HARMONY !

Morning shiny

Some good news with the baby and I hope further tests come out positive as well , with your daughter I am sure you will come round to making the right decision gut instinct is always good to follow ! Either way I wish you both well and will still be thinking of you

X factor update , jess loving it as always not quite made her mind up yet , think it will be a close one this year though I will stick my neck out and say Lauren but early days yet , new one for jess now is the apprentice she's well into it lol

Take care

Castle2

Now then Shiny 🙂 thanx for dropping by and enlightening me on a case lol. Me not scared that's for sure and to be honest i knew his own a*s is on fire and he just looks for someone to dump all the blame on...ya know how s**t drops from the top to the ones underneath lol..besides..hmmm..he is only keeping that chair warm for me lol..tick tock all I'm saying 😀

.so law things aside..how are you my friend? Hope all the issues got sorted and your back in a saddle shining the light to the universe. My light is surely beaming these days lol and demons are well under the ground where they belong...keep posting girl, we are rooting for you and would love to hear how you're get on. Being very very honest here, you been there for me all along and dragged me from the dumps on many occasions, just would like to return the favour anytime 🙂 please give us a shout, we can bulldoze through all the s**t together and come out the other end where no clouds are visible. . Hope your day off is giving you peace to mind and time to relax..me not working until next Friday...part timer indeed 😀

..spk soon and look after yourself! !

S x

Shiny,

I have not been on in a while but came on tonight and just wanted to say hi and that I hope all is well in your world. I know you have a lot on your plate and have had a tough past year but your strength always amazes me and I know that you are made of the right stuff and able to deal with what most can't.

Tomso.

Yo, Update. Struggling a bit with this site , but hay sure I will work it out in the end.

Got backed into a corner ( nothing new there lol) so my youngest daughter is now back with me . Not what I wanted but it is what it is . Had a glimpse of what my life would be like , being on my own and honestly it's like a balm on my troubled mind, but hay ho maybe in the new year things will have moved on and my daughter out .lol

No gambling , need to be on my guard , I am off for just over 2 weeks and it's my birthday coming up . ( throw Xmas expenditure into that mix) well plenty of ammo for that pesky addiction to find its way back in .

Right now feeling ok and can not see a relapse on the cards , having said that its really only about today . Today I have not had a bet , in fact near on 6 months , although still ashamed over the major blow out I had in April . Which if it stops me relapsing then it's not such a bad thing , a port in a storm .

still seeing my councilor , it helps , filled that void I think, that loosing my dad caused , cos he was my rock who listened and advised me when I was troubled or got things out of perspective ( something I do a lot)

Ok thanks for listening ,

Shiny xx

Hi Shiny.... yes its good to have someone to talk to or more to the point someone to listen to ones ramblings. Addiction doesn't like it when we deal with whats going on inside our heads. I know for me, I am less likely to gamble when I deal with my thoughts and don't run away from them.

Well done on your gambling free time and enjoy your time off and birthday. Thanks for your wisdom on my diary. I am now working to get myself back on track as best i can. Regards.. S.A

Hey Shiny,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and yep i guess a lot of hammering still needed in this head lol but finding that balance not to break the skull completely (as you do lol) ..is still work in progress.

Hey girl - 6months!! That's awesome, i know what you mean about "feeling it coming" and i can recognise the thoughts of the devil building up to the stage of make it or break it lol..that's where the tricky part comes in for me and i seem to let the devil in without a fight...not for long and not with expensive outcome. .but i still let it in....awe well..just pray for heavens to get at least a bit of that strength back and deal with the triggers in more positive manner.

Well sounds like you have some well deserved time off (leaving me working on weekends hey lol) and truly hope you will take advantage of it and concentrate on yourself and your well being. I see counsellor too...nearly forgot how hard it can be (had sessions last year) and all is quite painful at a times..but has to come out. It is all about learning and understanding i guess....just for me it brings mindfook up and few slips but hey...cannot dwell on those and have to move on.

Really good to hear from you. And birthday coming up eh? When? Lol lol..just wanted to send best wishes on a day lol..am not too nosey heh heh.

Keep looking after yourself darling, keep on the right track and keep moving on. It will get better and all the issues seems to sort themselves out in a long haul..you are worth only good things in life 🙂

(((((Shiny)))))

.Sx (struggling with site on this phone too lol lol)

Hiya Shiny 🙂

Hope your holiday is going well and you are having relaxing time for yourself.

Ya know i have been thinking about your previous post to me (...bells ringing lol..danger cause Sandra shouldn't think too much lol)..anyway, you are right ...all this addiction has very weird way of hammering S***e in our heads. Sometimes little things can trigger huge huge problems (gambling)...and sometimes huge problems not even triggering a thought about it. Every day is different, and i guess it is all down to how we are feeling and which way we are choosing to deal with issues....or not even issues...let's say i can feel fine (very rarely i have to say lol...ms grumpy here heh)..but urges would be here to make my happy time even "happier"...Lying b astards aint they!! Lol..it is all illusion in our heads...empty promises to mk us feel better.

aghrr...enough rambling lol..bar of chocolate is all we need to get those happy chemicals going round in a head lol...anything really except - that disaster gambling.

