i absolutely love..... ....not gambling

Hope 2011 is a great year for you Dan.

Seano.

Hi Dan

Your diary really woke me up about debts and how easy they can accumulate and HOW EASY THEY COULD REDUCE. Read my post

Shaun

mmm, just been re reading my own diary. crikey that hurts.

I feel like such a fool, almost feeling detached from what Ive done but also feeling so depressed about the whole situation.

Thankfully I have no desire whatsoever to actually gamble, although I still have dreams/ thoughts about the flashing lights and different number combinations of roulette in particular I feel numb to the thought of ever placing a bet again, that in itself I know is a huge positive

New years eve and we could have rented a cottage for the weekedn with friends, we could have been drinking champagne cocktails, instead we are both sat at home, her downstairs wacthing tv, me upstairs posting on gamcare.

I will break stop in a minute as we need to spend some quality time together but we both have flu and thats not helping.

still officially over a month since I last gambled and things are looking up for 2011

Hey Dan - whats done is done and its now about moving forward and making the right decisions when temptation comes your way.

A day at a time and you will win the biggest jackpot of all - happiness.

Happy New Year

Dave

Happy New Year Dan!

I am in the same situation, still can't sleep well, as you can see it's 4 in the morning and i woke up with a nightmare. But no worries we will clear all the debts, and this will be over.

Just enjoy your time with so many beautiful things you have and stop worrying about the things you should or could have. Enjoy every second, because the only thing you can't recover is the time the rest is all doable, and happiness is a simple state of mind. Just concentrate on the things which makes you happy instead of feeding you depression with sad thoughts.

I wish you a very happy new year, please be strong and stay positive. Hey yesterday i felt like the curse is over, i realized that I will never gamble again, and it made so happy , I completely forgot about the debt. Try the same thing just realize it's over man, start living your life.

Dave, Halil,

thank you for your entries.

I am trying my hardest to stay positive and I will not gamble. I simply cannot ever go back down that path or I fear for what it would ultimately do to me and those around me.

I am having a rough few days as the anger and torment I have put my wife through is starting to manifest itself in how she is towards me. I can do no right, in all honestly I am feeling rather hard done by and very frustrated at how she is being. I guess I just will never know how much anguish I have caused her interally and I know that I deserve far far less than what she has given me so far in terms of support.

I have asked her to consider seeking counselling with me or seperately from me but she is not that interested in doing so at the moment.

It really isnt helping that we are both very run down with the flu, neither of us are 'ill' people and we are both suffering quite badly at the moment. Im glad im not gambling anymore as what money I have had seems to be spent on cough medicine, max strength throat sweets and flu tablets!!

Still having problems with a payday company who have taken a loan rep-ayment of almost £500 even though the account has already been closed. I know that I will get the money back at some point but it just defies belief how bad these companies are to deal with. (their intials are WDA - avoid them at ALL costs)

For those that have read some previous posts of mine, you will know that I am a strong advocate of telling those around you - it really is helping me no end. I do not want this post to put anyone off of doing so, whatever happens it is the right thing to do and it is only natural that there will be some measure of a reaction from those involved.

Ive also told my wife and mother about this diary and have encouraged them to read it at any point - mum I know you do and I dont want you to worry, Im sure we will be fine, its just been a tough few days - If I need to talk then I know you are at the end of the phone but I would rather just deal with this ourselves for now.

Well I hope everyone is having a fantastic start to their new year and lets hope as many people as possible make it through without a relapse.

With the sheer number of people on here there is bound to be a few that don't manage to stay clean - I'm determined not to be one of them, are you?!

Dan

Hi Dan

Many thanks for your post on my diary and well done on over a month without a gamble. Thats by no means an easy feat to us cgs, so very well done..Keep at it

I too am even more determined than ever to put a stop to this, i've had more slips than i can remember, but am now looking at this new year as a fresh start..

Lets all of us make a difference to our lives in 2011 and finally cut ourselves loose from this madness..

