I can do this!

Day 2, feel good, at home with family today so should be ok, I wouldn't tend to gamble when everyone's home during the day (that's actually a fib I have hidden in the bathroom and gambled actually...) but no access means no Sneakyness! A positive day ahead, aside from a little one with chicken pox!

Thank you half life, he does need to toughen up unfortunately, trying too hammer home all your bad points too your other half is terrible, explaining your dark secrets and lies, it should be enough to make anyone never gamble again! But I know I have been here and felt embarrassed and disgusted with myself before and still did it again, this time thou...I am doing this!

Wow are we the same person lol!I can relate to everything I've done the same telling me hubby the gas and electric have gone up the truth is I have cancelled the direct debits so many times the debt has built up I'm on so many last warnings where they won't reset the direct debits as I cancel so much.he says I spend to much on the kids this is true but it's guilt isn't it,day 15 and I'm feeling good they say 31 days to break a habit I've never made it to 7 before I was introduced to gambling as my in laws own race horses so early in our relationship I was regularly in various bookies then moved to online slots much more dangerous as the money is virtual but the thrill is instant one I actually won £1,700 on a bingo site but as I'd self excluded before and opened a new account they blocked me and kept my winnings only refunding me my stake was only when I cashed out they closed my account they were happy taking my deposits for a week before hand but losing those winnings has probably saved me thousands because I made up my mind to change so I'm here!I love your story as it's so much like mine stay strong xxxx

Hi dizzy I am interested that they "kept your winnings" that is actually against the law whether you are self excluded or not.

A funny thought today when I was at tesco today self service dividing my shopping up so I could pay in various ways (too embarrassed if I didn't have enough in one account)putting all my pennies in and trying to make my shopping look more than it is I put back some reduced 0.38p mushrooms today you have to see the funny side what a saddo I was doing £10 a time spins and losing hundreds in one go ha ha silly dizzy

Hi Alice , thanks for the drop by and kind message earlier , I'm reall sorry to hear that youv'e come back under the cicumstances you have but the important thing is that did return and pick up again .

The only thing you can do is tighten all the loopholes and get your blocks as watertight as you can , gamblings sneeky and just when you think you have a bit of a grip , it goes out of its way to prove you wrong , yoiu know where you went wrong , so build on it and use the knowledge to your advantage , anything I can do to help just let me know .

Nice to hear from you and talk to you soon .

Best wishes ....................Alan x

Morning day 3! Feeling super good and working my way through candy crush saga...every spare second! Spent a few hours yesterday sorting paperwork too, feeling a bit more organised now. The last 4 weeks I had slipped back too minimal life duties, my tidy but unclean house is going too get it this week, the quick dinners that I kept making are a goner too! I used to prepare great meals, but my time gambling was so much that I would put quick stuff in the oven while still playing, everything was getting done but with minimal effort! I am going too transform back into super mum this week! Thanks Alan, just reading your comments around the board is inspiring for me, so I shall keep doing it! And every loop hole is tightened again, it was my ability to lie that got me through it, I have told my oh too not trust me one tiny bit! Not even let me look at my card from a distance In case I snap a photo of it too store the details...(yes that low) I'm totally locked down! Dizzy, the meal thing! Yep! I used too go to tesco and try and make a meal with £1.62 but happily pee £100s a day on slots! The mind set is unreal, and my gas bill prob looks like yours! This week I'm hoping to receive a nice refund from a claim I made about unaffordable lending, it was upheld by the ombudsman and it will go quite away into sorting some priority debts out, so a fresh start on some things! I hope you all have a great day! Alice X

Hi Alice, soz you're back in this situation but you're back & that means you've not given up on giving up 🙂

We're sneaky little cows aren't we...I didn't even have a family whilst gambling (heavens forbid I could have ever cheated on Mr Gamble the control freak that he is) but I know what I'm capable of & it isn't pretty. Good to see you've come clean & bewarned, you may need to remind him occasionally that you're stuck with this for life & to question anything & everything that don't feel right! Still, we can't go back so just gotta pick ourselves up, bring on the Supermum & look to the future - ODAAT

Heya hun how you feeling??as each day passes look at well you you have done and reward yourself not by gambling but doing something with the money u would have spent xxxxx

Hi Day 4!

feel good today, after school yesterday was rainy so didn't go too the park, but did the boys reading with them and played jenga, so simple but they were really happy, and their behaviour for 2 young boys (both 6 at the minute 1 is nearly 7 in a few days) was lovely, just a bit of attention from mum goes along way! God I have been s**t, they then helped make dinner, again 2 smiling boys! That feeling is what should get me through, seeing them happy! I would tell them I was working but really sat there spinning and they would go off and play, seriously sad stuff, addiction makes us horrible people too be around. I am so determined too beat this!

Odaat he really is going too need reminding, I needed too order bits for my sons birthday and he tried to give me the card last night, I said I'm so sorry but you need too type the numbers in and then put the card away, I actually need him too read some stories on here to realise how serious this is.

