery would be appreciated.
Hej,
Pellekanin...lyder meget dansk..
Anyway, velkommen til og tillykke med at du h*r startet På vejen til bedring. Ved hvor mange smerter du h*r, men at skrive og tale om det hjælper meget.
Mit absolut bedtse råd er:hav ingen mulighed for at gamble. Afskær dig selv fra penge...
Lad os prøve at støtte hinanden...og lad mig vide hvis der er noget jeg kan hjælpe med.
Mvh M
You have done the right thing by starting your diary here and believe me you can do it.
There are hundreds of people on here and we can all help each other escape this.
my now ex-fiancee called off our wedding a month ago (nothing to do with gambling or drinbk or anything) and I have lost out, for now, on the wonderful experience of being a husband and a father. You have that great gift so take joy in the fact and throw as much of your time and attention as you can into being a great husband and father and don't leave room for the urges to creep in.
The past is what it is and cannot be changed - I know it is hard but you must remember - don't chase a loss because you will NEVER catch it.
I have been imagining a big wall around that bad part of my life and every day (I am on day 56) that wall gets one brick higher, one brick thicker and I am one day further away from it travelling in the right direction. You can be the same.
The past cannot be changed but the future is whatever we want it to be and I look forward to reading a diary entry from you celebrating your day 50, then day 100 and so on and hopefully you will read about me becoming a husband and father, all in a gamble-free world.
Keep up the good fight and don't let them win!
OS
Day 1
I'm happy to say that I have got through today without gambling - it was made easier because I have no more money in my account so, despite the odd urge to put on a bet, I have no means of doing so and I do not want to anyway - I don't want that sick feeling in my stomach and a night of sweating and not being able to sleep properly through frustration and worry.
I was out for most of the day and after getting home at 5pm I have been on this website reading other people's diaries. The more I read, the more I see how similar we all are. There are times when I just feel like a complete fool when I look at how much money I have lost but I realise that this is a medical/mental condition and like drugs and alcohol it can't be easily shaken off. I know I have got a long, hard slog ahead but I'm going to set myself small targets and tick them off one-by-one. I'd like to turn one day of not gambling into two days of not gambling and then a week and then a month. My ultimate aim is to be debt free by the end of 2012. I will only achieve that aim if I do not gamble. For now I am just going to take a day at a time. The next two weeks will be a struggle as I have barely any money left until payday. I really need to restrict access to money (credit) which is not mine: my overdraft needs to go and I'm going to reduce the credit limit on my credit card each month in line with my repayments. Rather than handing over my credit card and debit card to my wife, I am simply going to restrict the amount of money I have available to spend each month: once the mortgage, credit card and loan payments are made plus the various bills and insurance costs, then I will just have a little money left to spend on food, travel costs etc. I need to be prudent and I need to be disciplined but with your help and support I can succeed.
Well done pellakinin for admitting your problem to yourself and starting a diary,I've found this site the best help I've had at trying to combat and understand this disease. Ur story is similar to mine and most peoples on here,the buzz of chase is wot spurns us on,not the actual physical money,as others say the money we win is never meant for anything else but for more gambling,and we gamble till we lose.- Congrats on your forthcoming arrival,were expecting our second any day now,my missus is driving me potty at the mo! I too hope to be debt free at the end of 2012,I shall be 40 then,but I know by past mistakes I cannot achieve this on my own,i have just enough money to get by each week,I have no debit/credit card and am banned from all bookies within 30 miles,its the only way for me. Ive realised you gota always be on your guard with this addiction,get all the help you can. All the best. Rob
Day 2
I have kept myself busy today and have not had any significant gambling urges. Back to work tomorrow and a busy week lies ahead. Two weeks until payday and it's going to be a struggle as I have limited available funds. I need to cycle to work everyday so I hope the weather stays fine. If I cycle to work everyday for the next fortnight, I will save £50 (10 working days x £5 per day on the tube). Every little helps. Any other money-saving ideas, let me know!
Payday will see money disbursed to my credit card and my credit limit reduced from £5k to £4k. Also, I will remove the overdraft facility from my current account thus slashing my access to available credit. I don't want to get obsessed with my debts but seeing them go down month-on-month will certainly be theraputic. Furthermore, the forceable reduction of credit availability will further reduce the possibility of gambling.
Just for today I have not gambled; just for tomorrow I will not gamble.
hi i have just read your diary and would like to wish you all the best as you i am on day 2.
A little tip for saving some money make a lunch rather than buying youd be amazed at how much you save.Taking it one day at a time.
Day 3
No gambling today. I was very busy at work so had no time to even think about having a bet. Despite the windy weather, I cycled to and from work thus saving five pounds by not using the tube. I also ate my own lunch at work thus saving another five pounds by not having to buy food from Pret at lunchtime. I need to start appreciating the value of money again. Not long ago I was betting thousands on horse races that lasted between one and five minutes. Now I'm saving five pounds by cycling to work each day. Sobering.
