Help

Day 56. Gamble free. Relationship in tatters but my personal future looking as bright as it ever has been knowing this is it now, no more betting. I have another session with the councellor on Thursday and that cannot come soon enough.

I have a broken heart but I have not turned to gambling to hide from my pain.

Day 59. Missing my family so so much.

No bets and nor wanting to bet. This truly is rock bottom.

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Day 60 done. Still so sad but the gambling is behind me.

Appreciate the kind words they do help a lot. Life isn't great but I haven't felt any urges other than to repair my broken family.

Day 63. No bets or uges. Family life in crisis but I will stay strong.

Day 64. No urges at all. Angry with myself for it taking over my life for so long. Heart broken, bent and battered but still going.

You are doing brilliantly Matt and, whilst you may not see it now, things are slowly turning around for you.

Ultimately, no gambling, more cash, living a more fulfilling life will make you and those around you happier.

It's the laws of physics!

So keep going !

P.S. Easy to say I know, but try not to regret. Nothing we can do about that that, frankly. Wasted energies trying to, or wondering what might have been, in my view.

But today and tomorrow - that's the focus; we're in total control of that...

Thanks Mixer.

It is a tragic time but I do truly believe that my gambling days are finally gone. I miss my family so so much but If they are not coming back then I have to prove to them and myself that I see all the errors of my ways. I am determined now to be the person I should always have been.

Another day gamble free but my family gone forever. Tragic irony.

Feeling so low. Don't want to gamble but need a hug from my missus, that will now never come.

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Hi matt

Just glanced through your diary and the latter events in your life really does resinate with me of how this horrific addiction takes hold of us. My marriage broke down whilst I was in the midst of gambling craze, I hated myself what i had done to him, I betrayed him in such a way I could never go back and make it work - my behaviour shocked and disgusted me. I just could never forgive myself and he deserved better. But I believe in fate and that everything in life happens for a reason so we have to stay strong and keep moving forwards, never back, we cannot change yesterday but can change tomorrow....

Best of luck to u in your recovery

Hi Matt

I really like your quote:

'But finally I have shone that torch on the horrible demon'

Feel for you and your sense of loss. But excited that you are finally shining a light on the demon. Shining a light on your fears, the sense of shame which caused you to bottle up for such a long time.

I really think the only way to shine a light is by the truth coming out. Otherwise, we're not truly shining a light, we're keeping up a BS pretence. We're being dominated by our egos. Caged by our lies. Struggling with ourselves.

The ego takes a hit which means we can be ourselves, free ourselves.

Best

Louis

Hi All

Thank you so much for your comments, they really do help. I went to see my counscellor yesterday and I am truly understanding what started all this off and why I have led the path in life I have. I am more determined than ever before. I can finally go cold turkey because my friends and family know my problems and their support has been both incredible and overwhelmingly positive.

The only way is never having another bet. My future is murky but there is a sign for a positive road up ahead. I lost my fiancee and little girl, tragic as it is they are the reasons to continue this road to freedom from impulsive behaviour and this tortuous gambling addiction.

I have carried shame like you Barney for such a long time. To finally be free of that is an amazing and uplifting feeling. I have never been able to show my true emotions due to this demon and now I will literally cry at an advert or a little old lady crossing the street hand in hand with her husband. I found the key to freedom of this 15 year prison sentence and I am prepared now to walk through life a free man and never go back.

I REPEAT TO ALL HERE, NEVER HAVE EVEN ONE BET, YOU WILL ALWAYS EVENTUALLY LOSE.

Day 69. No gambles. Now facing up to my debts head on and finally starting life gamble free. I will become the person I should always have been before the beast arrived in my life.

Stay strong everyone