Hope

Hi SA

Thanks for the post mate, i had tea and about 10 f**s for brekies lol, just thought i'd tell you that....Hope you are ok and have a good gamble free day, which im about 99.9999999999% sure you will....i will too!!!

Anyway hope you are not in to much pain with your leg and thanks again for all your support...

Take care SA, ands

Thanks all for dropping in and yes Ands am having a good day. I feel all chilled out for no particular reason.. am enjoying the moment.

No urges or thoughts of gambling... S.A 🙂

Wow...Surely an inspiration to us all?

Id like to think maybe I can still be here like you in a few years but like your famous words...We can only take it one day at a time!

Just a quick question...Ive been here a few times before and think I need a little bit more help...Ive thought of GA before and actually made it to the front door once before but I bottled out...Has it been of help to you and Im not naturally a good speaker in front of a group...I tend to clam up and stutter...Do you have to speak out or can you be more of a listener until I feel more comfortable?

Hi S.A.

Thanks for your earlier post on my diary. Every little bit of encouragement helps, and I felt a real boost when I read you reply. Have been reading through your last few posts. Well done on passing your "test" on Sunday. Great news that you were able to not act on the demons.

Hope you have remained chilled today and the leg isn't playing up too much.

Hope to catch up in chat soon.

M

Thanks for dropping in gents.. appreciated as always. Well I think the only positive thing from my last 12 hours is no gambling and thats always a positive thing of course. 523 days since my last bet to be precise.

Anyway last night I got drunk and had a cr** night and wasted a bunch of money on other escapist stuff and my leg was killing me just from standing in a club wriggling around to music.

O well there we go I regret it all but I cant dwell on it... it doesnt help... I forgive myself... I aint perfect. today i will be monging around. Today I feel fed up but today I will not gamble... I do need to find some sort of forward momentum in life though.. am adrift without a paddle at the moment... atleast thats how it feels. I guess this is hangover talking or maybe not... S.A

P.s.... nothing

Evening SA,

How's the head ?... she types quietly! lol

Hope that you arent feeling too bad by now & your leg has survived all that wriggling around.... you sure that I havent seen you on You Tube?

Anyway... about the adrift without a paddle stuff... you have your safety line firmly attached here. When you are ready you will find that direction again. In the meantime, just enjoy the view around you... its definately better than when you first set sail.

Jackie

Hi Jac,

Thanks for your post. I see much wisdom in your thoughts. You are right my safety line is firmly attached here. When i try to cut the line it simply re-attaches itself.

I think a certain amount of cross-polination beteen the forums is a good thing. Those affected have much to offer the gambler and vice versa. I have started to write in the supporting a gambler section from time to time. I hope it helps... it certainly helps me to reflect upon my own situation. I wonder how Ostrich is getting on?

Like you say I will "enjoy the view around me". Unsurprisingly I am feeling in a better place than I did yesterday. Alcohol has a profound effect upon me. I don't know how many times I have said this in my diary lol

Am trying to change my reaction though. Its totally unrealistic to say that i will never drink again. My aim is that it is an occasional thing in moderation. I will try to keep in touch with how i am feeling before i have a drink and do the sensible thing of limiting the amount of money i have access to when going for a drink.

Thanks again for your thoughts... I am looking at the view with my head held high. Another day has dawned gambling free... S.A 🙂

Morning SA,

Pleased to hear you in fine form today. Try not to beat yourself up for the odd night out on the sauce. Unfortunately for you, me and many others alcohol is a major depressant the day after the night before, but as long as it doesn't become too regular, I think you'll be ok.

Played golf with a friend yesterday who also runs a lot and he was hobbling round the course with achilles issues. Doesn't stop him going running 3/4 times a week. Thought of you and hoped you were having a good weekend.

Take care,

DT.

Hi again SA,

Thanks for your post and it was certainly food for thought. I have thought about a time in the future when I may gamble in a 'controlled' fashion. But at the moment, those thoughts are not a reality for me. Walked past a bookies yesterday and was a bit tipsy at the time, but the thought of going in just seemed plain wrong. I realise I may be playing with fire in the future, but I'm not ruling anything in or out at the moment.

As for the GA attitude towards being powerless over gambling and admitting defeat against it. I do not believe this to be true. My understanding is that problem gambling is caused my emotional issues in almost all cases. GA does not even recognise this as far as I am aware. My hope is to work hard on those issues and then see what the future holds.

As always this is only my opinion, I don't think there is any right or wrong in all this, whatevere works for each individual is good enough for me. I know that GA helps so many people and that makes me happy. The fact that I disagree with the methods / philosophy for my own situation is purely personal choice.

Please feel free to post on my diary whenever you like, I always welcome your insight. The more time we take to understand this addiction, the reasons for it and the potential personal solutions to it, the more chance we have of a better life.

Thanks for your thoughts,

DT.

Hi D.t... I totally relate to where you are coming from and actually are opinions are not that far apart.

