I am stronger than I thought!

You know, you're right.. we are very, very similar!

I too am posting less on my diary for fear of being too negative... as I'm also feeling down 🙁

All I can say is hang in there my friend, hopefully we'll soon come out of the dark and back into the light 🙂

xxx

Ahh likewise buddy 🙂

I am exactly the same.. it makes me feel physically sick to open up about anything really. I had councelling but couldn't do the face to face thing because of how vulnerable the thought of it made me feel.. so I did the online one where at least my face couldn't be seen! You know, it really, really helped and I opened up more than I thought I ever would.

I'm like you.. I don't do crying but found myself crying almost all the time through the councelling.. but I always felt better after each session.

Your support to me here over the last 3 months has been immense and I don't think I would have made it this far without you so don't you ever forget that either!

Always here for you.. xxxxxx

Hi charlotte glad to hear that maddison is on the mend you must be so relieved. Sorry to hear your a bit low at the moment, recovery isnt all sweetness and light, I decided my diary was going to be a warts and all account of my recovery people can choose to read it or not negative or positive people will still say your a massive support to others on here. Keep your chin up kid, it will pass. Oh I didnt buy more shoes I got a new wardrobe instead lol xx

Thanks 4 ur kind words 🙂

Thanks Lmm, ur support keeps me strong xxxx

Just wanted 2 say thanks to Red 4 cheering me up in chat.. It was soooo good 2 catch up with u, thanks for making me laugh. It is ppl like u that gives me hope xx

No gambling 2day 🙂

Hi you have done so well you should be so proud of yourself giving up gambling isn't easy but with support it makes it easier to deal with. i wish you the best of luck Charlotte. Thank you for your kind words on my post 🙂 x

Hay honey,

You have had a tough few days, it's bound to sap away your positivity.

But it will return , if you read my diary every three weeks the dark clouds descend over me for a day or three.

We have all used gambling to try to make us feel better, then blamed it for the miserable way we feel

Strip gambling away and we will still have our ups and downs but find it hard to explain why.

Just life I suppose.

Hope you feel a bit more like yourself tomorrow , and if not that's ok , you will in a day or two.

Hugs

Dusty xxx

Hi Charlotte

Sorry to hear you've been feeling a little low but hey Charlotte that's ok , it's normal , again you had huge worries with Maddison and keeping strong for her has prob bought on this low spell now you know she will be fine.

Charlotte it is so normal to have good and bad days , try to focus on the days that are good and remember why they were , this should help refocus back

Keep strong girl your amazing

Lucy

Hi Char,

I hope you are feeling better today.. these ups and downs are a flipping nightmare aren't they?

But hey, you're still gamble free, you have a great family and you have a lot of people on here ready to support you at every hurdle... me included!

Keep going my friend, you're doing great xxx

These recovery journeys of ours really do have their ups and downs, don't they?! You said that you did not want to share your negative thoughts. I find that letting out all my negative thoughts such as seeing those £10 scratchards in the shops recently help me. Just a thought...

Hope you are having a better today.

NT

Hey Char,

Hope things are getting better mate, keep at it your doing amazing through this tough time!!

Like nearly there said open up your negative thoughts as well that's what we are all here for support each other..

Keep going mate I will try and get into chat tonight if your around.

Shaun x

Thanks 4 all ur kind words 🙂

It was good 2 catch up Shaun, thanks xx

I hate my posts being negative I really do but like everyone says I can't help how I feel.

Today I almost gambled I was so close.

My bf was on l8s so he looked after Maddison while I went in2 town 2 pick up a cake that we ordered 4 my nans bday. The shop was next door 2 a machine arcade... I normally gamble in the pubs. I looked in and saw ppl playing and I stood there and I convinced my self that I could control wot I spent just a few pounds. I was just about 2 go in the arcade and my bf called me. I could have gone in when I got off the phone. But I saw sense and left it. So I am still gamble free.... but just... it was very close.

Everytime I feel miserable, I think gambling will help me 4get altho I know gambling makes me even more stressed and miserable. One day I will learn!!

I have been feeling really down 4 the last couple of days really... I don't even like myself nemore. I know it sounds stupid. I have been having some really dark thoughts and it makes me angry at myself.

I am not very good at talking or showing ne emotions and that does not help.

Maybe its just lack of sleep, I am knackered.

Sometimes I think ppl would be better off without me, 2day proved that I could have ruined all of my hard work in seconds.

Why am I so selfish, I should be happy, why am I not.

Sorry 4 the depressing post.

Take care all xx

Sorry to hear that charlotte i know when i dont get my sleep i cant think straight.

Hopefully youll get a gud sleep tonite you had a big scare wit madisson at the weekend so that taking it out of you to.

Dont be so hard on yourself wer all only human its normal unforunately to have bad days.

But the good news is you didnt play the fruit machines so really well done.

Charlotte your so caring and supportive of others you should be proud of yourself!

Charlotte, don't be too hard on yourself. You've had a hectic, emotional few days, looking after a baby is not tiring, it's exhausting. You will feel terrible, dark thoughts, feeling negative is a consequence. Things will definitely get better, much, much sooner than what you think. Your not worthless, you're a wonderful person and mother. Dig deep and get to the other side. Ask for help, get some rest, talk on here, we all care for you. Really glad you didn't gamble but your wellbeing is more important. Hope you feel better soon, tell your boyfriend, he sounds decent, he'll listen and you'll feel better, Steve

Hiya Hun

Don't ever feel bad about posting any of your thoughts and feelings on you diary...thats the place to get it all out then we can carry you whilst your low just as you carry us when we are low..

It's true what everyone has said...and with Maddison being so ill you will have been running on adrenaline and now just worn out ...

Ask for help Charlotte if you need it and lean on your boyfriend a bit more as you also need someone who you can rely on...

You did great not to go back and that took a lot of mental strength at a time when you are feeling probably not very strong......I also had some dark thoughts the last few weeks and Dot kept me going...

So many people (and one dog) on here all sending the biggest hugs and love to you...We all like you hun and think your fab. ....your not going to get rid of us that quick ..lol xxx

Keep posting...the good,the bad and the ugly ....its unconditional..

Rach and Doo xxx

Hello petal,

I feel such a fraud giving you advice when I am struggling with things myself. But I’m going to anyway and maybe I can try and help us both in the process!

You know I have to echo what Ronnie, Steve and Rachel have said so far. You have had quite a traumatic few days and it would be odd if you didn’t suffer some kind of mental fallout from it. Particularly when you are also fighting this affliction.

Let’s look at the positives eh? You didn’t gamble… urges will always be there I suppose, but you didn’t act on them.. so a big fat well done to you!

You say you don’t like yourself at the moment.. welcome to my club! The things you mention could so easily have come from me.. I am trying to find ways of dealing with these feelings and am struggling but all I can say is that despite this, I know in the long term, the steps I am taking now will all be worth it. I guess we just have to go through the s**t first.

It’s this bleeding rollercoaster again Char.. On it’s way down for a bit but it will be back up soon enough.. Just hang tough!

Oh and no one would be better off without you in their lives… you are a special, special person and the world would be a lot poorer without the likes of you in it so no more talk like that ok?

As everyone else says, we are all here for you and always will be.

Take care sweety

Lmm xxxxxx