I can do this

Hi Mindy

Yes addiction can hit some people far worse than others. Not sure how bad you understand your problem with gambling to be, but if your unsure you could ring up Gamcare and perhaps arrange some counselling or contact Gamblers Anonymous?

Plenty of options around. Good start so far. Tri

re stealing, my husband ended up stealing from our children and from me to fund it. Not at first, the addiction is progressive and it progressed. As unchecked, addictions do progress. When we got married, neither my husband nor I forsaw that he would become that sort of person and reversing the thinking that allows money to be "borrowed" illicitly takes his continued effort.

I was on the receiving end for long enough to expect missing money and active addiction to be linked. Less to do with judgement, more to do with actual experience.

Since he went into recovery, my husband does not want access to surplus money, it represents temptation. I have financial control, which suits both of us. More positively, on those occasions where he has needed money for big ticket items, I've made it available and he's used it responsibly. But neither of us want to test him and I will not jeopardise my financial safety and wellbeing by trusting him blindly.

To end on a positive note, the best example that my husband can give our children is to remain in recovery and be the decent parent to them that he was always capable of being.

CW

Hi Mindy,

Your comment about wanting to gamble when you feel low really resonates with me. An argument with the wife has always ended up with me jumping in the car and finding a pub so I could play a fruit machine. The £40 pint, every time. I guess it's the emotional comfort blanket, something that you think will make you feel good - other people will go for alcohol, drugs, a cigarette, whatever it might be but gambling has the same feeling. Until it's over and then you just feel worse (just like any of the other things mentioned).

I don't know about you but for me that was an excuse, I could blame her for me losing money - if she hadn't moaned at me I wouldn't have gambled so it isn't my fault. Work has been c**P so I gambled, it's works fault. Whatever excuse would do.

Hope you're doing well.

Jas

Everyone's an individual but much of the behaviour that goes with active addiction is fairly standard - remoteness/withdrawal, rationalising, manipulation, deceit, blame. That's what we find at our meetings, one person describes their experience and most of the others in the room have experienced similar. I don't suggest that every CG steals but stealing is very common amongst active CGs to fund the next bet, it's not unusual for GA members to have done time. The rationalisation is, "I'll borrow it, win more and put it back." It goes wrong because a CG can't win because they can't stop.

Similarly not every relationship breaks down but compulsive gambling is not a recipe for a happy relationship, most new GA members are in difficulties with their loved ones.

At the outset, my husband didn't dip into the kids savings. Partly because the addiction hadn't progressed at that stage, partly because he wasn't that desperate.

Compulsive gambling has consequences which might not matter short term in the rush to place the next bet but which catch up eventually.

CW

Hi mindy and welcome to GC. I am a compulsive gambler myself and understand how tough the journey is.
On the posts obove. Please don't think someone is judging you, all what ladies are saying is that addiction is progressive. Which it is.
I never stolen money but depends how you look at it. Me gambling my money away which supposed to be for a day out with my nephew is stealing in my eyes. Not everything is materialistic. There are many ways to round this term.

You're starting recovery journey and should concentrate on yourself. From now on it can only get better and please belelieve me - you can do it ☺

Nice and steady, one day at a time!

Wish you well, look after yourself and keep on keeping on...plus - no more beating yourself up about the past - now and tommorow matters the most ☺

S x

Hi Mindy, sad to hear you are so low, it is a trait amongst us, when we have lost, all the negative feelings in the world attack us, depression, loss of worth, wanting to hide and the rest, partly because we know we have done wrong. There can be no mistaking that we have not been shrewd or clever with our money and at the very worst other people's money. As for stealing I think that the addication and worry associated with major losses (as mentioned above) can well lead to stealing, but from my experiance of reading on here, that's a percentage (not sure what 10% - 30%) who knows, but not certainly everyone. There are on this site a lot of clever people who give great advice, but one thing for sure nearly everyone (99.9%) have been damaged by gambling, and the advice can come from the cg themself, or the non-cg (partner, wife, husband, brother. sister, sibling, mother, father etc.), so the advice can be given from a different perpective, you have to take that on board. I am (I am wanting to be a recovering cg) a cg, and the financial level has got to the point where I have put finally all the barriers in place to stop, if I hadn't done that over the past week I think I would have gambled, so angry am I at what I have done to my financial well being. So I have stopped, I feel s..t, I know my financial health is OK, but to what is was it is rubbish. But I will not steal to feed my addication, I draw the line at, so to be relatively poor for the rest of my days, rest easier on the conscience that stealing the boss's petty cash tin or my mothers pension. So no not everyone will steal, but put the barriers in place .................. because if you have zilch in the bank who knows ? - Paul

The positive is what you can achieve and the example you can set by choosing recovery. Not an easy choice but still a choice.

