Hello folks

@gambling_toad 

I've re-written this because it could have read that I was being a patronising killjoy and telling you what to do.

The whole point of lived experience is to share my experience so that you don't  have to go through what you're going through, but also to empathise and maybe show you that I understand and that you are not alone.

I would always set myself up to fail because I made big statements. I'm never going to do or I would never, or giving advice to others but not following it. That is what you have done in a lot of your previous posts and it isn't helpful for you.

Once I stopped worrying about getting to a certain landmark or achieving certain goals then I couldn't fail. Just for today I will not gamble. As long as I do that I'll be okay for today and I'll worry about tomorrow then.

Money will always sort itself out. However much in debt I might be, by not gambling I already had more money than before. I appreciate that there is the stress of Christmas nearby, but if all you can afford is a card, as least it's an honest card. 

I looked at myself and thought that if I left a door open, why not close it when I was feeling strong and not gambling, so I did. Switched the bank to one with a gambling ban option. I didn't need Gamstop but why not sign up for when I might need it, so I did. That was a year after being off a bet.

My favourite saying within GA rooms at the moment is "I don't care what you think, I care what you did". 

I'm sorry that you had your slip and it's understandable that your mood has been affected.

It will get better, but just worry about today. 

Good luck to you.

Chris.

Hello Chris, 

Thanks for your post and advice. I understand what you are saying maybe I am setting to high and unachievable goals. Like you said if I take one day at a time and stay gamble free. I will take your advice onboard Chris and Thankyou for taking the time to write on my diary it's appreciated.

Kind regards,

Toad

Day 3

Good morning. Just had a toasted bagel with peanut butter washed down with a strong ☕

Going to focus on work today. 

No gambling by the pond today.

My mood is slowly improving. 

Come on toad we can do it. 

? 

You can toad, you can ?

Thankyou Charlieboy, 

I Just love positive people like you. Many thanks for giving me the boost that I badly needed. 

Thankyou

Happier toad. 

Day 3 additional information. 

Toad had hellish nightmares last night. I'm only posting now about it. I dreamt my dad crashed car and from the dust my neighbour appeared his head on fire. He died.

Then Mrs Toad passed out in the house and turned grey. I give CPR and she came round.

The only reason I'm posting this is because my anxiety has got unbearable through the day. This might be linked to my recent loss but I spoke to Mrs Toad and told her my anxiety is bad an can I go to off license to get drink. As she is vulnerable she doesn't want me leaving house so I grabbed a bottle of red wine. I was told its sad I have to do that but I know I will feel more relaxed after some wine. Anyway I want to document all my feelings in my diary. If I left this out I would be dishonest in my diary and I want honesty if nothing else in this diary.

Toad

Day 4

Good morning all.

No gambling on my mind.

A quiet weekend planned.

No drama ?

? 

Day 5

No gambling. I went with a walk with Mrs Toad.

Feeling better today although admin advised my via email that some people are not happy with some of my posts.

This diary is for my use and progression if you are offended by anything stop reading my diary. Simples.

? 

Hi toad I've just 're read your recent posts  and I cannot see how anyone would be upset or offended ?? But don't let it get to you toad you're starting to feel better and I for one am glad about that

Evening Toad.

Following in Charlieboys footsteps I have scrutinised your recent posts and noticed that your post of 13th November @ 3-46 read as follows:

"I dreamt my dad crashed car and from the dust my neighbour appeared his head on fire.

Far better had you written:

I dreamt my dad crashed (the OR a) car and from the dust my neighbour appeared (with OR comma) head on fire.

I hope this helps to shed light on things.

Wishing you every success in your recovery.

Om ah hum

Om ah hum

Om ah hum

?quack?quack?quack

Good evening Toad. Hope you and your wonderful lady are both well and enjoying life.

Early days in your latest gamble free adventure but you are a wise old toad who knows what needs to be done and I have every confidence in your ability to do just that.

I also admire your efforts to reduce your alcohol intake. Alcohol in moderation is fine but sometimes toads can over indulge and that can cause all kinds of problems.

May I suggest you try Croak a Cola or Hot Croakalate. You might find them to your liking ???.

I recall one time when I was in the navy I overheard croak dot dash - dash dash croak - dot croak dot. Turned out it was Morse Toad ???.

Best wishes.

From.

Stephen 

I am back again. I hope everyone is doing well. I still follow the diaries. Will post more tomorrow

TOAD

Hello All, 

I find myself on here yet again. What can i say only I feel a bit low. Toad is running outta chances. This self-destruction is no good. I am on here to learn and try again.

I have dusted myself down.

Tomorrow i will not gamble.

Tomorrow is day 1.

Regards,

Toad

Nothing changes if nothing changes. What will you do differently this time? 
Chris.

Hello Chris,

Great question to ask and yes i need to make changes.

Alot of soul searching required aswell. Such an idiot

Toad