I can do this

Hi Jane, joining troops in congratulating you with double figures. Nice and steady, keep mounting the days up, it will only get better and you fill find yourself as different and calmer person going forward. Keep gifting yourself your life back, recovery is a great gift and you are worth it. Take care and well done. S x

Thank you both for your kind words. Last shift tonight/this morning then 4 days off.

I have felt a lot less stressed over the last few days I haven't had to feel worried about my losses as I haven't had any, nor have I felt worried about how I am going to manage until pay day - this is must be how 'normal non gambling' people feel!

When I get home in the morning I will be going straight off to bed, hopefully I will be able to sleep - usually when my days off are a Monday I would forgo sleep to go on the bingo and slots site as my deposits limit would be reset. I am sure I will feel loads better with sleep and with the worry of how I will cover up my losses.

Here's to day 11, good luck all and me xx

Hi Jane,

Well done on finding the strength to get through those early days, and congratulations on progressing to double figures. You're right that gambling increases stress levels in terms of the guilt and managing the finances, hope you enjoy those four days off. Make sure you keep your guard up, I always find those demons start whispering when I find myself with a bit of free time.

Hope the last shift goes quickly, and that you sleep well knowing that you are taking the right positive steps.

All the best

Ryan

Thank you Ryan for your comments. I am working on breaking my usual routines Monday's used to = losing my hard earnt money which lead to feelings of guilt anger and loss now Mondays = having the will power to stay away from the slots and feelings of happiness knowing I have nothing to feel guilty about x

Day 12

Yesterday was a good day for me, I didn't really have time to think about logging on line, I do think I am finding it easier as I have no available money to lose in my account, I wonder if this will be different once I get paid in a couple of weeks?? I think it might be best to start thinking about spending any left over money as soon as possible on Christmas presents so that I haven't got that worry. I am worried that once I have my little bit left over I will try and find a way of losing it on, On line bingo/slots, I worry that it's be 'easier' because I know I haven't got any available money from the start of my journey - if that makes sense??

Anyway I don't know why I am so worried about that as pay day is still a few weeks away!

Off to see my friend today who I haven't seen for a couple of weeks so today should be a good day.

Good luck everyone and me, hope today is a good gamble free day for us all xx

Hi Jane,

Well done on 12 days, and it is quite normal for us to worry about excess money, good idea to have plans where to put it before it comes along. The addiction will hate that, if all you gambled on needed your card, withdraw any available cash, I up until a couple of months ago only left 8 in my account after bills and debts, which all come out on payday, I left 8 in because I needed a tenner to play, it gives us time to think rationally, also remember the triangle, time money, location, take one away its impossible to play.

You are doing great, don't worry too much, just take one day at a time,

Suzannexx

Thank you Suzanne for you message. I don't know why I am worried about something that won't happen for another week or so - I wonder if it because I am so used to feeling stressed and worried about my losses that I am looking for something to replace that with? I need to relax!

Dear me,

Day 13 - 1 day until 2 weeks! High 5 me....

I haven't got much planned today other than house work which I will get started on very soon, I am finding that I am sleeping better and for longer which can only be a good thing. Had a good day yesterday went to see my friend which was lovely, had a really good catch up.

Xx

Dear Me,

Today is DAY 14 - 2 whole weeks without chucking my hard earnt money in the bin! This is the longest I have ever been in many years without gambling of any kind. I still want to log on to my usual sites - I have noticed that these thoughts mainly come when I am sat down at home with not much to do (I can't log on to my usual sites because I am self excluded) daft as it sounds when I am stood at the counter in the shops that sell scratch cards waiting to pay for my stuff I don't even look at the tower of scratch cards for sale - my old self would go into a shop for a paper and come out having spent £20 on them I would do this sometimes 2-3 a day! I would justify it to myself by saying that I won my money back - now when I think back I didn't I was ££'s down! I come out of the shop now wanting to high five myself!

Last day off today before I am back at work for 4 shifts, I have already got lots planned for my next 4 off - when I think back for the last 6 months or so the only plans I had for my days off was to sit on my lappy and gamble (mainly trying in vain to get back my loses)

Looking back over the last 2 weeks my emotions have been like a rollacoaster, I still feel the urge to gamble but my will power is stronger! It does help coming on here each day - it's like having someone to talk to, I have only told my husband about my problem so this diary is like having a 'friend'

This time next week I would of been paid, as this is one of the things I have been worried about I have planned ahead and I know how much I need to keep in my account for bills and the rest I am transferring to my husbands account - I don't think i trust my will power enough yet and I want to avoid tempation. I figure If I do this for the next couple of months and see how I go, I will gradually leave a little bit in my account each month. I just want to be 'normal' and to be able to have cash in my account without the fear that I will find away of gambling.

Sorry for rambling on diary! But I just needed to get my thoughts out on paper xx

Dear diary,

Just a quick one to say I have made it to Day 15! Woop woop ME xx

A big fat well done to you your doing fantastically well doing all the right things and keep going 1 day at a time...x

wow ur doing well keep it up 🙂 i went 3 days and relapsed 🙁

i wanted to say tho ur mindset has changed from what it was in the beginning....

remember rewarding urself is a good thing and occupy ur time

best of luck

LEE

I have had a really busy but a good day at work, just got home putting my feet up with a glass of wine. I have had a couple of temptations today to buy scratch cards but my will power won. Day 16 and still winning xx

thats the way to go Jane that will power will get stronger each day you dont give in to it and yep your still very much winning as opposed to that dilusion that you might win when you gamble but ultimately lose not only your money but your mind self respect trust etc etc...x

Thanks Forrest for your comment. I didn't manage to get on yesterday to write in my diary but Day 17 still gamble free, on to Day 18 just off to bed after my night shift xx

Hi Jane,.

Well done on 18 days, keep going and keep winning, and you will get stronger and stronger.

Suzanne xx