I cannot win because I cannot stop

duncanmac wrote:

Stu

​fella again the doors revolve to recovery.as the honourable Sandra wrote hope you stick around. Often i think back to my own gambling life and think of the countless times that I sought to find a way out of another financial mess only to get straight back at it as soon as the coast was clear. My friend the financial fall out is a symptom of our compulsion not the sole reason why we gamble. Without doubt to truly enter recovery you have to want to seek change,to truly want to put a halt to the emotional and destructive life that you live as an active gambler. I hope you stay on the right side of the revolving door,I know how much hard work and effort it takes,also I know fully the countless rewards on offer.the truth is only you can take it,recovery can't be sold to you,nor can you buy it cheaply.I hope to see you embrace it.abstain and maintain

duncs stepping forward never back.

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Id second duncs advice about seeking recovery through change. Keep it going. Tri

DAY 7

yep I agree Triangle- lots of wisdom there.

Friday is usually gambling day as its usually a day off, but no gambling today. Just watched the latest Hobbit film- brilliant!!. And promised my wife I would tackle some of the ironing!!! so I better go and do that.

Just for today I will NOT gamble and will try and make amends for what I have done.

Stuxx

Awesome mate. Well done on 1 week.

Keep digging hard. I've lost the urge (for now) of wanting to gamble. Each day at a time!

We will be winners!

Day 9

feeling pleased that I have achieved 9 days. Difficult day at work, people being grotty with each other and expecting me to sort it out. In the past I would have come home and gambled, but didn't do that today.

Don't want to gamble, want to get the days under my belt and make amends for the wrong I have done.

Just spent the last hour on the phone to a friend which was so great- haven't spoken to him for ages. Most of my friends are not local to me, so note to self is to write and email a couple of friends I haven't had contact with.

counting my blessings

hope you are all keeping strong

Stuxx

DAY 10

glad I have made it to 10 days. Work is still difficult, one colleague in particular being very difficult, but I haven't gambled and I wont gamble today.

Stuxx

Day 11 today

the sun is shining its a lovely day. I will not gamble today and will try and make amends for the wrong I have done.

We are struggling financially- consequences of my gambling, but I know that gambling is not going to fix the situation. There is no quick fix, but day by day, month by month the fianances will get better. They will have to if I am not pouring hundreds into the online casinos. So I am not going to panic, just going to take each day at a time.

keep strong

Stuxx

DAY 13

am feeling good today. This is the first month for many months that I haven't blown my wages as soon as I have got paid. I know that is because the blocks are on place and I can't but it still feels good, and an achievement.

I have had to pay the pay day loans so it does mean that I haven't got as much as I would like, but usually I would get paid, pay off pay day loans, gamble, get more pay day loans. I am hoping that I will be able to manage my finances better and NOT get any new pay day loans this month. Not spending hundreds on gambling will definitely help!!!.

I will not gamble today and will try to make amends for the what I have done.

keep strong everyone

Stuxx

Well done stu on 13 days and changing the payday cycle, make your money last this month by winning through not gambling and you will have even more money next month, taking one day at a time of course lol.

Keep strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Day 14

thanks Suzanne. Fridays are proving to be difficult days as they were big gambling days, Friday is usually a day off for me. I am looking after my little baby boy today so I don't have much time to think about gambling which is good, but there is a strong urge today. That's the journey I suppose.

Paid back a small debt I owed yesterday as well.

And the diet is going well too-lots to be thankful for.

Date night with my lovely wife tonight. Well, date night on a budget- but it will still be special.

I will not gamble today and I will try to make amends for the wrong things I have done.

Stuxx

Hi Stu, thanks for your lovely message.

My day for main online gambling was the MONDAY, was my day off and I used to give it my all, and I played on my laptop around my LM ( grandson) utter selfish madness.

Well done on getting through the first 2 weeks, they are tough,

Hope your date went well, and you start your new day feeling even stronger.

Remember those urges are just thoughts, keep starving them and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

DAY 16

thanks Suzanne. Well am hanging in there. If I am honest if I didn't have the blocks on I would have gambled by now- I suppose that's why we use them! I feel such a strange mix of emotions, I am so disgusted and ashamed of the things I did while I was still gambling and yet part of me wants to gamble again. Feeling quite overwhelmed by the debts I have.

But I can't change the past- I know that. I've done some stupid and horrible things in order to feed this addiction and I am sorry for that. Gambling today will not make that situation any better.

No gambling today thank you very much. Instead am off to Mass with my lovely family and then having a smashing lunch together.

just for today I will not gamble and will try and make amends for the wrong I have done

Stuxx

DAY 18

had a lovely w/end. Spent Monday in the garden with the wife and kids weeding etc..- great fun, and then played board games.

feeling a major urge to gamble. Very glad I have put the blocks on.

have a good day everyone

Stux

DAY 19

feeling good that I have nearly reached 20 days. But it feels like I am on a roller coaster of emotions, battling the urges constantly.

But for the first time in months I am not feeling utterly desperate about my bank balance- it could be a lot better but usually around this time of the month I have gambled away all my spare cash. So I know life is better without gambling.

I will not gamble today and will try to make amends for what I have done

Stuxx

DAY 21

It is a Friday, and so my day off. I would usually be gambling. But I am not going to do that today.

I was up all night watching the election results and loved every minute of it- a bit nerdy I know.

I need a kip now before I pick up the kids from school.

I will not gamble today and will try to make amends for what I have done.

Stuxx

DAY 23

feels good to have this many days under my belt. My past actions still cast a very long shadow but I can't change the past, just have to live with the consequences and try to make amends.

Mass today and then lunch with family.

I will not gamble today.

Stuxx