i absolutely love..... ....not gambling

Hi chris,

You're bang on with my level of debt,

You're also spot on with the bank/loan situation, without making excuses, i gambled the money not the bank, but I use h s b c and have been to senior managers several times admitting everything and pleading for help, nothing.

This has led me to looking elsewhere, I think my worst loan was for £4500 with a total three year repayment of £11000.

Things then spiral, I get depressed then get desperate for a release, a way out, the gamblingstarts again, then payments get missed, credit rating gets hammered, loan extended, credit cards maxed out.

Then a bail out from family, for most of the debt, poor spending continues, no control, no money left not much debt in own name, reloan, new credit card, miss payments,

Don't service car, car breaks down, bill doubled

And the whole spiral continues, so whilst I have gambled thousands and thousands, I have probably doubled or tripled my debt through extortianate charges and interest rates.

And I haven't even mentioned the 7 payday loans I ended up with, interest rates of 2000 percent

I know now that my 'luck' is well and truly in with my amazing wife standing by me, I have a real chance to break the circle Once and for all.

There isn't an ounce of complancancy in me though, hence spending so much time on here

Only two weeks till I start my 1-2-1 counselling, can't wait as I'm in a self counselling phase, so need some pro help to get me to clear those thoughts and really identify my triggers and hopefully unravel some of the complex layers I've built up in my own mind.

I have also had a massive bail out from my mum, who is also amazing, she has stood by me so many tines now, I know some will say that makes her an enabler but I would have gone under long ago and would have lost my job, which is actually quite decent. She ha basically used the little she has left in her savings and is now reliant on my monthly repayments to enjoy her retirement. I fell asleep last night thinking that I've basically asked her to put all her faith, trust and crucially savings onto red or black, then told her that the roulette wheel will be spinning for 18months at least. Oh and if her colour does come in, she will only win her money back

Is that a bet i would have made, even in my haziest of moments? No is the short answer

yet that is what I have forced my family to do, to back me against all the odds,

Then having said all that I am still sat here feeling selfish - I do not want to ever gamble for my own sake. I am not allowing myself to use thoughts like, I cannot gamble for my wifes sake or for my mum sake - I know that would motivate me to not gamble for the next 18 months or so but I need to never gamble again

crikey I'm rambling again now but Chris many thanks for your considered post, it has really made me think and that is something I find really useful and motivating, so thanks

I should also point out I wont be 100% debt free in 18 months but I should be in a much more 'normal' financial position by then

P.s. Ade, thanks for your last couple of posts, it's great to have some light hearted posts in amongst all the deep and thought provoking ones - if you were to take away my dodgy humour and gambling, i really would have nothing left.....

cheers all and have a great gamble free day

i cannot win because i cannot stop

Hi Dan, I just wanted to pick you up on something....you said "if you take away my dodgy humour and gambling then there's nothing left.....". What's all that about? A pile of horsesh@t in my opinion! You can keep your dodgy humour...I like that. I think you are forgetting about your kind, considerate and thoughtful nature. Your gambling has hidden these qualities but they are coming out like a blossoming rose! It also sounded like you are sad that you are giving your gambling away.....good riddance to the horrible habit that has brought you, your wife and your close family to the brink. Come on Dan, get your self esteem up and be positive! Russ

dan ??? these thoughts will be with you for a long time mate....i still get negative vibes wi all my debts mate....thing is remaining bet free may not get them down quicker but it sure doesnt ADD to them..so lets turn that negativity into positive points...keep up your imressive posts mate,we can do this 🙂

Hey, here's another break from those (sorry!) depressing debt talks...!

Your half marathon in Bath. 20 minutes for that last mile! Sorry, but I had to giggle a bit, especially at the part when you were being overtaken by some in fancy dress.

My worst London Marathon saw me be overtaken by two (yes TWO!) rhinos. Does that make you feel better?!

I am actually doing the Bath half in March and am really looking forward to it. But I shall be desperate not to be overtaken by anyone in fancy dress.

And even more desperate to finish it!

