HARMONY !

Hi Shiny,

You're making perfect sense to me. I could have written parts of that post myself. As for counselling? I went to a psychiatrist after nervous breakdown number one when my father died. That was back in 1980 when I was only twenty something. In my mid thirties I had another break through with some memories and s**t and saw a psychiatrist for maybe 6 years. It was one of the smartest decisions I ever made. You my friend embody exactly what I rant about on a daily basis. A human being with some flaws that does what she has to do to stay sane and happy. A wise woman I know once wrote on my thread once upon a time: Keep on Keepin on hun!! -joanxxxxx

Shiny,

Hi there. It has been too long. By chance I came on for a read yesterday and noticed your name on the first page. I couldn't post yesterday but have the chance now.

It is great to read a post from you and see how you are doing since I have been following your journey for a few years now. Sorry to read about your relapse last March but happy to read that you are getting help and making progress. That is all we can do. I have learned so much about addiction since I first came here. We are in a fight for the rest of our lives. All we can do is our very best today. I used to be looking for the cure. I wanted someone to tell me that it would be fine and I would never want to gamble again. We both know it doesn't work like that.

About twelve weeks ago I went to G.A. for the first time and it was the best decision I could have made. I am coming up for my 90th day this week. I have fitted in to G.A. like I have been going for years. I find it is really helping me. What has had a big effect on me is the twelve steps of recovery. I used to think my only problems were gambling. Nonsense. My whole life is unmanageable I just used gambling as a means of escape. I really want to get into the steps. I think it is the pathway for getting back to normality and learning once again to cope with what life throws at me.

You have had many challenges to face in the past twelve months and life is a tough game but you never give up. To your credit you always get back on your horse more determined than before.

It is a real shame that so many new people on this board don't know you or the important role you have played on this site for so long and to so many people. I will always appreciate what you did for me.

Regards,

Tomso

Shiny

my dear friend we have traveled this road together side by side,you picked me up when I broke,you always had a minute to spare to offer something to take away the pain of addiction.

Glad you are looking after number one today.

You never drift too far from my mind,nor does Mr B,although he worries me greatly!!!

So I raise my shake to you.

Chink,chink

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hiya shiny

Good to hear from you , it's one long tough journey but we are making it and your right we know the triggers now we do as much as we can to prevent gambling playing any part in our lives , yet we are addicts and always will be , that doesn't stop us from leading a normal life just have to be a little careful

I do firmly believe we will never go back to all that pain and misery that took hold of our lives , we have the knowledge and the tools to survive what life throws at us when we least expect it , what we do share now is that we don't worry gambling in the future as before living in fear of it

Jess is fine thanks and yes X factor still love to sit together and enjoy the fun and more importantly the closeness with our special connection

As always continued beat wishes in your life and journey and as always still eternally grateful for the part you played in my recovery

Castle2

Hi shiny

Thanks for the support

Knowing I was in your thoughts gives me that positive boost to keep fighting the fight , counselling is a godsend I don't know where that hour goes to , another strong motivation for me

Keep doing what your doing couldn't be happier for you

Castle2

Hey shiny pants

I sure have missed you.

I think counselling saved my life, and my ego always told me I was a load of rubbish, w*f do they know ? Well they don't know anything about you they give you the key to find your own answers . One of the best things I ever did, I went in with an open heart and mind.... And came out with a lot to change and think about

Keep at it shiny pants, I know you will , your a fighter and that body armour is looking a little stronger every day.

Take care xxxxxxxx

Hey Shiny,

You have made perfect sense on my tread. I thank u for that. I have to be kinder to myself, let my racing mind calm down, concentrate on the positives in my life and reach for that better place to be. Maybe i need to get a bit selfish and start putting myself first.

Gambling is one of many things i need to deal with, but maybe it is a good start where i can start feeling some pride in myself by earning money and actually watching it slowly build up into something i want for myself. Don't wonna waste money away, gonna jump off this ride and start building my life with more calmer mind. Am 29, many years (i believe lol) ahead of me and really don't wonna keep exhausting myself by beating myself up for the past. Time to look in the mirror and see myself for what i truly am. Maybe a little shy and not as confident as i would like to be, but surely stronger than before.

