Help

Day145 done. What a ride I have been on. Looked at myself in the mirror this morning and smiled for the first time, came from deep within.

I love this post Matt. Keep smiling x

Thanks LML, life is changing fast and I have to embrace it now.

Had a busy day today. Saw my life coach in the morning, then headed to scope out some new towns that I may move to, caught up with my cousin for a beer who I haven't seen in a couple of years, I told him my story and about the gambling, He said he was fully behind me. The more people I tell the more I know my gambling nightmare is firmly in my past. It's time now to live a fulfilling life and get my teeth into it now. He lives near by a couple of the potential places I may move to so could well be seeing a lot more of each other which will be good.

i then went and had dinner with a customer over from Ukraine, he and his missus were over for the weekend, said some really kind things about me and that they know I will and deserve to succeed in life. I'm starting to listen to these compliments now and use them to help me believe in myself. I truly hope they are right.

Hi Matt,

First of all I have read through the entire thread and I just want to thank you for being so brutally honest in every single one of your posts. I can relate to every single thing that you have said, and you've said it with such honesty. I am really glad to see however that the last few days have become a lot more positive and things seem to be going so much better for you. I will be checking in as often as I can and I'm really happy for you.

Michael

Matt

Hi Michael,

This forum was the only place I really could be honest, now it's a lot different as I have opened up to those closest to me which has totally changed my battle to what feels like a potential victory. My friends and families support has made the difference and along with this diary and my councelling I really feel so much more positive about te end of my gambling nightmare.

It is still very up and down and my lows are incredibly low as the loss I feel overwhelms me at times. I never loved anyone as much as I loved my ex and her daughter but she made her decision to cut me out and move on with her life so now I am forced to do the same so have begun to do that.

I have all the tools to succeed in life and be happy, I just need to use them correctly now.

Thanks for reading and commenting it really does help me .

I think talking to those closest to you about your addiction will give you strength that you never thought you'd have. Don't let your guard down though, and make sure you stick with it.

I think I can relate to your thread well because I also lost my ex girlfriend of four years, and although it was a year ago, the pain is still real. I had a major relapse today and tried to reach out to her for help and she responded but with emotionless answers. It's that sort of pain that sticks with us.

Please keep your head up. You will get through this, and it will get better by the day. I will be checking in.

Michael

Hi Michael

I am sorry to hear that. It hurts a great deal when the one you loved the most turns their back on you but ultimately you have to help yourself first. Your relapse needs to now spur you on day by day. I fully recommend going to see a councellor if you need to talk to someone. Your ex sadly isn't the person to turn to anymore for help.

I hope you can get through this as I hope we all do. You have to stay positive and continue the fight to be a happier, better, gamble free person. Once you turn that corner the rest will follow, it has to.

DAY 147 today. Had some more tears today. This grieving process is utterly brutal. So angry with myself and so sad for what I have lost, I miss it all so much.

DAY 148. Had a horrible call from the ex, upset me greatly but all this will make me stronger. I lost it for a bit emotionally and with some anger too. I really need to get my house sold and have a clean break now and no longer let her drag me down with her mind games.

No gambling or urges either, just determination to succeed now, living a life full of Happiness, Honesty, Love, Friendship and to be as healthy as possible in body and mind.

Stay strong everyone.

Sorry to hear you are having a shittie time just now Matt, things will get better you know they will

Brilliant on 148 days you are my inspiration keep going.

Malc

She is just very good at pointing the finger at me as a horrible person and using her daughter as emotional blackmail. Sometimes I think she forgets she has told me that I will never see her daughter again. However I am supposed to be made to feel guilty because I transferred SKY over to my new place after she told me she did't f#cking want it and I should pay for it until house sale.. She says her daughter can no longer do her homework as internet has gone. She also seems to forget that her daughter has two parents so if she can't do her homework that is surely one of those two should be stepping up before me?

Don't get me wrong it breaks my heart every day but she made her decision to cut me out so I can't be held to ransom now surely. Her daughter also came on the phone and said "do you not love me anymore, becuase you turned the internet and the tv off"? I said I love her with all my heart and she said I don't believe you. Amazing what 6 weeks apart can do to a child influenced by a bitter ex. I really would have given my world to them both. I made mistakes but I never got the opportunity to make ammends and make it all up to them for the rest of my life.

That is sadly now their loss, my ex and her sense of entitlement can go find her Prince Charming. Lucky escape I feel as tragic as it is.

Matt,

I totally feel for you, I understand what you are going through I went through the same pain with my Ex extremly hard to deal with at the time. The lesson I learnt was it was easier for my mind to cut all ties (and we have a little boy together). My Ex phones from time to time to moan about her life I am not interested I still love her and her boys but she did not want me so only option was to move on.

You will get there everything will turn out for the best you will see, I put all this down to experience, life experience some good some bad but all experience.

Anyway stay strong you will get there look how far you have come.

As you said her loss

Malc

Matt,

I totally feel for you, I understand what you are going through I went through the same pain with my Ex extremly hard to deal with at the time. The lesson I learnt was it was easier for my mind to cut all ties (and we have a little boy together). My Ex phones from time to time to moan about her life I am not interested I still love her and her boys but she did not want me so only option was to move on.

You will get there everything will turn out for the best you will see, I put all this down to experience, life experience some good some bad but all experience.

Anyway stay strong you will get there look how far you have come.

As you said her loss

Malc

Thanks Malc,

Feeling stronger everyday and working on a solution now to move our lives on asap. This experience will make me a hugely better person and one to be proud of.

Nightmare is drawing to a close.

yip stay strong mate not long now and you will look back and think what the f**k was I doing.

You are almost there the end is near

Time to start a new chapter.

Malc

Worst time of my life, wish it was all so different but that is not up to me now. What is up to me is taking control of my life now.

Hope your journey is continuing well mate.