Here goes nothin :-)

Hi all

Am feeling a little fragile. A lot of personal trials and tribulations i'm dealing with at the mo. Very busy with work at the mo and with that comes sress!!! Busy good stress not! Not seen my counsellor this week, just couldnt fit it in - not happy about that. Yet again, school taking over MY life. Thank god i'm going part time this coming year. Need some me time, need to look after me, take care of me. Seeing my counsellor on Wednesday. Glad about that. Roll on Thursday when we break up for Summer 🙂

Take care all

Claire x

Hi Claire,

Sounds like going part-time will help to find some balance in life. I reduced my hours a year or so ago and despite some initial anxieties around money am glad i did so. I feel better for it. If I was gambling i wouldnt have been able to afford to do so. Onwards and upwards.. S.A

hi all

still here, still doing all i can. my bloody gamblock has broke, its not working. have not yet give in and dont want to. give me strength...............please lord.

claire x

Hi Claire,

With the summer hols approaching I'm sure you will be able to re arrange your priorities and gain that much wanted me time 😉 Hang on in there.

Not sure if you are aware but you are giving out 'gambling warning' signs... don't give them demons a chance girl... If you cant sort Gamblock out, how about installing Betfilter? Today?

A lot of peeps here use that now and I believe its free(?) and works a treat!

Get sorted Claire... then enjoy your well earned summer break with peace of mind from gambling. Good to hear from you x

Jackie

Hi Claire,

Hope you are ok? Try Betfilter......I use it. I think there is a week or 2 week free trial and then I paid £70 for 2 years protection.

Those urges are horrid but they can only do any damage if we choose to act on them.

Stay strong.

Jas x

Hi all

Thanks jac and jas for your posts, really appreciate your support. Gamblock is fixed now thank goodness. Betfilter was great for the free trial but when i tried to but it it didnt like my card type? Dont know. Sorted now anyway and no slip so its all good. Bought myself 2 new tops to celebrate. Been going to therapy and thats going really well too. Beginning to understand me a little bit more, engage with me a little more. Going to go for a meal with mum and friend now.

Take care all

Claire x

Hi all

Went for counselling session yesterday. God its damned hard work. I'm glad i'm doing it but I feel drained afterwards. It leaves me thinking alot. Think its definately doing me good like I said - i'm aready seeing things in myself and calling myself on it, thinking carefully about my actions and decisions I make. Cant think about much more at the moment.

Take care all

Claire x

Hi all

Just a check in really. Counselling still going well but hard, i think i've spent a lot of my life blaming circumstances and events for the way I am. What i'm realising is I make excuses and allow alot of things to happen. I have no control and do not take control. I need to regain it and gambling it would seem is just a small part of this trait in me. Relationships, work etc all just the same. No control, no boundaries. I'm hoping now i've established this understanding of myself I am may be able to work on it. Fingers crossed,

Take care all

Claire x

Hi all

Its been a long time since I posted. Unfortunately I have had a slip on the road of recovery. Feeling very sad and low. Worrying alot. But I am optimistic. My life has changed so much. I have just realised looking at my last post that the friday before that post I met my lovely man. We're still together and engaged living in our own house. I've taken the slip badly because its not just me it affects anymore there are two of us. He is amazing - so supportive. So the recovery starts again. Protect myself at all cost, change the things in my life that make me feel so awful that I feel gambling is the answer (where possible) and use all my resources to aid all this - friends family self exclusion etc. I need to do this - I want to do this. I want to be better again. Will be back posting regularly and am off to do some reading of other peoples diaries.

Take care all

Claire xx

Hi Claire

Welcome back, what's done is done and we cannot change it. The future is yours to work with and make it what you want. Really pleased you have found happiness with your partner. Remember that none of us are perfect although we strive for it. Take it easy and enjoy your day for what it is. If I remember correctly you are a teacher so happy holidays are here!! Take care

Hi all

First day of Easter holidays. Not quite sure why this has happened. Life is changing very quickly. Feel off balance with it all. Could cry. Partner just got in from work, trying to pretend I'm ok. How can I still be dong this? Making this mess in my life? I'm 19 weeks pregnant and even that doesn't seem to stop me!?

Need to go now.

Take care all,

Claire 🙂

Hi Claire

Never give up giving up. Take a deep breathe and speak to someone you really trust. it is an illness/disease that holds no bars. No one is immune from this. I, too, was a school teacher amongst other professions and had to give it up because my mind would not settle on anything apart from next bet. Don't be ashamed of this just get it out in the open. You and your family to be deserve better and you can do it.

Take care

Thanks smiler. Spoke to my sister, she's been with me through thick and thin. Well I haven't gambled today and I know how important that is. My next task is to deal with the financial loss from yesterday. Big job.

Take care all,

Claire x

Hi Claire.. like you say, when we really want to gamble we will gamble regardless of the consequences. You will get through your current financial crisis as we all tend to do.. the real challenge is staying stopped from the gambling. Maybe when your mind settles a little.. just read your own diary. Like me you have been here for several years.. remind yourself what happens when you gamble. The result is always financial drain and personal misery.. onwards, gambling free.. S.A

Thanks S.A. Today I haven't gamble, that is a good thing. I have so much to not gamble for, so many beta things to do with my money that give me great satisfaction and happiness. Think I have lost sight a little over the last few months.

Here's to gaining perspective 🙂

Claire x