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Day 160 today. Hangover is pretty bad but it's the first time I've been out, had a drink and genuinely had a really good time.

Day 161 begins and the journey continues. That is just over 5 months being gamble free. The same period has also been the worst of my life so it has been very difficult to look at it as an achievment or as a positive. One day I will though. I am free of the demon that has lived with me for more than 15 years, the future has to be bright from here.

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Day 162 done. Went to see some elderly friends of my family a kind of non official Auntie and Uncle. My Auntie is in her mid 80's now and her face lit up when she saw me, that was worth making the effort alone (not that it's much effort). Home made sausage rolls and a cup of tea, happy days. They were amazing to me growing up and hadn't seen them in quite a long while. The time I have on my hands now I really want to put in to constructive things and making sure the people who are important to me know just that.

Gambling takes so much away from us, time being one of the things. It's time we will never get back so remember that next time you feel like placing a bet.

163 today good on you, Aye the rugby was nae the best saying that to score 20 odd points in England was good just the 50 odd against was not the best anyway we will survive.

Aye you are right the best things in life are free anything is better than gambling,

Well done again

Stick in Stay G/f

Malc

Thanks Malc,

Indeed day 163 today, what a journey so far.

You too mate.

Day 164 today.

Yesterday I met with the bank to see if I can end the limbo and buy the ex out, they approved it but now waiting on her to accept my offer. I don't want to move back there but it has gone on so long now that I need to start my life again and this is the quickest resolution all round. It will kill me emotionally driving back there and they are no longer there but it is a stepping stone to an alternate future.

I wrote a letter to my ex (I am not going to send it). It made me cry a lot. It was my way of gaining some closure and peace with myself. I think I have worked out what is killing me inside now, the fact I never got to say goodbye to them, maybe that would have been my closure. I have done a huge ammount of soul searching on my gambling recovery and my recovery from this break up. I truly am rebuilding my life and myself inside. I miss them every day and maybe always will but that chapter of my life is closed.

Stay strong everyone, a GF life is the only way to happiness.

Good on you Pal, for your own sanity you need to move on and look to the future.

Malc

Trying Malc, trying.

Day 165 today.

Busy weekend ahead. Looking forward to Sunday, taking my niece to the cinema again to see Beauty and the Beast. That little girl will never know how much she has helped me through so much pain, grief and loss. Her spirit lifts me and I will be there for her forever.

Stay strong everyone.

Matt

Day 167. No bets, no urges and the journey continues. Had a nice weekend. Really appreciating my freedom from gambling hell

Matt you are doing amazingly well, from where you started and how you felt to what you are doing now is sticky worthy. An excellent diary filling us all with hope

Thanks Allaine

I'm getting there. A life gamble free can only bring me good things I know that for sure.

Hi, just wanted to say well done, you seem to be in a much better place, keep looking forward and staying positive x

Thanks Anon, I am in a better place, fully focused on turning my life right around and I feel like I am really capable of doing it. I hate what I lost but I can't change that now.

Life from here will be one I can be proud of. I will use all my good traits to enrich my life and others too hopefully. My dream is a distant one but I do want my own family and if and when that comes along I will hold on tight and never let go. Gambling is a thing of the past for me and self destruction will never be my path ever again.

Not a dream it will happen, Somebody with your will power will succeed, look how far you haev come already.

Anyway day 168 get right in there 200 not far away now

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc