Hi all
I have been gambling on and off for years, i dont think sometimes i do it to win money i do it as a escape from reality and get some comfort in it because when i gamble i feel worthless and i guess thats what i sometimes feel iam and that it is all i am worth.
I am 37 now in a okayish job have a amazing girlfriend, but over the years i have felt like i am rubbish because of gambling and other factors, i have become a better person over the last couple of years, but today after spending days in pain because of toothache, feeling anxious and wanting to avoid a tooth extraction in the next few days and added with lack of sleep and other worries my self destructive nature took hold and i just blew my rent money in the betting shop, i still luckily have cash at home for food and travel for the month, and its really weird i feel quite anxious about my situation but i am not freaking out or feeling that i cant get out of this mess. I feel oddly calm, anyway i have given my girlfriend all the cash i had that way she can do the shopping when she needs to and i will ask her for cash when i need to top up my travel pass, i have not told her about the gambling because she has enough things of her own to think about , work,study etc, so here i sit rain pouring outside, iam in pain tired and finally broken i am ready to throw in the towel and say " well gambling i cant ever win when we our in each others company, but i can win at making sure our paths dont cross again". And by that i mean self exclussion online and in shops dont carry card or cash unless i am going to need them for shopping, day out etc. Iam not sure how iam going to get past the rent issue but iam resourcefull, kind,funny,book clever, and those things gambling has not taken away.
Tomorrow is another day a chance of a new start and a chance of redemption.
Hi my name is Jane
I have also been gambling on and off for a number of years, But recently I have come into some money from a relative who passed away 7 months ago, I gamble to escape reality and for the buzz I can get lost on online slots and scratch cards for hours and hours and forget about the world in the last 3 months I have gambled over 20 thousand pound I'm disgusted with myself but if I had more money I would still gamble I am now overdrawn and broke and I have a lovely boyfriend and 2 children I could of had holidays, brought a car, done up my house, put money into savings or anything. I have no body to talk to I'm too ashamed to tell anyone what I have done in the last 3 months or in the last 5 months for that matter, my downfall is any form of online gambling and as I have internet on my phone I've always got access, I don't know what to do, where to go from here I really had enough now I'm miserable I don't like going out I'm a shell of my former self. I'm going to take one step at a time but any advice? Anyone?
Oh jane I feel excatly same I started years ago playing bingo with my mum never touched machines etc then couple years ago started machines ... Online bingo ... Online slots then November last year bookies machines iv lost thousands upon thousands I owe thousands out none of my family n friends know ppl just think I pop in to bookies to do my Irish lottery I spend every penny come home n cry n wonder why why why n then following month I do excatly the same I'm so ashamed of myself I cud give my children a relatively good life but I spend all our money on machines I just want this to stop I want to be able to walk past bookies
Welcome to recovery everyone 🙂
Stories that we all know so well...We cannot win because we cannot stop!
It is vital to get your Time-Money-Location triangles broken, removing one prevents gambling but I'm fast understanding that gambling is rarely about money! You would all do well to share this evil with someone that you trust, get yourselves some counselling through Gamcare & Susan/Jane set yourselves up on the Recovery Diary section so you can support each other on this rollercoaster journey that is recovery!
I look forward to seeing you all progressing - ODAAT
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