i absolutely love..... ....not gambling

Thanks Dan. No downer on my diary. I would much rather you be honest. You think I am too sure I know but I can only be honest. People respond differently and that is why sites like this are so important to our continuing recovery. I asked for your thoughts and you gave them. Anyway great work mate. Have a great Christmas. IanB.

Really well done Dan. 1 year is a great milestone. i am so pleased for you when i read your last post in my diary i could not help but smile.

Have a brilliant Christmas and New Year.

AndrewDP

Hi

Excellent work dude, sorry I could not post earlier my compter was down.

What an achievement, well done, now your recovery is in year 2 - sounds good doesn't.

Shaun

wow, just had a re-read through all the 'congratulations' posts I've had over the last week, think its 25, please forgive me for not replying or listing everyone individually but I am extremely grateful for the positive support,

What I would really like now, is for all 25 of those posters to join together, with me and get from now into 2012 without a gamble.

I have said many times that I am one of those fortunate individuals who has been fully supported by my wife over the last year, not that she understands what I have done and she certainly doesn't give me an easy time for it.

So I have shared my news with her this week, we have talked again about my gambling, which has helped keep all this real - I'm not playing an online diary game, this is my real life, I really do still have a mountain of debt to repay, which as always is taking longer than planned to repay - why is that? I worked it out with the interest repayments and everything, alright sometimes I waste money, mainly on the type and amount of food I buy but generally I don't have many treats, make the payments and it just takes forever

Which brings me onto my main point, I have booked a surprise trip for early next year, only for three nights, as a surprise for my wife, I have arranged for her best friend and the best friends OH to stay in the same hotel, brought tickets to a show the wife has wanted to see for ages, good seats, arranged the train tickets etc and within two days my wife, bless her, rumbles the surprise... queue mass discussion about how nice the surprise is but also how we can't afford it, she wont be able to sleep for worry etc etc.

So what I was chuffed with has turned into bit of a disaster, she really wants to go, yet I know she is now really worried about finances, I want to go, I know she would love it and get to spend some much needed time with her friend, who we dont see often and we arent doing christmas presents to each other, nor birthday presents. We both regulalry work 50+ hour weeks (both paid for less sadly!) so I feel we need a small reward,

My own biggest concern, and thankfully I have now shared this with my wife, is this used to be an absolute 'trigger for me to gamble. I would use my worry as an excuse to gamble - I'll win enough to cover the trip,

So I should be pleased that I am recognising the trigger point, I haven't gambled, but after such a great week I am hurting by my internal thoughts turning immediately to 'I'm gonna need to gamble, I need to win some extra money'

I even thought about exactly what I would do. This addiction is bloomin hard work but I am up for the challenge, I will continue to choose not to gamble, when all is said and done, I have been able to book this trip - which I couldn't have done when paying back 7 gambling-induced payday loans

If anyone has managed to read through this epic waffle, then I salute you! 🙂

Great post Dan, I'll certainly join you for a gamble free 2012. Sometimes there's more to life than just money. At the end of the day, why are you working? You and your wife deserve this break. You should embrace it and give yourself a BREAK. These sort of trips are great for moral and for your relationship with your wife. Show her this post and I DEMAND that she goes and enjoys it. She and you deserve it. Russ

haha, I'll let you know what she says when I show her the post! 🙂

2 nights... we can go for 2 nights! - Thanks Russ 🙂

Hi dan

Thankyou for the support.

As for your wife being worried its understandable but if you dont treat yourselfs every now and again whats the point.

Also if its all booked and you cancel... more money lost i think its a terrific idea and im sure once your wife sees her friend all worry will disappear.

Its been a year for you now and i have no doubt a tough one for you and your wife a little treat is in order for you both worry about finances when you get back.

Stay Strong.x

ps i had a great nights sleep.

You know what Dan?

I used to get into this money-related spiral of despair. It went something like this:

I really want that pair of shoes, I love them - I can't afford them though, not after I blew so much money gambling - feeling c**P - can't bear never having any money - GAMBLE.....

and so it would continue. I would punish myself for gambling, by tightening my belt so I could hardly breathe - but that seemed to accentuate the feeling of depression, whilst still trying to stay clean. After I had blown more money than I would have spent on the object of my desire, I would think "well I might as well have bought those shoes - at least I would have something to show for it. It would have been cheaper"

So what I am trying to say is - everyone needs a treat sometimes. To say yes to themselves, when they have had to say "no" an awful lot too. Enjoy looking forward to your break, and remind yourself that it would seem like small change if you were still gambling.

Take care,

f x

Thanks Elizabeth & Freda!

apologies for my delayed reply, I keep forgetting about my own diary

still going strong. My confession ruined Christmas 2010 and the fallout from my gambling is still having huge implications of Christmas 2011 but all this just makes me realise just how much I lost gambling and makes me more determined than ever to stay quit!

be good everyone!

and I'm not even going to let my 17 straight working days get to me, not to mention the last three that have been over 15 hours long each (plus travelling to and from!) - just wish I got paid overtime - I'd be debt free by now!

never mind, I have a steady job and for that I am grateful!

I have to continue this battle against my debt, I have to continue living with the knowledge that I have denied my wife a very comfortable life. I could have given my wife the opportunity to reduce her working week, we could have been living in a bigger house, in a place we want to live, I could have felt proud about what I have earned in life, instead my wife continues her long working weeks, I continue to repay my debt, we continue living month to month, waiting for the debt to reduce so that we can move on.

after a year of not gambling, my wife did say a few days ago that she will never understand how I did what i did - I have to live with that as well

so one calender year of not gambling is under my belt and now onto tackling year two

very frustrated.

still no gambling tho!

LIfe is full of frustrations.

I could have had a couple of Rolls and a much bigger house instead of my flat by now.

But I'm happy. The flat is easy to maintain and my the running costs for my car is much lower than if I had a Rolls.

What is really important is that you are doing everything that you can possibly do. One calendar year gamble free and all set for another one.

GT

Hi Dan, Thanks for posting re my details elsewhere. I have corrected that and thanks for the heads up. Take Care

Mark