I cannot win because I cannot stop

Day 2 completed. I spent a lot of time with someone very close to me today, going through emails and other things of importance that I have neglected for far too long. I've developed a fear of being productive and it's very tricky to get around; as I write this I am procrastinating. I am simply wasting time until I finally have very little time left. It frustrates me but I know I am doing it. And it's okay. Forgiving myself is pretty tough and I know it's going to take a long time to accept that very little of this is 100% my fault.

But I have nothing to hide anymore, no more lies or deceit, which is the best feeling from all of this.

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Back again, complacency and changing environments has brought me crashing back down to earth.

i cannot win because I cannot stop, day 1.

Hey Dan,

Firstly well done on getting straight back up.

Welcome to this forum,and well done for realising you want to stop, and therefore coming here.

Already a massive lesson learnt, (yes I know we learn it every time we gamble and then stop) but then we gamble again because our addiction tells us it will be different this time, it lies through the teeth, it tells more lies than we can ever dream of, we simply cannot ever win because we cannot stop once we start, even if we do win, we plough it all back lose it and then the dangerous game of chasing starts,

We can never underestimate this addiction, it is far too strong, but we can let it simply beat us, (let it go) and then start winning for real,

To do this we really have to bear all to ourselves and our nearest, if they have been affected,

Well done on getting through day one, by taking one day at a time, one minute if necessary, you can do this,

Time to be kind to you,

Take care and keep positive.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne,

Firstly I just want to say its been another 2 days since I have gambled; making a grand total of 3 days so far! Genuinely feeling content with myself at the moment.

Finally being able to cope with the idea that I have 2 different difficulties that I am dealing with that fuel each other; my depression and my gambling addiction.

From now on, I may split my posts in to 2 sections:

Ways I'm dealing with my depression-
Seen a doctor, had my medication corrected.
Contacted the psychiatric nurse.
Contacted the mental health support team at university.
Contacted my personal tutor and arranged to meet when I head back.

Ways I'm coping with my gambling addiction:
Installed some anti-gambling software (Mobicil).
Handed over my finances to my parents.
Been as honest as possible about where all the money has gone.
Made a lot of apologies.
Agreed to attend a GA meeting tomorrow night.

So, a lot of progress in a few days but still a long way to go.

I cannot win because i cannot stop, day 3.

Like your commitment, and, working to goals, mini goals or bigger goals, is a great way to approach your recovery

Louis

On to day 12,

Haven't felt as much of an urgency to post on here since joining my local GA; where i've really found a sense of community and togetherness. I can see the other people in the room are nervous to find out whether i managed to go a week without gambling, and their relief and sincereness when you can tell them you've had a good week. And i find myself concerned for my fellow members; I'm nervous in anticipation for next week's meeting, hoping I can make everyone proud, because every slip we deal with as a group, and every achievement we accept as a group.

Back at uni for a large amount of my time now, feeling really optimistic for the future.

Hi Dann, Just reading your post's and I'd like to say a big well done my friend .

You are dealing with many issues at the moment , but you also seem to be dealing with them in a very positive way !

I think the depression and the gambling do seem to go hand in hand for most of us , I'm into my 57th day now of being free and even in that short time I've been up and down like a yoyo ! .

Things will level out my friend , once you get a bit more distance between you and the last bet , also that feeling of not wanting to be productive will also subside , I like you didn't want to tackle much the first couple of weeks, but now I can't seem to stop throwing myself into projects !.

Anyway many congratulations on what youve achieved so far and I look forward to reading more of your future posts ,,,,,

Best wishes Alan . Compulsive gambler , who will not gamble today ...........

On to day 20!

Already feels like I have come SO FAR since quitting gambling! Although I don't have much time to post today, I just thought I'd check in anyway! Still attending a regular GA meeting, one of the best decisions I ever made!

Day 45, still on to bigger and better things! So so so so happy with life at the moment, working hard and being motivated really pays off!

danboyrave wrote: Day 45, still on to bigger and better things! So so so so happy with life at the moment, working hard and being motivated really pays off!

Well done you!!!! Really hope I can make this far!... day 5 tomorrow for me x

Day 55, all good all great! Back home for christmas but still feeling brilliant.

.

Any money I win is simply from the pocket of another broken, addicted gambler.

defo one that will stick with me, all they do is pass it about skimming off the top each time!

Still going strong on day 90, haven't looked back once.