HARMONY !

Hi Shiny, Just spent a bit of time looking through your diary and found so much I can relate to...sick dad, marital troubles, etc. You are such an inspiration and so courageous. I find I'm usually posting on the newbies dairies, maybe because when I first came here, I was so sporadic in reading and posting and wish I would have used the forum more. Just wanted to put a note of support for you. By the way... I love lavender and hope you got your raised beds done.

Hi Shiny,

I

Just read a quote from you on another diary....

It then lies dormant inside waiting , for that first morsel , then it grows , well you know the rest .

so true....

Keep strong girl.

Ade xxx

Hey Shiny,

Echoing Ades words. Evil is here next by us patient as always...never ever put your guard down:-)

You doing great, keep at it:-)

Take care and have a good day

Sandra x

Just want to say thanks again for your ongoing support and for doing so well on your own recovery.

Have replied to your latest post on my diary.

Just want to say thanks again for your ongoing support and for doing so well on your own recovery.

Have replied to your latest post on my diary.

Yo,

Thank you peeps , have caught up on a couple of threads catch the rest laters.

So my thoughts this morning , I used to think to myself at least 100 times a day , life should not be this hard .

And obviously through the changes I have made , and continue to make that is getting to point of being turned on it head .

My continued fight with my addictions and my compulsive behaviour will not be a thing of the past .

Because although the stresses and strains that fed my addiction have diminished , I can not rid myself of my genic makeup , I will always think too much , always be dyslectic , always be over sensitive to my environment and the list goes on .........

I accepted that a long time go , I have no power to remove those personality traits from my DNA.

Do I have the power to change the way my circumstances so I can live in a better Harmony with them ....... I think so .

Well to be honest , I know so cos that's what I am doing .

My good friend Mr B says gambling is the symptom not the cause , I can see that to a certain degree .

Any ways enough rambling , day off from real job , but off to the shop 🙁 not for much longer though .

Keeping hold of the fact by the time I reach my next birthday , in a couple of months time , the shop will be a thing of the past .......for now it's just a question of ..

Keep on keeping on ..........

Laters

Shiny xxxxx

Hey Shiny ..

Off sickie today ...and cat napping on and off after a rubbish nights sleep..

Yes...acceptance of who we are pretty much sums it up. it's more of a case of negotiating round triggers or avoiding them totally rather than trying to rebuild or overlayer with more chatter what's already fixed...or by a process of desensitisation.

Awareness of what they are is key...in my case "other people" lol ..but today at least I can laugh at myself .

I do believe gambling is the symptom as I believe me raging is also a symptom. The cause for me I know all too well.

I like your diabetic analogy ..and I often use actual illness too to describe what can seem invisible to others who don't get it..

For me , around active addiction my behaviour is like an allergic reaction and if I'm exposed to it at close range and with nothing else to dilute it down it becomes life and death and I become really ill and flare up...

I can cope with it in a desensitised environment a bit like if I were allergic to tomatoes I would react badly if I ate a raw one but if you cook it a bit and add other ingredients to make it a pizza I can manage it better,.lol ...

I was able to manage my ex better and have a pseudo ok life when he was diluted in company and other people such as his family but on his own with me on a one to one under the same roof was a nightmare.

well..Shiny one...had a bit of a ramble there...going for more cat naps xxxx

Hiya shiny

The last day in your shop will be another step you can take forward in life you will find going forward removing each little problem in your life eventually will allow to move on to the problems you feel now you can't achieve, you may well remember my friend at work which gave me so much grief in life but I just couldn't deal with it has had many other problems goin on with gambling, divorce, finance etc... Now these are been dealt with I can now handle this and it doesn't bother me any more the situation is totally accepted it doesn't mean I like it but it doesn't mess my head up, so you may find further down the line you can deal with problems easier

As for yourself with how you feel that may also change the confidence and belief of what your now doing will have a huge positive going forward, you have so many good qualities already you may find that hard to see them in yourself as its so easy to see the negatives they always say you should build on your strengths and not pick on your weaknesses, like many on here I can only see the strengths and positives in you

Just asked jess bout the voice and yes shes pleased with Kylie myself like so although Danni more my cup of tea lol her choice for the 4th judge is Taylor Swift so watch this space shes not said much bout x factor yet but I really like that Melanie think its her 4th time now so shes a trier and a bit like us never gives up

Take care

Castle2

Shiny,

Thanks for the post. I have had many fabulous posts on my diary in the last few days and as always they are much needed and appreciated. Your posts always come as a lovely pick-me-up and are well received.