Keep Strong mate

Happy New Year to you

ahh, it s a good feeling that the days are starting to mount up, helps me feel like im on a roll,

See I wish I was still gambling cos I'd wager £1,000 that I would gamble again in the future - then I'd definately never gamble again, cos I always lost the bets I placed anyway!

Glad that the BH are over tomorrow as I'm hoping to arrange my first meeting with a counsellor in the next week or so.

A question for anyone that happens to be reading this,

There is a knock at your door, you open it and a total stranger gives you £500 in £20 notes, wishes you well and heads off in the other direction. What do you spend the money on?

necessities till pay day thus avoiding payday loans then when pay day comes around give it all back to charity....keep going dan my friend,impressive reading 🙂

Thanks for the post in my diary Dan.

Well done matey you're doing well! tt's not easy you know dealing with the aftermath of a gambling addiction and will have an impact on you and your loved ones, in time however it will get easier! I had counselling online here when I started this journey and it really helped me 🙂 Good luck a happy gamble free 2011 awaits us!

Jules x

Hi Dan,

Hope you and the missus are getting on better. I had/have the exact same issues as yourself and to be fair our wives TOTALLY deserve to have resentment, dis-trust etc. Its up to us to show them that we have changed and just remind them that their support means a lot.

Your doing really well in your recovery-i'm clean since Nov 5th (2 months tomorrow) but seems like an eternity to be fair. I constantly daydream about 'one big bet' that would clear my losses and a few times it would have come in but 80% of the time it would have just dug my hole a lot deeper!

Sounds stupid but just put the debt to one side and treat it like any other bill. Whats done is done and the only thing we can control is what happens from right now!

Keep going, keep going, keep going!

Andy

Hi Dan, I take my hat off to anybody who can confess all to family and friends. It takes real guts and I'm certain that the success rates are much higher for those that are open. As for your wife, it takes time. After ten months, I feel that progress has been made. The softening process usually starts after around 6-7 months but everybody is different. Looking at things from your wife's point of view.....why should she believe that you have changed this time? In her eyes....what's different this time? Of course you know that things are different, but she doesn't. I've said many times on here that you are going to have to take it on the chin and carry on. Keep speaking to her about what you write on here. Include her in everything you do. Show her bank statements etc etc. In short be a total open book. It already appears that you are doing all of these things. Things will get better. You are doing great. Russ

wp, Jules, Andy & Russ, many thanks for posting, has anyone managed to figure out yet just why its so nice to have people post on your own diary? I guess it might be connected to not feeling alone in the battle against our addictions...

I've not posted as much over the last few days but have still been spending a lot of time reading other people diaries and currently waiting for the counsellor to get back to me with an appointment, that was liberating in itself though, Phoning a stranger and saying, Hi, my name is dan and I'm addicted to gambling, please help.....

Have just found out that I have a small bonus coming my way, I wont see any of it as it will be going straight onto one of my many debts, but even that is good to know, the debt will decrease a fraction more.

Its still a long long road ahead but I'm starting to appreciate what I could be buying with my wage, if only I hadn't given it to the bookies and bloomin payday lenders!!

Some other good news this week when I managed to get some money back froma payday company that had taken £500 more than I owed them, only took four weeks to get it back!!!

Russ, I really resonate with your point of why is different this time, I keep asking myself the same question. So far so good and I'm still really determined and focused bt I'm still convinced I need to find out my root trigger,

thanks again everyone and I hope everyone is staying strong

36 days

great post dan 😉 reading and posting regular is key...counselling...you may be nervy at 1st but they soon put you at ease...dont worry about it,at the end of the day they are confidential and professional enough and are used to many addictions..keep it going mate,impressive stuff 🙂

5 1/2 weeks now, feeling great that ive not gambled, still have too many thoughts for it to become complacent but have finally arranged a meeting with the counsellor i want to use, not for a a couple of weeks but it gives me another target to reach.

thanks wp for your last post.

i cannot win because i cannot stop