Hi tara
You will be so surprised how quickly it comes around. Try and fill your time the best you can.
All the best!!
534 days!
Got an email today off an old account offereing me a free bonus to play again. Logged into the account rejected the feee bet and closed the account via online chat.
God it feels good to be in control again!
Holiday next week- only on the east coast but our first one as a family for quite some time. Life is good again.
Peace to all fighting the good fight.
555 days
Feeling good- had a holiday last week. Well i say holiday- it doesnt feel like a holiday sometimes with kids. Spent a fortune so very skint until the end of the month- must be mindful not to try and make any money elsewhere etc etc
Not had any urges- football season finished now aswell so should be abit easier.
My credit rating has gone up also it says i am now well above average for the UK- just another little sign that things are fixing.
Next milestone- 600 days.
Peace
Well done on 555 days and glad things are looking good for you
Logged on today- 610 days!!
No urges at all anymore not even with the world cup- got our first family holiday abroard next month so busy trying to save for that. Another 11 pay days and i will have cleared 75 grand of debt.
Another 44 weeks and i will stop having to log onto my internet banking for accounts, credit cards and loans every couple of days to make sure the numbers are where they should be- i think its an obsession.
No more watching money every single day and paying the weekly visit to the copper bank at asda.
No more sleeping in my car when i havent got enough fuel to drive to work and back every day.
No more saying no to my kids when they want something as trivial as a magazine from the shop.
No more missing weddings, leaving dos and stag dos.
No more wearing tatty scruffy clothes.
No more having to hope someone has left shower gel in the showers at work.
No more fixing my old tired car at the side of the road.
No more excrutiating envy of all my family and friends who live the lives i should be living.
No more pain, guilt and shame that my stunning wife has paid this price with me just for saying "i do".
No more gambling and all the misery and heartache it has brought.
It all still feels like a dream!
I will make it up to each and every person i have dragged along this punishing ride with me.
Your story/diary really hit home with me you have been up down up down and all around on your journey but you have stayed strong after every fall, got up every time and always determined to not let this addiction control your life. To read that you are on 610 days GF oh my goodness that is more than amazing, I hope you are so very proud of yourself!
I am only on day 30 which could of been day 76 If I hadn't slipped, my poison was bingo sites and the roulette on them. After my slip up I excluded from all those sites, felt like I was so stupid to have not done that from the beginning and think I could be in control o_O
Colt11 wrote: No more fixing my old tired car at the side of the road.
Right with you on that one. I had a slow puncture in my tyre for ages because I couldn't afford a new one as I had I gambled the money away, would be pumping it up manually with a foot pump at random places, but just 30 days without gambling means I have the money to get it sorted.
Colt11 wrote: No more wearing tatty scruffy clothes.
I have bought myself a new pair of shorts, a few new tops and some makeup, also splashed out on my boys with the odd mcdonalds of kfc here and there, never would have been able to do that while gambling, silly little things make you really appreciate the value of money which I never did while gambling had control of my life.
Colt11 wrote: No more pain, guilt and shame that my stunning wife has paid this price with me just for saying "i do".
My husband has paid the price with me too, put up with my ever changing moods while gambling, being there when I have been crying my eyes out everytime, saying I will sort myself out and apologising over and over, at one point he gave me an option that scared the life out of me, really made me see how much he was hurting too. He loved me but wasn't going to carry on letting my addiction ruin ours and our boys lives, so told me to make the choice. Hit me like a tonne of bricks, true realisation of the fact it wasn't just myself I was destroying and I had to make a choice after all these years, gambling or my loved ones.
Just before I found this forum I felt my only friend was gambling but now I realise it's an illness not a friend I was feeling my family would be better off without me, this forum and the people here are amazing and I am thankful for that every day.
Glad to hear you are loving life just as you and your loved ones deserve.
Thank you so much for sharing your story you have inspired me as I'm sure you have many others too.
Keep on riding on 🙂
Best wishes, angel x
Hi Angel
Thanks for your message, one of the best things about this forum is what your message brings home and that is that you are never in this alone- loads of people are going through exactly the same thing and have similar circumstances.
You talk about the little things and thats exactly what has helped me in this journey, me and the kids do things that dont cost alot but resilience and creativity make them just as fun. For example we take road trips to find different parks and playgrounds etc and then rate them out of 10- we actually have a chart. Conker picking is a must and spending hours on a sunday drawing or trying to do every one of "Mr Makers" challengers on Cbeebies. One day i may get to the point where i can look back and actually take positives of the last 5 years. I will appreciate money more- appreciate time with my kids more and always be proud of beating the addiction.
