Here goes nothin :-)

Hi all

Have been reading diaries. Still not sure what i'm here to say. I'm still in financial mess from my years of gambling but chipping away at slowly. another new year another financial plan to continue to clear the mess. getting nearer the light at the end of the tunnel tho. gambling thoughts still never far away. some people they seem to leave after time i never seem to be free of them. Because of this i have blocks in place rather than relying on willpower alone. that just doesn't work. a happy note that i have just realised - it has been one year today since i self excluded from the amusements in the town i live in. 1 whole year - wonderful!!!!!!

Take care all

Claire x

Hi all

Well another stumble along the path of recovery. £300 of a stumble to be exact last saturday. totally peed off wi myself but waited til now to post just needed to gain some perspective again. 1 slip as compares with how many days gamble free. Peg once sid to me in an earlier post - i have still have those gamble free days they're still mine, they're not nul and void. No one can take that away. Like to think that. Have self excluded from where i need to (as this had run out - only seem to do six months) and I have just got myself a small part time job on top of my full time one. something i'll enjoy doing tho, nice easy work. rearrange the financial plan to incorporate the money i lost last weekend and back on the wagon i climb so to speak. Take care all, Claire x x

Hi Claire

I have to agree with what Peg said to you.

Them gamblefree days have given you plenty of experince.Ive seen people on here write you cant change what has happened let it go. That is true but nothing changes about the time you havent gambled neither.They are real days that you managed to get by without gambling.Throw yourself into your work Claire it will help and remember you work hard and long for your money .Its yours so keep it.Stay strong Jeff.

Hi Claire,

Jeff is totally right, those days aren't undone, they are just a reminder that you have beaten this before and can do so again.

Everyone makes mistakes Claire, thats why they make pencils with rubbers on the end 🙂 so don't beat yourself up over this temporary slip. You can do it hun!!!

Stay Strong

Steve

P.s I think i'm breaking some sort of record here, but I would just like to thank you for your post way back in May 2007 to me, it was the start of my recovery and was much appreciated.

Hi all

thanks steve and jeff for your posts, really appreciate your thoughts. I talked to a friend last night about someone she knows whos an alcoholic. she was saying how he had done well but that it was always hanging over him. I told her its the same with any addiction, you're never not an alcoholic, you're an alcoholic in recovery. always knew this was the case for me too with my gambling but to say it out loud i realised, i'll never be free from this just recovering and living day to day. it scares me slightly, i would like to be 'better'. wish there was a pill. gamble free days are better than gambling days, need to aim for plenty of them. one day at a time. am rambling because i'm tired. take care all.

Claire x

Hi all

just a check in really, busy day with work today and stayed in and playd cards with my family tonight. a good day for not gambling - good and busy. Sometimes feel like my job takes over my life but when i've had a slip I always find it helps to keep busy and always have a plan in the early stages after. It makes me feel secure/safe. tomorrow another busy day - be there til at least 5pm from 8am. not sure about the evening - shameless will be a must 🙂

take care all

Claire x

Hi all

How am I here again! Have had the worst nights sleep, and been awake from what little sleep i got since 7am which is unheard of. Feel so sick. Am seeing them and hearing the noises and tunes, dreaming about them. I remember this from last time, had forgotten how awful it is. I think I have gambled every day this week. How do I always manage to find a way to do it. Internet this time, have not bothered before but when someone you know tells you they've won £2000 on this slot machine on this site I was like a moth to a flame. Needless to say I lost, £600 to be exact - that we can ill afford, that I cant replace. Not told yet, hence then panic and upset, cant bear to see their faces crumple when I say it. Want to lie but know thats not the way round it. Have relevant blocks in place with regards to real gambling in my local area - bingo, amusements etc. Now I need to look into gamblock. I have to have all these blocks in place, i have no control - and i never lose my urges, i hate that! I read on here people say 'no gambling thoughts' it can be 6 months for me and i still get the thoughts and urges - its positively depressing.

TO DO LIST:-

*give sister lock up tin with bank cards and cash in

*buy gamblock for my laptop

*tell truth about £600 (ouch)

*admit its bad again to family to ensure I am not trusted with money, cheque books, cards etc

think i need to look into counselling in my local area - know there is someone, wish we had a GA meet here, my nearest one is about 2 hours away.

Gonna have to go get ready for work, Take care all, Claire x x

Hi Claire,

Try betfilter.com I think its better if only because its got an a live advice helpline to sort out any issues. The sooner you put it on the sooner you can protect yourself from online gambling.

My betfilter licence ran out this weekend and before I renewed it I felt urges to gamble. It maybe that urges to gamble will never fully go away and you/I just have to learn to manage them as best we can. Block your computer today.. anything is better than emptying your bank account into a virtual world. All the best S.A

I am in a complete state of bewilderment. How can it have come to this again. Am so tired of this life I lead. It wears me out. I know my life is much better and relaxed when free from gambling. Feel like I'm sinking. Want to stop. Have to stop!

Here I am again. Starting over. Financial plan in place to pay back the money I owe out. First counselling session booked for friday. Gamblock loaded onto the computer. Feeling nervous, scared, ill all the usual. One day at a time.......I cannot win because I cannot stop......

Claire x

Here I am again. Starting over. Financial plan in place to pay back the money I owe out. First counselling session booked for friday. Gamblock loaded onto the computer. Feeling nervous, scared, ill all the usual. One day at a time.......I cannot win because I cannot stop......

Claire x

today I did not gamble 🙂 x

Hi...

..your doing what you need to do to help yourself stop. day at a time. keep safe.. S.A 🙂

Thanks SA. Doing all I can as we all are.

Today I did not gamble 🙂 x

First counselling session tomorrow. Feeling a little weird about it. Not sure why. Think I'm a little apprehensive, I want it to go well. Fingers crossed.

Today I did not gamble 🙂

Claire x