I can't believe you are nearing your last day in the shop. It is amazing when you really follow someone's diary and you see the great improvements and changes they are making in their lives. I have followed yours daily for about a year and a half. You have made many changes to your life and identified what made you upset and unhappy and set out to change that and I think that is brilliant to see.

I agree with all that you posted on my diary. I will never be cured of wanting to play roulette but I can learn to live with having thoughts of gambling but saying no even if this happens every day and in truth it doesn't happen every day with me. The urge can hit me hard with no warning and if I am not careful I fall hard. Blocks are crucial for me. Like you, I have never self excluded because this would not work for me. I would find a way. I need to carry little cash and no bank card. This works. In all honesty, I wouldn't even think of playing roulette with fifty quid in my pocket. The way I play I need a few hundred pounds which is crazy.

I think I heal with time. If I can get a hundred days under my belt my mind set begins to change.

You keep up your good progress.

Tomso.

Hi Shiny,

Just popping in to send you my support.

Hopefully starting a new DIY project soon so I can bore the pants off you with what I'm doing!! lol

Keep strong

Ade xx

Hey Shiny,

Lovely post!

You are doing so great, and you are moving forward, and should be so proud of yourself;)

Patience and self observation is the biggest keys for me in this recovery, some things we can't change about ourselves, as you say it is in our DNA, but we always can start seeing them in different light, and deal with them in other way.

You are doing great, i wish you all the best and keep fighting the good fight:)

Take care

Sandra x

Hey shiny pants,

I think you summed it up in one my friend, Keep on keeping on.

Hunters at the ready to keep wading through the S***e or splashing and dancing in the puddles either way I am better equipped now to deal with whatever is thrown my way.

Take care

Blondie xxxxx

Yo,

Tough week in Shinys world .

Caused a tidal wave at work , by throwing some much needed honesty to my boss bout working practices of other managers. So am reaping the repercussions .

Oh well for the greater good comes to mind .

Home life , been hit for an unexpected 4k in a week. To once again bale out the shop and help my eldest pay a deposit on a flat .

Had I budgeted for this ......some , but to honest it has almost wiped me out .

Times like this I would be looking for a punt to recoup but no sireeeee.

One because I can not risk what I have left. Two it's 11 days till pay day. ( and I can more than cope )

And if I get another request well the answer will be no cos I ain't got it . My secret stash is disappearing into thin air . Which is a bit unnerving , and uncomfortable . Great ammo for my addiction to start nipping at my brain , which I am expecting and am more that ready for and feel armed to deal with .

The exchange of contracts is still to take place 🙁 and I hope today my ex will push it forward with everything his got . Because if this sell falls through we are in trouble .

So stress levels pretty high, but with the changes I have made in my life I am ok .

Long for the day when it's all done and dusted but it will be just gotta get through each day.

Very aware that there are triggers coming at me from every single direction. And also that my only real support is this site , so reading a lot. Taking my daily medicine as Duncs would say , even if I am not posting.

Right off to work, head high , resolve high , off into battle I go lol

Laters

Shiny xxxxxxx

Shiny,

Keep battle going my friend!

Each day passing by, you coming out as a winner!

Send you big hug and hope you have a good day at work ( which can be possible 🙂 )

Sandra x

Hey shiny armour.

Right off to work, head high , resolve high , off into battle I go lol

Keep building that body armour it will protect you on days like these.

take care .

ZENA the warrior

xxxxxx