GT

Gt - thanks I did find your story funny and reassuring! - It's not just me that it happens to then

I think I may be missing a post that I thought I had made form my mobile as I can't see it now,

Just wanted to clarify a couple of points, I feel really positive and am very pleased with my progress to date

secondaly and back to GT last post, I am getting so much strength and support from the lengthy in depth chats, although I may go through a few negatives and depressed moments, its precisely what I need

I truly want to explore my gambling addiction to the full, I want to understand myself better than ever before, I want to talk, learn, read, anaylise everything to do with my addiction in the hope that one day I can honestly live my life without gambling at the forefront of my mind

I guess this is the bit where I understand changedmans perspective, one day I really hope I can concentrate on the future and not keep reliving the past

that said that is a long long way down the road, there will be many a hurdle and test ahead,

and for the record I will always always always have to fight against this addiction, I just hope that the amount of fighting reduces a bit over time

GT my final point I might have to look into doing the bath half again, i loved it

take care all

dan

Hey ho Dan,

Good to read your continued progress.

The point you make about not having gambling at the front your mind - I'm struggling with this at the moment.

I find myself constantly thinking about it...far more than when I was actually gambling. Back then it was either something I was 'doing' - or something I was suffering from as a result of a loss. Now it's neither. Now it's something else. And each time I log onto this site I have the words GAMBLING PROBLEM staring back at me from the top of the screen.

Unfortunately, it seems, there can't be any positive connotations relating to gambling - not for us CGs anyway...so we are lumbered with it. Lol.

I didn't post much over the weekend and I don't mind admitting that it was like taking the stabilizers off my first bicycle. I did it - but was kind of glad to get back on here today!

Hope to continue to read your success - and congrats to you...

Matt

Day 31 🙂

Hi Dan.

Thanks for posting on my diary.

Great to see you approaching 7 weeks without a bet. I take great heart from seeing what us cg's can achieve with a bit of hard work and determination.

I see you are a Saints fan. I've never forgiven Southampton for selling James Beattie to ourselves. What a waste of space he turned out to be!

Keep up the good work.

thanks matt, mmm gambling is constantly on my mind as well, very draining in many ways but also adds to my wanting to learn all, there will be a day when i am not so concious in my thoughts and I want to make sure im prepared mentally to not let myself slip when that time comes...

curly, what can I say, even in his pomp, I never rated beattie, he always had the turning circle of the titanic, we made a few good sales over the years, beattie, Kevin Davies, the first time round,

dean richards was another excellent sale for us but then we have also had a lot of talent that has left on the cheap,

walcott, bale, bridge, shearer, mcgoldrick, leon best, I could go on....

injuries aside though im surprised beattie hasnt done anything in scotland yet

dan

Might be something to do with his man boobs Dan!

Not the best advert for a premiership footballer when he jogs out onto the pitch and nearly takes his own eye out.

There was talk of him going to Liverpool last summer. Now that would have been the greatest day of my life!

I hope Southampton get back up the leagues soon mate.

cheers curly!

well life certainly fires tests our way doesnt it, thankfully with all the different things going on in my life right now, gambling isnt one of them

still loving it! (not gambling that is)

Dan,

Keep at it. You are doing spot on. Those urges to gamble will give up sooner or later. Like a crying child looking for sweets, they will stop when you don't feed them. Poor analogy and going wrong for extensions of this. lol

Just keep doing what you are doing. That's all you can do right now. Theres no pill we can take on this one. Just to take the pain of cold turkey.

It gets easier.... perhaps the same strength but just not as frequent.

Brian

thanks brian,

I certainly am looking forward to a day when i can park the word gambling slightly further back in my brain,

still for now, i have just realised that today is my 7 week day, my second target was always my second payday, that is in a weeks time and will only be used for bills, hopfully there will be a bit extra there following some overtime, which I can't get very often, and I have had to overspend a bit this month, for reasons out of my control and also becuase I am so used to frittering away money as part of hiding the problem that I am yet to fully control my every penny, just trying to concentrate on every twenty at the moment,

still two more good months, a decent pay packet at the beginning of april and I will be in a much better place

cheers all

Just remember that when you do get that bit of extra money...

...spend it on YOURSELF!

Maybe start planning on what treats you will get using that extra money. After all, you deserve it after being so long gamble free!

GT

myself?, come on GT you really are having a laugh now, any spare penny would be spent on the wife - now I wont begrudge her for one second - but I also wont even have a say in the matter.........

🙂

Oh, the joys of being single! What a doting hubby you are!

GT