Keep up good work, i thank you for sharing your thoughts. Wise indeed..makes me think lol (positive for sure).

Ok, best get going..ya see wot you've done, I'm late bk from my break and now prob another disciplinary lined up heh heh..bless them all having to deal with this crazy soul 😀 me not scared lol

((((Shiny star)))))

S x

Hi shiny

Thanks for the continued support , weeks off and xmas are always tricky ones for us but we now have all our knowledge and experience to fall back on , I think the balance of this forum gets to us all at times I know I have had my share over the years , I think we both appreciate where it has got us to so far , don't feel any shame with your slip we are who we are I certainly don't anymore it's all bout what we do afterwards that counts

X factor , jess still wants Lauren to win and she's loving I'm a celeb !

Take care

Castle2

Yo,

So today is my birthday . Uhmmmmmm urges started a couple of days ago.

With the exception of the 5 years , I was in recovery ( sure the urges were still there even then ) think there have been very few birthdays that I have not had a bet . That addiction convincing you that you'll be lucky because it's your birthday or you deserve a treat , to do something that in the mode gives you pleasure. Can not remember if I was lucky although that's irrelevant coz even if I was it was only tokens to gamble with the next day , which no doubt always ended up the same way .......... Me in the s***t.

So today , if my daughters were not coming over later , would hide in bed , get the blood day over . Battling with myself is soooooo very frustrating , tiring , and irritating .

My resolve is strong , could of found something to do today , but found excuse after excuse not too. Wonder if it's the addiction playing with my subconscious. Now too late , think that's what happen when you single , my ex offered to take me out for the day , but seeing how much he wants me back, that most defo sends the wrong message.

So I will lie on the couch watch the latest series of gray anatomy ( which I have saved just for today)

To end .......a year older , a year wiser , fraid not . But maybe next this time next year , I will be posting to say 18 months clean , know wouldn't that be a thing 🙂

Just for today .........

Shiny xxxxxxx

Really struggling with this new site , message to gamcare , editing a post is really difficult. As is writing , when you hit the return button to start a new line, it takes you back to the top. To anyone reading the above post, sorry bout my spelling how you can make some sense of my words .

Shiny xx

Hi Shiny.... happy birthday.. but I do understand the wanting to just get it over and done with. I pretty much ignore mine. Its like new years eve. I'd rather work it and get double time!

A number of people have had a grumble about the new site. Oddly enough I haven't had any problems (other than simply getting use to something new). I use "internet explorer" on an old desk top computer. Maybe change which browser you use.

As you say, just for today...

S.A 🙂

Hi Shiny,

Hell it took me 10 minutes to work it out lol (plus have all the gadgets out in my quest lol), and apologies if this don't work but I guess the thought that counts lol!

Happy birthday my dear friend!!!! Xxx

Keep beating that devil dear soldier, kick it intotouch!! You are doing so well and if little nagging thoughts are there today, I am sure you know what to do. Yep yep, shine your light over those clouds and come out a winner once again - just for today of course 🙂

Hope you can feel more peace as day progresses and what a bday without a cake! Permission is granted to stuff yourself with all the goodies on this amazing day.

Stay safe girl ((((Shiny))))

Your nutter friend Sandra 😀 xxx

It's not showing 🙁

Hi Shiny,

Ok..I do see your moral between the lines. You see I should really look at it like I did all along, and maybe I will go against all the odds now ,, oops shouldn't say that but awe well I said it lol.

day at a time...yes, it is true, that's all we can do. And I'm glad you are satisfied climbing that ant hill for today but I truly want to climb the everest. I guess all I'm trying to say, I prefer to look at the bigger picture ahead. I want to live, I want to buy stuff for myself, enjoy good things in life...I just want to get over this addiction.

I stopped looking at recovery seriously and yea I am trying to mend it now by obsessively reading the forum again and it's just clashing with me. I simply know it's one of the impossible tasks to do, ...I don't know what future holds, I just don't want to end up bk to day one again at any given time.

Maybe I am taking wrong road ahead and should really concentrate on myself more.

I am scared of relapse and this time is vulnerable time for me. Maybe I should have more positivity in me..I know I'm an addict for life...and.. aghrr...well never mind really lol

glad you had a safe day girl and hope your special day was full of joy.

sorry if this post comes across a bit bitchy, just my opinion on recovery. I guess I best take some time off to navigate road ahead lol

Take care and stay safe...day at a time girl, yes I guess this is about right..

(((((Shiny))))) xxxx