My opinion with gambling addiction is that it is all emotional in nature for everyone whether they admit it or not. Gambling being a reaction to how one feels about oneself. Am not saying that all compulsive gamblers have low self-esteem (like me)because they don't but in my opinion all compulsive gamblers have personality traits and character defects and emotional reactions with the end result being compulsive gambling.

Logically speaking if it was all about pure enjoyment or making money then one would stop when the consequnces started to become negative ie losing money.

Now there is also a certain logic in that if one works on ones character defects on ones emotional problems ( call it what you will) then the day will come when the compulsion to gamble compulsively just won't be there anymore.. one will be fixed.. one will be able to gamble in a controlled way and life will be good.

Personally I would o so love this to be true but i would ask this... How does one know when this day has come?? How would I know when i have fixed myself enough that controlled gambling is possibilty?? Is it possible to cross that line back into controlled gambling?? Why would I want to take the risk??.. and to be honest I don't especially have any answers to these questions. I am not a Ga man through and through... but i am open to what i hear at Ga meetings and on this forum.

On a personal level I don't think I have fixed my emotional problems enough. And actually for me i have evidence for this. Because before I came to this forum I had not gambled for 3 years but when i did gamble again it was same as it was before... exactly the same. The excitment at the anticipation of gambling, the whole euphoria of being in action, the highs the lows, the chassing and the eventual despondency when I had finally run out of money and was forced to stop. I have no reason to tink that it wouldnt be exactly the same again another 18 months down the road.

Am not sure i necessarilly agree with the illness philosophy of Ga because with self-awareness i have choice. I am not ill and incapable of reasoned choice. But my emotional problems have built up over a life time and its been a slow process of healing for me and no doubt will continue to be so. I certainly don't think that i will have healed myself enough to take any risks any time soon.. if that ever happens. It remains very much a day at a time for me.

Like you D.t I continue to explore my thoughts on these issues and to keep re-visting stuff.. cos what i do know is that I forget all to easy... if I stop taking a look a myself I start to forget and when I forget the sleeping slot machine in the corner starts winking at me. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Thought provoking and interesting to read. That post has really brought home to me how early on I am in my own recovery journey. I am going to make an effort to be more open-minded about GA and the work it does to help so many people. Having read so much about all aspects of recovery recently, I think the negative things I have read have affected my opinion about the methodology they use.

Once again, thanks for your insight and good luck on your continued journey,

Take care,

DT.

Hi D.t.. well am not especially sure how far down the road of recovery I am either.. talk or in my case type is easy.. putting my self-awareness into practice is quite another thing. And in any case its not the distance to our last bet that matters its the distance to the next.. and that remains constant. I am trying to be open and to learn from all who i come across whether they are gambling or not.

Good day today. I went back to the docs with my assertive hat on. As it turns out the doc i saw was great. i'd written my symptoms down in case i got tongue tied. I now have a possible diagnoosis and referral onto physio and stronger anti-inflamatory pain killers. Probably tendonitis with possible underlying stress fracture. Am happy that the ball has started to roll (in a non-gambling way) ... treatment is off the ground.

Work was fine today.. feeling positive.. regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi S.A.

Very interesting and thought provoking few posts between you and DT.

.....illness philosophy of G.A., because with selfawareness I have a choice. I am not ill and incapable of reasoned choices...

When I was gambling I was ill for I couldn't make reasoned choices. The only thing I could do was go and gamble some more. No choice there, I just had to do it. A bit like smoking, I knew it wasn't good for me but I had to do it (thank God, I don't have to do that anymore either)

Addiction is a recognised illness and gambling is an addiction.

The selfawareness only came after I stopped gambling and attended G.A. meetings, listened to others and learned to become openminded. It is an emotional illness. I used it to run from all my emotions whatever they were. It was far easier to go and gamble then to sit and talk painful stuff with another human being.

G.A. teaches me daily how to do emotions, how to live with them without running away.

There...my two pennies worth...love you guys..

God Bless

Charly xx

Hi S.A,

just popping in for a catch up, glad to see you have treatment underway for the leg, gonna catch up a little more when i have the time, i have had a little break from reading and posting, just trying to keep a little busier in 'life' think it is what i need right now.

regards as always.

green x

Thanks for your thoughts Charly and Green. In essence I agree with you Charly... gambling addiction in its severest form is an illness in my opinion and when I was at my worst I had become ill and escaped into oblivion with my gambling.. I no longer cared.

Though looking back I new why i was gambling. I felt like cr** and gambling took the edge off. I also wanted more money. I do find it hard to belief when anyone says they don't know why they gamble.. even if it is just wanting more money and the sheer enjoyment of it.

Though I still do try to question some of the things I read in the Ga literature and some of the things I hear at Ga meetings. Alot of the literature is very dated and written by the middle aged male action gambler. In my mind it needs updating. I am mindful of becoming a talking leaflet where Ga is concerned. Anyway thats enough of that. I guess am a bit grippy this morning.

No thoughts or urges to gambling.. my flat needs a good tidy and clean.. I need to get the mop of hair on my head cut and do some food shopping.. thats the plan anyway. Regards to all.. S.A 🙂