Here goes nothin :-)

hello all

well i've finally done it, i've self excluded from all the arcades in town. just got back. got the whole mixture of feelings that i expected upset, relief, grief, happy.... Its a whirlwind!

Had to take the form in in person but it was pretty quick and painless - got a bit ill before i went in, chest tightened, anxious and that sneaky bloody voice - 'do you really need to do this?' 'is it really that bad?'

YES IT BLOODY IS!!!

i cant start another year at this illnesses mercy i cannot, i will not! its slowly making me ill. when i am upset because i've lost and times even if i win i get upset because i've failed at absteining from the machines i have started to find comfort in food!!!! just what i need to get even fatter 🙂 have just devoured some chocolate sponge and custard but i'm allowing myself that one after the trauma I have just suffered!!! 🙂 (yes i am feeling a little dramatic)

am sat here typing and my sister has just come in and asked so told them i've done it. they are pleased to say the least.

i need this new year, i need this new start, some optomism. money is a real issue for me. i need to sit down work what i owe and paying it back. its an issue because i have so much i want to do - things that take money, and i cant do them if i am gambling, if i have no money. first thing is bulgaria in august for a wk - girly hol with mum sis 2 school friends and my next door neighbour. deposits are paid and have til may to finish paying. christmas next year - am buying vouchers from my friend and paying each month. this year i bought all my presents from my december wage and lost 400 on bandits. this is going to be a long skint month! a lesson learnt tho and now dealt with!

am gonna sit down later with notebook and pen and work out money and payments for the first 6 months. scary stuff but glad i know i CANNOT put my money in those bloody machines anymore 🙂

take care all, here's to day one again 🙂

Claire xxx

Hello Claire,

I was addicted to arcade gambling so I know how hard it is to ween yourself off them.

Great stuff for excluding from the arcades, am sure it will help in keeping away from the hell that is compulsive gambling.

And yes find the courage to face your debts and to deal with them. Remember that the best policy is to pay them back slowly slowly. As long as the debts are not increasing.. thats the main thing.

Your holiday can be something to focus on and to look forward to. All the best to you and your recovery.. S.A 🙂

Hi all

not long got up and i'm full o cold boo hoo!

feelin a bit no mans land, think its because i have no money so i wont see a return on my actions yesterday til i do and cant gamble.

today will have to be money day, sit down and work it all out. not a pleasant task 🙁

still its a means to an end. it'll be good and worth it at the end.

take care all

Claire xxx

Hi all

been sat here thinking (its fatal ha ha)

i am about to go upstairs to work out my money.

have spent the day dipping in and out of here and facebook and thinking, as i'm not too well i haven't got dressed 🙂

as of yesterday i have cut my ties with gambling considerabley. i can no longer go into the arcades in my town, i am not allowed to play the machines at my bingo club (yes! i still play bingo - i like it and go as often as my money allows if i cant afford it i dont go and thats the difference, if it were a fruit machine i was going to i would beg borrow and steal to ensure i got there) i have an arrangement in place after my 6 month SE that i can go play bingo but i am not to play the machines. Pubs??? i dont go out as often as i used to and i dont get as drunk as i used to - think its my age 🙂 therefore it has been quite a while (wouldn't like to guess) since i had a slip in a pub - fortunately they are not the kind of machine that i 'like' or 'know'. there are certain ones that are my 'favourites'. can you believe i have a 'favourite' of these robbing b******s!!!

anyway, all blocks in place as much as poss. i need to keep posting and reading - i often find that my slips happen when i move away from here.

going to look at the money - wish me luck 🙂

Take care all

Claire x

walk away from the bingo claire!

honestly, i think that is the best course of action.

okkies, that is a point of view from my perspective, but i found that by going to bingo it just fuelled my gambling desire.

when i walked away from all gambling, life became slightly better.

i know its a big thing to ask of yourself, but truthfully, you will feel so much better if you can just draw the line under all gambling

love

rusty

xx

Hi Claire,

I agree with Rusty on this one. For me any form of gambling simply feuls my desire to gamble more. You say you like bingo... well of course you do..otherwise you wouldnt do it. I love gambling fullstop.. but the consequnces are too awful to bare. I ultimaely reached a point where I had to say to myself enough was enough.. no gambling ment no gambling.. not so much as a lottery ticket.

Am just talking from my own experince. It maybe that you are able to separate bingo from machine gambling. I think we all reach are own decisions through our own lived experince. All the best.. S.A

Hello all

well worked out the finances and its gonna be a tight year but thems are the breaks.

feel better for facing up to it. have a book with it all written in and wrote a few thoughts down in the back - about now and the future.

New years day tomo - new year new start.

I need this! I want this!

No big plans for tonight - sister me and a friend havin a pj party with games drinks and food. should be nice.

take care all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Claire xxx

Hi Claire

Hope the New Year is kind to you, but above all be kind to yourself. Keep posting and reading.

Take care

Steve E

Thanks Steve and you x

Hi all

well here it is 2009. the new year is upon us.

cant say i feel any different ha ha.

it does feel nice to be able to have a point where i can draw a line. 2008 was not a kind year so it is nice to be shot of it.

still feeling focussed and want to beat this thing (again). find myself saying the same things each time i start back on here. at least i'm here, thank goodness i'm here. it was 20th december last time i gambled so i've a few gamble free days under my belt 🙂

Take care all

Claire xx

Hi Claire

If you keep messing up the way you are trying, why don't you change something. Not sure what but you must be able to pin point why it is you get the urge and follow it through. Keep posting and it'll get easier the more time between you put between the now and your last gamble.

Take care

Steve E

Hi all

just thought i'd come in for a look. have been out for breakfast/lunch with a friend and a little walk into town. Was a pleasant saturday morning. Enjoyed chilling out. No thoughts of gambling, although I can think about it all i like there's nothing i can do about it 🙂

Still sorting through my financial plan putting everything into place, phoning on outstanding bills and arranging payments. Feel calm today, quite laid back although i should probably get some paper work done for school on wednesday.

Take care all and COME ON BARROW!!!! (our football team have a big game today 🙂

Claire xxx

Hi Claire

I used to be a school teacher and resigned because I thought I didn't like the work/job/profession. However, I have now realised it got in the way of gambling. As you know it takes up an immense amount of time to teach properly and I couldn't do it. I am seriously considering returning but not for a while as I need to lay the foundations in my recovery first.

Take care

Steve E

Hi all

am back again and with no slip 🙂 bloody internet broke. anyway sorted now. am battling with money issues at the moment and having awful dreams. not gambling dreams, stress dreams.

getting things put in place slowly but surely, making calls and sorting, feeling optomistic but cant sleep and when i do i dream alot! never mind suppose when i've had a month or two of plain sailing with money and things have calmed down i will!

Take care all

Claire xx

Hi all

Cant believe its been nearly a year since I posted. Where has the time gone? A real mix bag of emotions - new year and all. Clearly I have something on my mind as my mind and fingers have navigated me here. Will post more when I know what I want to say................

Take care all

Claire x x