hello from the very bottom. £120k debt, wife asked for divorce

Great comment fallen man,

Also Fa, you say my 'short' comment touched you and you would hug me. Well, if hugging me helps you get through this then its worth it mate.
You really are doing well and as fm says, find a way to prove to your wife that this time is different and you will never go back to gambling. In all honesty my wife still has her doubts as does everyone who does know but that's understandable as I've always gone back to it.
However this time I feel like i am 100% certain I will not be betting and as long as our days mount up we are always winning.
Stay strong
Mba

Jeez, feel for you my friend, the places this illness will take us too. Like FM , I am hiding my habbits from my wife , but she knows of my history.

The only advice I can give you that it CAN be BEATEN! I thought I was a hopeless case but am 9 1/2 weeks clean, many here are years free from gambling.

There can be life without gambling, you just have to want it real bad. All the best.

appreciate the comments more than you imagine guys, really means a lot to me. FM thanks for taking the time. I value every word you typed. Right now I'm in that strange void zone, Don;t know if anyone ever felt it, like a good friend you love has just died and you can't cry... I'm going away for a business trip for one week. I'm hoping that will do me good. Especially my wife. I will have plenty of time to write on here I think.

Hi fa,

I just wanted to add my best wishes to those you have already received. This illness continues to take everything that means anything to us - not just money but friends, family, dignity and our sense of worth until we fight back and refuse to feed it.

I hope that your business trip goes well.

Take care and stay strong.

Best wishes

Dave

Fa

A huge welcome to the forum from me.

Fella I came here in January 2012 a broken man, one day from losing the family home and the family that I lived with in it.

Gambling had me licked for more than twenty years before I sought help, faced what I believed was the greatest shame the fact the world would see me as a loser.

The truth is the greatest shame was I didn't ask for help earlier, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My advice simple, gift recovery the same effort you have your gambling and the results will astound you.

Share your recovery with your wife, I have from day one and the truth is she deserves recovery just as much as I do.

The lies, deceit was I can see today like living with a fella having an affair.

The truth there is I was in love with gambling, my life revolved around the next bet, it came first foolishly I professed to gamble for them, what utter bul*l#shi#t I gambled because I am a compulsive gambler.

Embrace recovery life will improve.

Be honest with yourself, be honest with everyone, yes some folk will look to run and hide the silver, but others will suprise you.

Lastly enjoy it fa

Today you stand in the winners enclosure, it may not feel like it but you do.

I did win because I did stop.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

How are we doing fa?

Hope you are doing well

Mba

ok hello Diary,

it's been a while.. Full week away on business trip. To be frank I used that time to be away from all this, including the diary. Not sure that was the best thing to do but if the aim is abstaining then I am still safely on the good side 🙂

Situation is not great. Same difficulties as 10 days ago basically. Zero pocket money, having to hold my breath even using my oystercard.. Borrowed cash from parents so I could sustain the business trip. Wife hates me. Her passive resistence behaviour is torture. Makes me feel worthless and even worse, like I'm a nuisence in an otherwise good life.. Anyway I can hardly blame her. I have no option but to take it.

Spending quite a bit of time planning and arranging payments to be made out of this month's salary. Awaiting a response from my largest creditor on the letter I wrote to them, requesting restructuring. I know they'll say no but I must start somewhere. Plus have to tell the landlord I can't pay the rent this month. Plus xmas is coming. Tomorrow another business trip. Domestic this time but still at least one night in the hotel. Payday the following day. Will hopefully settle hotel bill but zero pocket money on the day. I don't know how that'll work out...

otherwise all dandy!

by the way tahnks for keeping an eye on me mba, truly appreciate.

Glad to hear you haven't been gambling my friend.
Hope you hear good news from the creditor and remember you are making all the right choices at the moment however hard they may be.

Half Life, many thanks for your comment. More useful than you can imagine. Especially in terms of hoping my wife could one day come to be where you are now. Of course I realise that's only possible if I stick to my part of the bargain..

I am doing my best to keep things going for now. Every evening at home is torture because she's making me feel as I shouldn't be here.. I can only hope that things won't stay that way.

Otherwise nothing but survival for the time being. So hard and so time and energy consuming to deal with the situation that here's absolutely no room for gambling. Yes I do sometimes dwell on that "one lucky strike" but the fool's hope isn't even there. So I don't try. If I can get through this phase (financial meltdown, threat of a divorce) the real test whether or not I can stop gambling will come after. I know.

For now I survive.

wife and I just tried to talk about how to keep up with some of the payments this month.. We can't even finish the conversation. It's sad really. This kind of poor communication is only making things worse.. Clearly the damage will grow before any healing can kick in. Only time can heal I guess.. I hope...

My advice to you from a C.G to C.G

1st prioritise your Debts

you must pay Your Landlord ,Utility bills Council Tax ect These get paid 1ST

If your Loans ,payday loans and Credit cards are unsecured then set an amount YOU can pay not what they are asking for ,its the law now to help people in financial difficulty as long as you are asking them for help

I would set up a new Bank Account or what is known as a "parachute" account and get your wages sent to this account so that all your payday loan accounts cant grab your hard earned money

then I would contact http://www.stepchange.org/http://

This Group helped me

Also some good info here http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/forumdisplay.php?285-Debt-problems-including-homes-mortgages&s=dffe174c0e95d730505b8a094f746101

Best of Luck

Jack

Hi Fa,

As long as you keep honest with yourself and your wife, there will be no more downhill.
Jack there has good advice, try to find a way of sorting the finances out but try to give your attention to yourself and the ones around you also. It is confusing addiction as it is, and as more you open up about how you feel, the more understanding your loved ones will get.

Keep posting, keep fighting and never give up giving up.
I am sure you have your soul and heart intact with the loved ones in your life...don't sell it away...family is most important thing in life and you cannot put price tag on it. Your actions will show how committed you are to start building that bridge back up.

You can do it, keep posting

S x

Today my wife asked if I keep posting on here. Positive sign! She's showing interest. I like that 🙂 The start of normalisation dare I say?

On the G front things are going well. Haven't gambled since I started this diary. Before on here I said I'm not entirely sure not gambling is success when I don't have any money. Well the last few days I wasn't peniless but still didn't gamble so maybe this is a start.. Cautiously...

Creditors remain a problem. Nobody even responded. That's even less helpful than I expected. I am strangely calm about that though. I will manage this one way or another.

Hi Fa,

Glad to hear that things are getting slightly better with your wife, I guess it may be baby steps in terms of rebuilding the relationship, but as you say it is a positive sign. Well done for continuing to make the right choices about gambling, it usually isn't the rock bottom point where the temptations start to take affect, as there isn't money available to gamble then, it is going forward now that you will really need to steel your resolve to continuing to choose to be a compulsive gambler in recovery.

As for the creditors, I doubt the silence that you have had from them so far is going to continue. In my experience, once they realize that they aren't going to receive their full payments, or they see that you have only made a token payment, they will very quickly be knocking on your door to talk. Jack's advice about which bills to pay and setting up a separate bank account is good, can help to make sure that lower priority creditors don't snatch your wages before the bills are paid.

Keep walking the path,

Ryan

Hows the progress going since Christmas Fa?

thinking of you

tri