Dizzy just read your diary, you seem happier! Yey! How's your day been? Feeling focused still? I wish there was someone close too you too confide in because it helps so much, but understand your situation at home, and totally respect your decision not too tell him X

Thanks hunni yup as each day goes by I feel better altho the debt is bad x

AER1983 wrote:

Hi Day 4!

feel good today, after school yesterday was rainy so didn't go too the park, but did the boys reading with them and played jenga, so simple but they were really happy, and their behaviour for 2 young boys (both 6 at the minute 1 is nearly 7 in a few days) was lovely, just a bit of attention from mum goes along way! God I have been s**t, they then helped make dinner, again 2 smiling boys! That feeling is what should get me through, seeing them happy! I would tell them I was working but really sat there spinning and they would go off and play, seriously sad stuff, addiction makes us horrible people too be around. I am so determined too beat this!

Odaat he really is going too need reminding, I needed too order bits for my sons birthday and he tried to give me the card last night, I said I'm so sorry but you need too type the numbers in and then put the card away, I actually need him too read some stories on here to realise how serious this is.

Dizzy just read your diary, you seem happier! Yey! How's your day been? Feeling focused still? I wish there was someone close too you too confide in because it helps so much, but understand your situation at home, and totally respect your decision not too tell him X

Happy for you Alice, you appear to be making a lot of good decisions right now. Don't forget what got you here, both the goods and bads. Tri x

Morning! I'm still feeling really positive, have no urge today at all, my boys in just a few days seem happier, I'm spending more time with them, we baked cookies last night, I'm never going too be perfect but I am going too make sure I am the best mum I can be! I have re read my diary, so definitely not going too get complacent at any point, re reading it and seeing all my feelings, then doing the whole thing again makes my head scream why!! Seriously, this is it! There isNO happiness for me in gambling, absolutely none, the addiction pretends I love it, even makes you feel like you have given something up that you loved and enjoyed, but I know what I felt was my heart pumping, heart in mouth, feeling sicker and sicker, winning losing was all the same, and the out come always the same! Very very rarely withdrawing as there was never a figure I was happy with, always wanting more, and in fact it wasn't about money, just about more 'gambling time'. Absurd, completely absurd. Not today Mr addiction, you lose today, and each day from now on. I hope everyone has a fantastic day x

Heya hun me too on day 17 in my head the goal was 31days (31days to break a habit )I do feel a bit low but I think it's like picking up the pieces after a huracaine has been thro.still massive guilt that this will effect our family for a long time and you feel like you're acting out being a mum and the gambling is going to jump up and bite you in the number but NO we won't let it win today will be a good day xxxx

Yey! 1 week, small steps but feel a big change, remarkable how 7 little days can do so much, feel good, junk emails advertising casinos still coming in thick and fast, but not feeling anything other than a bit of pride! Unsubscribe and a swipe too left and it's gone, I swear when you self exclude too make some money they sell your details too the world! Junk about everything possible is filling my junk box! I actually feel no urge today, nothing! Just positive, and a need too get super organised! Hope everyone has a great day! X

Ah day one here you are again. 3rd time lucky and all that. I have now had too tell my rather wonderful partner that for the 3rd time that I'm back in a dark place being the sneaky little *** I was. So I have started my journey a bit differently this time, I emailed him last week telling him every lie, every trick, how I feel about myself, and yet again he said we will sort it, he's not going anywhere. Well Mr your too dam nice ! And I love you. So I called the helpline a few days ago too get some councilling but there is none available in my area. I have found a GA meeting on a Sunday night so I'm going too head too that this weekend, although I have visions of what I think it's going too be like I'm hoping I fit in and feel conftable there because I belong there and need it. I need something regular so I don't talk myself into thinking I'm alright because I never will be. So yesterday afternoon I had my last gamble at 230 and at 3pm I had a hypnotherapy session!! I found a local lady a few days ago, explained my addiction and she thinks she can help. Now I was there for 2 hours, most of it spent talking about life, my family, my past etc and 15 mins of the actual 'hypnotherapy'. Has it worked? I don't know! I haven't gambled but I have a shiney new app blocker that works a treat and no money so it easier too not gamble when you really can't, and I feel pretty good, but I'm not expecting it too last, im ready for the crash! She swapped gambling (I'm not sure it works exactally like that more of a switch of focus) too going for a walk, healthy snacks and sorting my house and paperwork out, they will be my outlets when the urge hits me (I'm expecting tierd legs!!) I have another session booked next week so will see how it goes, but I have definitely started my journey with more enthusiasm this time, and feel different too, I have honestly had enough of the life I have been living, I'm sick too death of hiding and lying, I'm sick too death of constantly juggling the bills, being a s**t mum and partner, I'm actually done with it, I think I'm enjoying it at the time but I don't win, I don't withdraw, I just carry on, spinning like a k**b, just pure stupidity. No matter how much I win my head says it's just more too play with, no matter how much I lose my head says never mind just deposit again and do it some more. Money doesn't feel real anymore (my debts are thou!) So here we go, day 1 of the end, come on life lets do it!