Either way, the choice is yours.

CW

Hi Mindy,

Welcome to the site and well done for getting through some tough days and making it to 3 weeks gamble free...big pat on the back. It makes it easier when we tell people about the addiction, it thrives on the secrecy and so many people suffer in silence. I was ashamed and felt weak for having this addiction but then my therapist simply said ' it is easy to become addicted' and with that I realised it is - many people suffer from addictions in different forms...we are not bad people us CG's, we just went down the wrong path. Not its time to turn around and get back on the right path and thats what you are doing. You should feel proud that you have admitted you have a problem and you are now actively seeking to resolve it. What the guys have said is right, this is a progressive illness, if we dont put a stop to it now there are a lot of stories out there where people go to extreme lengths to get their next fix. I never stole, but i did lie and shut myself away from friends and family, not something I am proud of. Everybodys story is different but we share a common goal - to kick Mr Gamble into touch by sorting out what was going on that drove us to gamble.

Your last post was extremely positive, keep going back to it when times are hard...there will be hard times but life does get much better when you are not gambling. People can slip but dont focus on that, other people can abstain for many years - the rest of their life even. You journey will be your own but you will have lots of support and guidance on the site to help you along the way!

All the best, one day at a time!

mindy77 wrote: Feel great today. Haven't gambled in 21 days. Had a bit of a chat with netline last night. Put a few things into perspective. While taking with a friend today I picked up the courage to tell her that I am a cg and she was great. Didn't judge in fact said her mum had a problem when she was alive. How many people must suffer in silence. So today I feel proud of myself again. I know who I am and want to be a better version of that. I know the road ahead is not going to be easy and I will probably hit stumbling blocks but I am here and I want it.

Love seeing "feel proud of myself again" - it's like you write my thoughts! Hang on to that feeling and remember how ashamed of yourself you feel whenever you've gambled and lost.

Suffer in silence - so many must, how long have you? I know I have - if I think about it it's really over 20 years that I've had a problem and it just got worse. I'm not really the sort of person to talk and this site is my only outlet but I actually find it quite inspiring.

One other thing - reading through the comments on here, there seems to be an implication that CGs either already do or will eventually steal to fund the habit. I know that addiction can make people act out of character, become irrational and no doubt many do end up stealing but I think it's too sweeping a statement. Despite my addiction, I still have my morals and never in a million years would I steal from anybody. I'd borrow (and I have, a lot) but to steal would be a step too far for me.

I'm guessing that all CGs have some traits in common but let's not forget that we are talking about a bunch of individuals here who are all different with different needs and limitations.

Anyway, well done, 21 days is excellent - keep it going and stay proud of yourself.

Well done Mindy on your 60 day's gamble free , I think when we have time away from gambling it doesn't take long to realise that we're not bad people but just that maybe we made a few bad choices but hey we're human and designed to make mistakes but we also learn from them as well :)).

Glad to see you enjoying life and realising what's important once again , take it from me it keeps getting better :)).

Don't be ashamed any longer , just proud .

Looking forward to welcoming you to the century club real soon .

Best wishes and big respect .............Alan

What a great post Mindy you've got some real clarity in your thinking now the gambling fog has lifted. All the points you raise are spot on. Keep going ODAAT and working on your recovery.

I see my good friend Alan posted to you above and i remember when I was around the same number of days as you he said to me.

If you gambled just £10 per day you would of lost £600, £20 a day would be £1200 and £50 a day would be £3000. Scary stuff and let's be honest when did we gamble 10 or 20pound a day.

KTF

Well done mindy on your 90 days of winning , you should be proud of yourself and we'll soon be welcoming you to that Century club :))

Enjoy your day and best wishes Alan

Yep ! That's the problem it never ever stopped at £10 unfortunately but congratulations on saving yourself a minimum of £900 and not to forget all the heartache that went with it :))