I can do this

Day 19, just 2 more days then it's 3 weeks!

I could honestly play on line today, I wont - because A. I physically can't blocked, blocked, blocked! And B. I have no available money on my bank account and most importantly C. Deep down I don't want to.

I just need to ride this wave and more on!

Day 19 and still winning xx

Yep Jane your certainly winning every day and your doing brilliantly keep those good positive thoughts going keep strong and each day is a great day you dont give in to that terrible illness x

Thank Forrest for your positive words!

Day 20 today

Still feel abit Wobblie after yesterday, I think the feeling to want to gamble caught me by surprise! I have learnt so much from reading other people's diaries ( I don't often comment on other people's diaries - I never know what to put! I feel abit daft giving advise when I don't know what I am doing myself!) but I do read loads of entires and they all keep me going one way or another.

Well diary I had best get my b*m into gear, busy day today! Xx

Hi Jane,

Well done on 20 days, and for pushing through that wave yesterday.

Every time we ride through those urges it makes us stronger.

Those urges can creep up on us at any time , well done again.

Suzanne xx

Day 21!! Three whole weeks - well done to me xx

Well done to you Jane!! You go girl!! 🙂
3 weeks is only the good set off for the journey, keep distancing yourself from that self destruction and misery.

Great job, tiny steps forward - be proud

S x

Thank you Sandra!

Day 22

Pay day today, the first day I have had actual money in my account since the start of my journey and hopefully the first full month when I don't throw any money away. I will be transferring all monies that I don't need in to the husbands account to avoid temptation.

I am pretty worn out today after the last few busy days I have had so I haven't got much planned for today other than a bit of house work and getting my bits ready for going back to work tomorrow, so I plan on sorting my money out first before I give myself the opportunity of sitting down with my laptop and trying to find a site that I am not blocked on. I know I sounds daft and although I 'know' I don't want to gamble and the only person I will be letting down directly is myself, I keep getting flashes in my mind that "but this time you will win" my mind is like a superhero trying to defend me from my thoughts. I know I can't win because I wouldn't with drawer the money if I did (if that makes sense) anyway I am off to fight another day get my money sorted ASAP and get on with laundry xx

Jane you keep going doing the right things remember that monkey will always be there on your shoulder waiting to pounce if you let it and trust me it will always tell you you can win this time but you know you wont and each day you keep it at bay you get stronger it gets weaker but feed it and it will bounce back... even a 50p bet for me will mess my head up after putting in so much work and you have done so much in your battle so keep strong and keep winning each day you dont gamble x

Thank you Forrest for you comments.

Day 23 today - it's almost at a close had another busy day at work! I do like being busy as it gives me less time to be thinking about losing my money. I have sorted my money out so that I don't have access to any money in my bank account. Which as daft as it sounds as eased the pressure I was being to feel. Fingers crossed for another gamble free day xx

Day 24

Woop woop ME!!

I have had a good day today, been rushing around at work all day and I have just sat down with a well earnt glass of wine!

2 more shift then my days off, trying to forward plan but I am so tired I can't seem to get any sort of plan together. Xx

Day 25

Just a quick day check xx

Day 26

Yet another night shift. I havent had much time to write in my diary this last week or so, so I thought I should update myself!

It has been a busy week with one thing or another, totally feels so strange that I have money left over just goes to show how little I realised I was spending, I havent wanted to buy any scratches over the last few days the urge hasn't been there - which has to be a good thing.

Did have to tell myself off this week when my other half had bought a couple of lotto tickets and didn't win.....I found myself saying to him ' well that's a fiver you will never see again, you should stop chucking your money away'

I think all of this total no gambling thing has gone to my head!

Totally shattered but I must get back to work......roll on home time xx

Day 27

Hi Jane,

Well done on 27 days of wining and you're surely on a right track and heading to the better and calmer future.

Nightshifts? Heh..join the club there 🙂 hope you are looking after yourself and catching up on that well needed sleep.

Keep winning every day, you are doing it and should be proud of yourself!

Day at a time
Stay safe

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

Thank you for your post.

I haven't been able to get on here for the last couple of days, but I am still going strong!!

Day 28 - Day 29 - Day 30!!!

It's been a month since I have been on line to gamble and I can honestly say I haven't felt as good as I do today for a very long time, what you don't realise when you are 'chucking your money in the bin' is how much pressure you are under the worry about if you don't win and the worry if you do is massive. I would be waiting until I got paid each month so that I could get back in line and win - I didn't win, because even when's credit amount went up I carried on playing thinking I could win more in the end I would lose the lot then re deposit! Crazy......! I would then be so stressed about the loses and how I could live for the rest of the month.

Sorry for anyone that is reading this as it is just me waffling on but I think it is really helping me to remember how all of this made me feel!! And I don't want to stop winning this fight to stay gamble free. This is the one thing I need to keep winning at!!!

On another note.......

I treated myself to a Handheld Hoover yesterday in the Black Friday sales - which is something I have wanted for a while ( it's things like this that show you that you are getting old!!! Ha ha) which I could never afford because I would normal be skint a week after getting paid xx