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great post, See little things in life make all the difference,

Have a great weekend

Malc

In my best darts referee voice day ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY!!!!!

Hi Matt.

Huge congratulations and well done on your "Jim Bowen"!! Keep abstaining and striding ahead.

Have a lovely weekend.

Our Lady

Day 182.....6 months, first of many big milestones!

Stay strong all

Nice one see all coming together nicely.

Stick in

Malc

Well done Matt massive achievement. You should be really proud of your self . That is not easy at all .

Thanks guys. Long way to go but I totally feel in control of it and have no need to gamble now. Life from here will be gamble free and as uncomplicated as possible.

I have a mess of a private life to sort out but gambling is not part of that any longer.

Did something very out of my norm on Saturday. I drove past a sign for a beach and as it was such a nice day I decided to veer off and head there to sit and watch the world go by, It was a beach I had never been to before. I parked up and walked past a tattoo shop and thought to myself I am going in. I sat down and asked the guys if I could get a small tattoo or do I need to book?

They said come back in a couple of hours so I headed to the beach, had a couple of pints sat in the sun and contemplated what to get and where. I headed back into the tattoo shop ( I have never had a tattoo before). I opened up to them about my stuff, cried a lot and the reason I wanted a tattoo. Basically it is a small cross on my hand (I am in no way religous) It is to remember my exes daughter every time I look at it and to thank God (if there is one) for the churches I have used in my lowest moments to cry and to talk out loud to someone other than my friends/family/councellor. One of my fondest memories of my exes daughter was of us two attending church together as myself and my ex had planned to get married there and we needed to attend a certain ammount of times to be accepted. My ex was ill one day but her daughter and myself went anyway and it really was a lovely morning we had together.

I do not want to forget her or what she brought to my life so it was my way of ensuring I never do.

Touching post there Matt....you've come such a long way in such a short time. You should be very proud of yourself.

Here is to the first of many 6 months gamble free for you mate.

No stopping you now.

Damo

Thanks Damo,

I am trying. I had to move back to the house yesterday and my ex was there with her new fella cuddled up on the sofa....didn't take long. Something tells me I have had a very lucky escape.

Stay strong everyone

Well done don't know how you managed it but well done, you are a better man than me. Saying that you could play the total horrible f****r and be all nice offer to make them cups of tea sit and watch tele with them f**k it I am pretty sure that is the way I would play it.

Good on you remember all good things come to those who wait, your time will come and you will be far better placed to recieve it.

Anyway good on ya.

Malc

I am now emotionally rock solid my councelling has truly made me a world better in that department. That girl is screwed up and the new guy is welcome to her. I just feel for her daughter now as she is going to grow up messed up too by the looks of things.

Yep I can't go over it, I can't go under it I just have to go through it. My life is going to be one I will be proud of in future I am so determined.

Thanks Malc

Day 184,

So my ex introduced her daughter into the mix last night. So I am in my house with my ex, her new fella and her daughter. I left the house January 12th. I feel for that child I truly do.

I cannot be part of the games anymore, the end goal is a house sale or a buy out so I can move on with my life. I will not be gambling ever again, that is a certainty.

Matt

Hi Matt

I just had a read through a couple of pages of your diary. Congratulations on over 6 months. You have fought the demons and you are winning. You can really see you are determined to beat this addiction for good. I like the fact you are using a day counter in your posts. I think once I make it past the first month of my latest recovery I will do the same. I liked your post about going to a beach you've never been too before and getting a tattoo. I think I need to explore more and get out of the house, being cooped up inside thinking things over is never healthy. I'll be out enjoying the sun after these posts. All the best dude, keep up the good work.

Thanks for your posts Matt. So so thrilled to read how well you are coping with the current events in your life.
I've said it once but I'll say it again, you have gone through so much emotionally and come so far in such a short space of time. Remember to look after yourself, you and your well-being are what's important.
I'm sure your little niece will help you to see all that's good in your life x