I hope you are doing well i really do.
Thanks again
617 days
My final hurdle was to get rid of my last bit of "bad debt" a credit card that was coming to the end of the 0% period at the end of the year. Got rid of tht today. The rest of my debt is now interest free and its just a waiting game now waiting for next summer when it will all be gone.
Winning!
Winning indeed,
What a ride and what an inspiration this board is. Glad to read of this latest milestone event, keep plowing on, you deserve it.
All the best.
sjw
Thanks for that pal!
Hope all is well with you and your recovery
621 days
Had a near escape today- my father in law rang me up whilst i was in town to see if i wouldnt mind putting a bet on the golf for him- only a fiver.
But i cant walk into a bookies i thought, sat in my car for ages thinking of excuses why i couldnt place it, eventually gave up. Took a fiver out of my wallet and left my wallet in the car- I made sure the 5 pound was all i had in my possesion and walked into the bookies, straight past the FOBTs- i had primed my brain before i went in thinking of the days of misery when i would be stood at one of those gambling my sons birthday away, this was keeping my willpower strong. Made it to the desk- "mate i want to put an each way bet on the golf" The guy looked back and said "sure the sheets for the golf are over there" "No" i said "can you place it for me" I just wanted the fiver out of my hand as quickly as possible. He wrote the selection down for me and scanned it. I pretty much ran out of there. Got back to my car with all the thoughts and emotions running through my head. What if the bet comes in?? And he wants me to pick up the winnings. What if it comes in and im gutted that i havent backed it?? I noticed £2.50 in the spare change compartment of my car, you know the one that you use for parking etc.
I grabbed it and got out of my car, intending to go back to the shop. My heart was racing. half way up the precinct my phone binged. I had a text off my wife. She text a long message saying how happy she was and that the boys school reports were superb and how much she loved our little family.
I gave my head a shake had a little tear in my eye and walked into the newsagents and bought my kids some sweets instead.
First time in nearly 2 years i have felt weak. Must be stronger
Day 624
Been doing alot of thinking today. A lad i used to work with committed suicide recently and 2 other lads have come to me with depression type worrys and symptoms. One lad said he'd felt like it for a while but never understood the symptoms so never seeked help.
After he had left i sat staring at the ceiling thinking about what happened to me back in 2013 when my gambling really took hold. My first son had just come along i was moved to another location with work where i was alot more stressed and strung out- couple that with all the changes i had to make as part of becoming a dad such as reduced social life and quitting football and gym etc.
The more i think about it the more i feel i could have been going through a form of depression and anxiety which led me to gamble just for some sort of adrenaline rush, something i was subconciously craving. I could be one of these these people who develop depression but never realise and dont deal with it.
I had absolutely no issue with gambleing until the summer of 2013 when my life massively changed. Surely cant be a coincedence.
633 days
Told a few of my family members at the weekend- dont know why, i just blurted it out whilst having a conversation. They thought i was joking just because i seem at face value to be the last person to fall into this trap. But i did, and sadly im still in it. I always expected everyone to find out one day- even my kids but i must admit i do feel uneasy about too many people knowing just yet and i dont really know why.
So many strange feelings on this recovery journey i just hope one day i will be organised enough in my head to make complete sense of it all.
661 days now.
Im now at the stage where im not even thinking about it anymore- i can walk past bookmakers all the time, see adverts on the tv watch my mates put bets on and it just doesnt bother me anymore, i dont check this site every day and i am back to doing all the things i loved 4 years ago before this took hold.
I have one big push now to next June when the debt will also be gone.
Winning -
Nah not anymore! verging on WON
Good to see someone in recovery well done, i too had 2-3 years before i got complacent and went back to the madness, and this addiction like alcoholism (im also alcoholic great combo eh!) is progressive and only gets worse NEVER better.
Just reading a bit about your story at becoming a dad and struggling, MATE you are not alone, the exact same thing happened to me when my son came along 7 yrs ago , i was petrified sick, anxious and i bottled it all up , bottled it being appropiate my drinking and gambling took off big style instead of talking and sharing about how i feeled i did what came natural to me, drink to escape and gamble to escape further. Then I was faced with Debt , poor physical and mental health, guilt shame remorse the whole shambang, and the emotions were still there we eventually have to face up to them ,
Maybe whats happened to our lives has happened for reason, do you have a higher power in your life.? ANyway all the best on your journey of recovery!
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