Tomorrow is going to be another busy day and there will be no opportunity to gamble. The onset of winter and the fact that the evenings are drawing in is good for me because it puts a stop to the evening race meetings. This at least means that when I get home from work, racing has finished for the day so there is no additional temptation to have a bet because there is no racing to bet on. The weekends are still risky and I need to be on my guard during downtime at work - I may start turning my phone off and leaving it on charge under my desk to remove the temptation of checking odds, race results etc.
Day 4
No gambling today. No time and no money = no gambling regardless of whether I want to or not. I cycled to and from work again today thus saving 5 and taking my travel savings to 10 for the week so far. Investigating ways of redistributing my current debts (8k personal loan and a 4k credit card). One option is to absorb the credit card debt into a restructured loan of 12k. The other option is to stooze the loan onto a 0% credit card but I'm not convinced I'd get an 8k credit limit. I will mull over my options. Just looking to save money on interest.
Hello Pellekanin,
I had to reply to your diary since it seems that you are basically a morphed version of me! I'm a little older, and my thing is blackjack and jackpot slots, but the wife / baby / value of money / amount of money / interests / angst whether to tell the wife etc is exactly the same as my own.
I, like you, won a little recently - enough to take me out of the woods for now - and, like a complete divvy, gambled half of it away. Some weird auto-save stopped me gambling the whole lot away, and I find myself now, like you, awaiting a baby, having a wife whittling about paying £300 for a new pram whilst I'm sitting on £11k debts. But, and this is small comfort, I have just enough to get by - if I stop gambling now. The temptation to plonk another thousand on BJ is great, especially coming off the back of a large win recently. But this is my crunch time, and I really must stop. Reading diaries like yours helps me realise I'm not alone.
good luck - I'll be following your progress.
Much the same as yourself lost all sense of proportion with regards to money. going to ga but really need to sit down and have a look at myself. slightly lost the plot
A partial slip, but not a big one and not with my money: I received a free bet from B**5 and I used it (and lost it). However, I did not continue betting and I just left it at that. I didn't enjoy the experience and it gave me a hollow feeling inside.
Other than that it was a grey, boring Wednesday. I checked my credit file and despite having 12k of debt around my neck, it is at least managed and the payments I make each month to both my credit card and my loan improve my credit rating slightly in the sense that I am seen to be making on-time payments. One positive thing is that I shredded my credit card several weeks ago so I cannot actually use it any longer - I know the card number but not the expiry date or security code. Once I am paid later this month I will make a small payment towards my credit card but, more importantly, I will remove the overdraft from my current account. Next month will be a struggle but I want a positive balance on my current account again - it is depressing to always be in the red on my current account, especially when the interest rate is higher than my loan. I also feel that having available credit, in the form of an overdraft, is dangerous as it offers tempation everytime I logon to my online banking.
I was very busy at work at the end of the last week and therefore had limited time in which to gamble or to think about gambling. However, I have had two slips since I last wrote: I placed a modest bet on a horse at Cheltenham yesterday, which finished beaten although ran quite well. Instead of chasing my loss, I walked out of the bookmaker and went home. I also had a modest each-way bet in one of the big races at Ascot today; the horse finished third and I got my money back on the bet. I was happy enough to just have a modest bet on a horse in what was a great race but I don't feel the need to place anymore bets today. This brings me on to an important point: is it possible to enjoy horse racing without betting? I can happily watch cricket, football, tennis and rugby without betting, but horse racing feels so instrinsically linked with betting that I am not sure. I do enjoy horse racing as a spectacle and I feel quite knowledgable about it. The question is, can I continue following horse racing without getting into the desperate situation of betting and chasing losses? I realise that if one is to gamble, one must never chase losses. If one has a bet, one has to accept that it is highly-likely to lose and this is something that I have found hard to accept in the past. I have to decide what to do: I can give up following a sport I enjoy altogether or I can continue following it from a distance. I am certainly never going to be throwing money I cannot afford to lose on races anymore. I have a number of measures in place: limited access to credit and small cash withdrawal limits on my debit card. If I have a bet in the future, it can only be within my means.
Hi P
Ask yourself how did the £12K debts arise? If it was from being interested in horse racing and getting sucked in then there's your answer. If you can enjoy racing without betting then good on you. It is about you being totally honest with yourself and knowk=ing yourself 100%. I used to bet on horses but did not have a clue about form or anything. Now if it's on I might watch it briefly but can honestly say it doesn't really interest me. What I'm trying to say is that I liked racing bacause I could gamble on it and justify to everyone around me! Take care
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