Thank you again for coming by, very appreciated.

Take a good care of you too, start from within and good things will soon follow.

S x

Hi Shiny... likewise good to read a post from you. I find with me I sometimes have a delayed reaction to life events. I get through what I perceive to be the tough times only to then relapse when life has seemingly improved. Its a cunning and baffling addiction. From what I read though you are most certainly a fighter and always battle back from setbacks. I think you have strength of character for sure.

All the best, keep updating. Warm regards... S.A 🙂

Update,

Not gambled so that's good .

Wonder though why my life can not be drama free for just a couple of months .

As those of you who have followed my journey know my youngest has always been a bit of a handfull, drungs ,drink , hanging bout with villains . Made herself homeless at the age 14 and so forth.

She is a bright girl and over the last few years although still a rascal has turned her life around. Last sept having been offered 5 uni places started uni but did not like the town so jacked in dec. she worked towards getting a place in this town and was offered 2. She accepted one and was due to start in sept .

Then blow me down with a feather , she got pregnant .

I was devastated . Because it is my belief that she has been at happiest ( and she is quite a troubled soul) when she is studying and interacting with people with the same intellect .

Get my head round that , to find that the scan shows that all is not well with the baby , it may be downs or have a heart problem .

We will find out more this week .

Know what ever we will cope find the strength and this baby will be loved and adored by us all.

But yep made so many changes in my life to try to gain a bit of peace and calmness , to seem to walk head on into another situation.

On another note , still seeing my councillor every week, that helps having someone to talk things through with , and have gone through a week without drinking for the first time in 2 years . So just for today on many levels .

The smoking though will have to wait , think if you attack too many addictions at the same time you set yourself up to fail. But as always there is a pay off, not drinking has been replaced with eating too much chocolate , when I had gone off chocolate for months .

Bonkers how the addictive personality does that .

Ok that me , over and out .

Shiny xx

Morning shiny

A really really difficult post to offer support on but I know how much support you have given me and many others so it only feels right to offer some at this difficult time , life sometimes feels it deals blow after blow and sent to test us on all for me it really puts life into perspective the things we should take for given then aren't

My thoughts will be with you for you and your daughter

Castle2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VngT4Of3CR0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

My shiny friend.

I pondered your post a great deal over the past couple of days,from it I concluded that many folk in the 'normal' world would crumble at such news,they would break and not cope,and at worse lay blame at everyone else's feet.

For you the addict, you just rise above it

For that is living

For it I doff my cap

With honour and strength

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hey Comrade Shiny...

No need to reply my lovely...just to let you know im still reading and acknowledge the challenges life is throwing your way.

Just to echo everyone elses good wishes and support and like you said, no meter ticking and in your own time you will be in a better place to tackle chocolate....I'm still a bread head.

(((S))) hugs

Rach and Dotty xxxx

Rach,

Could not find ya to post , so cheers me dears for the post 😀

Just posting what's in my head , getting it out , but I'm ok .

What ever life throws at me, well I will continue to battle through if not what's the point .

Take care Hun

Shiny xxxxxx

Thank you Sandraxxxxxxx

Just putting down my thoughts here not looking for replies guys.

Battling with myself right now .

My youngest who's pregnant : had her specialised scan this week and they found that the baby's heart looks ok , they are now doing other tests to determine why there is excess fluid at the back of the babys neck. So time will tell with that one.

Just received a text telling me that she has split from her fella and is moving into a bedsit tomorrow .

So the battle is : do I let her move back in here .

I want to live on my own , but is that selfish .

Should I as her mother step up to the plate , disregard my own wants and needs out of duty . How much responsibility should we carry for our adult children?

Knowing that in all probility if I let her move in that that's it . I will probs live with her and my first grandchild for the rest of my life .

I walked away from a marriage and looking after them all , because I couldn't do it any more .

Need not to rush into anything. But already the obsessing thinking , batting the situation back and forth has begun, and I will not get any peace until i have decided what my next move is. Although then I will question and debate it over and over .

This need to escape from my own thoughts was often a trigger for my gambling . See my councilor on Wed , hopefully talking it though with him will ease my obsessive thinking, and get me to see things clearly

Till then just for today

Shiny xx